The best of sex

Ain't nothing like the real thing

hat is your idea of the Wore possible sex? When I

was 18, I wouldn’t have had any idea what to say to that question.

I used to dream about sex, but not the best possible sex. I didn’t discriminate. I dreamed about any sex, any- where, anytime with anybody. Sex seemed like a dream too good to be true. And I could hardly believe that someday I would have the privilege of participating in it. The con- cept of ‘‘best possible sex’’ never entered my mind.

Do you dream about sex the same way I do? Does it scare you? I think it should do both, because sex is one of the most incredible of all life’s gifts.

Sex is really like a dream too good to be true.

Unfortunately,:as the world has seen too many times to number, it can also be a nightmare. There’s heartbreak to be found in bed, as well as ecstasy. People don’t adver- tise the heartbreak. They go off alone to cry.

Sex can be cheap, ugly and exploitive. But that’s not the most typical scenario. What’s more common, as I see it, is sex that is frustrating and ultimately unsatisfying-a beautiful rainbow you can never quite touch.

Still, for some, sex can be a dream come true. To achieve that, you need to think about the answers to the original question:What is your idea of the best possible sex?

A great-looking body, many say, makes for great sex. I don’t know that I would call looks a wrong answer, but its not.a right answer either. It is mainly irrelevant.

Sex is not played with

by Tim Stafford

the eyes.There is a sex-re- lated game known as ‘‘attrac- tion’’ which is played with the eyes, but it is quite different from sex. Sex is played with the body.

I realized this while still in high school. I went to an outdoor concert that a blind mandolin player gave. Between each set, a huge woman in a flowered Hawaiian dress smothered him rapturously in her arms. He obviously liked it. It didn’t matter that she was so fat that, according to our skewed standards of beauty, she was quite ugly. He was blind. He couldn’t see her; he could only feel her. To him, she felt great.

I am not trying to say that the way your partner looks has nothing to do with how you enjoy sex. The game played with the eyes is often what gets you started at sex, and if you never get started,

you can’t enjoy it. But once the lights are out, or the covers are over you, looks

don’t count for a thing. The most gorgeous partner may be unromantic, cold, or mechani- cal. The very plainest partner May prove sensuous, tender, | hot.

he Qualities of Great Se So what qualities make for the best possible sex? I would like to offer my suggestions. 1) The best sex is with some- one who wants to have it with you as much as you want to have it with her or him.

The partners are excited about each other. Obviously, this has something to do with

‘that quality called love. It

may be the kind of love called infatuation, or it may be a~

deeper kind, but you both are in it. You are hungry for each

| special sex report |

other.

2)The best sex is with com- | plete freedom- no self-con- |

sciousness. {

You aren’t trying to make a good impression. You’re not worried about making a mis- take. You’re not thinking about how you look. You are completely accepted by your partner, and you accept your- self, so you feel wonderful freedom.

This, too, has to do with love, but love of the deeper kind. ‘

3) The best sex is when each of you wants to make the other feel great.

This requires a bit of technical explanation. God, in his wisdom, has made people individually unique, and ne has made men and women differ-. ent. They respond to sex dif- ferently. There are many di- mensions to this difference. For example, one very simple difference is that men go fast and women go slow. Usually. Every person is unique.

The practical implication is this: If one or both of you are only excited about how good sex can feel for you, neither one of you will expe- rience the best possible sex. The work of sex researchers of Masters and Johnson has borne this out.

Again, love comes into this quest for the best possi- ble sex: It is a fairly mature and deep kind of love. To concentrate on making your partner feel great sounds easy; zbuts it; isnt Loess: GF loving patience may be re- quired.

4) The best sex has time to get better

This follows from point 3. The best sex is a sensitive art, and the artist takes time to learn how best to please the one he loves. Anybody can make babies. Anybody can have a reasonably good time in bed. But we’re talking about the best sex and the best takes practice. Practice with that individual-not just with any- body. That is why- and this is a, well-kept secret- many cou- ples have a lousy time on their honeymoons.