If Men Had The Babies! Written By: Caroline Sin From The Gateway

if Men could menstruate, abortion would bea facrement. Gloria Steinem

Supposing men could menstruate...

The Billof Rights would declare that Every Man Shall Have the Right to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Abortion. All hospitals would proudly boast a lederally funded abortion wing, and every street porner would offer a free-standing abortion clinic.

Phere would be no moralizing about responsibility or promiscuity; no endless sermonizing about reaping vhat you sow, or eating what you bake.

tvery citizen of this country would awake each morn- ng with the same thought, how wrong it would be to orce a man to bear a child he does not want! Society yould produce at least a million reasons for why a fan may choose to terminate his pregnancy, like: he sa student, he plays professional hockey, he is etting on in years, he has high blood cholesterol, and bon. Inth4 end, we would have to be resigned to the et tht itis the responsibility of the woman to resist le advances ofthe unprotected man. However, when woman says no, what she really means is yes, This

1 Bs tox may be confusing; every once ina while the gnals even get so mixed up that a woman may find If accidentally and inexplicaably forcing upon an willing man, This would be called rape.

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| brtunately, such crimes would not occur often-not ce the government abandons its ‘‘Picking Your se and Scratching Your Balls’’ theory of rape

vt hich states that rape and other socially inappropri- ¢ behaviours shall be ignored out of existence), in your ofthe ‘‘Letthe Punishment Fit the Crime’’ ory of rape (which states that the punishment fits | ie crime), Presumablly the punishment would be of fe Public Execution variety, something like ane

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November 14,

your hands and other major appendages cut offina public ceremony, maybe ata barbecue. Or Perhaps we would resort to the more traditional methods, like being stoned, orcrucified, or beat about the head with the complete works of Ernest Hemingway. Neverthe- less, if a man were to be raped, (say by a hostile feminist), there would be a number of institutions he could turn to for counselling and support-institutions staffed by adequate paid professionals, as opposed to ‘*volunteers’’ (a modern day euphemism forthe victims of socially accepted forms of slavery). But let us suppose that a man should choose to carry his baby fullterm. Happily, the birthing process itself would be asimple and painless procedure-performed in the comfort and privacy of your own home. Labour, traditionally difficult for a woman, would, fora man, undoubtedly translate itself into and orgasmic experi- ence of the highest order. After the birth, government and other institutions would act appropriately to reduce possible complications. Should anyone suggest thata man must choose the one(family) or the other (career), she or he would be ridiculed into submission by achorous of reproach. For who can imagine de- manding that one make such achoice? Who dares to ask for such a sacrifice? Every institution would soon establish a program of paternity leave, plus a fully subsidized daycare system, Some employers would even fo so far as to award each employee who bore a child with a Baby Bonus, or perhaps a commemora- tive plaque on the wall, ora new print for his office,

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