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Right Outta Left Field:

Okay, let’s get this obligatory complaint column out of the way as

eacefully as possible. ot that I don’t enjoy oing complaint columns, ind you, it’s just that I ould rather be doing omething more positive. yway, on with the show: he topic for discussion s, of course, paying for arking (I like to keep my omplaints as current as ossible, it os. onvenient). Far be it for e to chastise the dministration for causing e to dip into my spare hange to round up $50 for he privilege of leaving y vehicle unattended hilst I hike the several undred meters to class worse-case scenario: from he lot behind MacAdam ield to Robertson), but I o have the right to speak mind, don’t I? Well, ere goes.

To begin, I’d like to ommend the administration or insisting on a pay-as- ou-park system. ‘‘/Why?’’ ou may be asking yourself. or this reason -- tuition ates. As long’ as ‘the dministration continues o mask and disguise the hortfall of money coming nto the university, I on’t really mind what hey think of next to suck

JAD'S STRAIT |

For more information please call 902 962 5B

the money out of my bank account. Here are a few suggestions of how to increase the cash flow: increasing charges on overdue library books from 20¢ a day to $1 a day (not only would the library make a profit, all library books would be returned early); a toll booth to enter the Pit, the Barn,

By J. Jones

course you do! The scheme began several years ago in 1989 in a’ boardroom in Ottawa, Department of Sport and Fitness to be precise. After the Ben Johnson affair, where Canadian athletes were found to be using steroids, the head honcho at Sport & Fitness became a little worried. He or she knew that if

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and the Cafeteria; start charging for the X-Press (like that’ll go over well)? “and possibly charging user fees for desks or chairs.

Okay, so most of those things (hopefully) won’t happen anytime soon. But speaking of fiction, do you readers want to know the real reason for UPEI charging for parking? Of

Canadian athletes didn’t compete at the top level and win Olympic medals, these athletes would never receive major advertising deals inthe US, and Ottawa

would lose millions of dollars” in’. income tax

revenue. Besides, Vt Canadian athletes dropped in the standings, chances are the minister would be dropped from Cabinet.

The Parking Conspiracy And Other Such Trivialties

As such, the minister quickly and discreetl borrowed about $50 billio from the national coffers (remember, this is Ottawa, so it could happen), spent it on some obscure project in an obscure region of Canada where no one woul notice it. This massive expenditure caused the recession, which cause ‘'massive and drastic cutbacks across’. the board,’’ which caused a shortage of funds to post- secondary institutions, which eventually cause UPEI to charge for parking.

‘*‘How does this all tie together?’’ you may be asking yourselves by now. Here’s the clincher -- while causing UPEI students and statt. to pay: for parking, the government knew that people would disapprove and leave their cars. at home an walk to class. This woul

ensure that the next generation of sports heroes

will be able to make mMiligous. of “dollars pitching Wheaties in the US of A. There, now yo know the rest of the story. I just hope that my sourc in Ottawa doesn’t get blamed for this security leak, since it

definitely mean downfall in politics.

Most people think there’s only one way

You’d be surprised at what 26 letters can do for people in developing countries. They can mean food security, good health and job opportunities because they can provide knowledge and skills through education.

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CODE Self-sufficiency through literacy in the developing world.

September 19, 1995