Fact and Opinion

by Stephan MacLEOD

FACT: NuBody Cleavage claims to be “The World’s Leader in All Natural Breast Enhancement.”

OPINION: Is there some sort of elec- tion for this type of leadership, or do they just throw a pen at a phone book like when they pick the Pope?

FACT: With this product, you can “tone, firm and increase the size of your breasts naturally. It’s the safe, all-natural alternative to implants.” OPINION: Once you tone, firm and increase the size of your breasts, you’ll be able to gain the respect and admiration of your poker. buddies, Dave.

FACT: NuBody Cleavage has proven to be safe and effective when used as directed. The cream is formulated with all natural, herbal active ingredi- ents and is manufactured in an FDA approved laboratory. In addition, NuBody Cleavage’s active herbal ingredients are recognized as ‘safe’ by the FDA.

OPINION: ‘Safe’ is in quotation marks because when NuBody is not used as directed, you could end up with a set of nipples on your forehead.

FACT: Both NuBody Cleavage cream and capsules were tested for over two

years before being released to the gen- eral public.

OPINION: Studies on lab rats show that mice look funny with big breasts.

FACT: Most women begin to feel results within four weeks with a max- imum effect in six to eight weeks. However, it can take some women up to ninety days before maximum results are achieved.

OPINION: If I were a woman, I’d be choosy about who I let feel my results.

FACT: We do not make the claim that the results are permanent, as we know of nothing that will produce “perma- nent’ results (including implants). No manufacturer guarantees permanent results.

OPINION: . . . unless their product actually works. While, in this case, it would be silly to guarantee anything other than greasy boobs and a craving for Lebanese food.

FACT: With NuBody Cleavage, once you’ve reached your maximum size, your newly developed tissue will gradually revert back to your original size if you do not continue generating new tissue (as with any similar prod- uct). However, you will only need to use NuBody Cleavage a couple of

times per week to maintain and build the new tissue. One jar can last up to four months under the normal mainte- nance program. OPINION: If you abuse your NuBody Cleavage, you will end up with more tissue than Kleenex at a snot party.

FACT: Our success rate reaches approximately 85 percent of the women who use it as directed. OPINION: The women who don’t use it as directed have difficulty under- standing the instructions: “Rub this stuff on your tits.”

FACT: NuBody Contours does not contain artificial hormones like other breast enhancement products on the market. NuBody Contours is formu- lated with Mother Nature’s own natu- ral herbs and contains absolutely no artificial hormones.

OPINION: Unlike the Colonel’s secret recipe. as

FACT: NuBody Cleavage’s all-herbal ingredients have no weight gaining properties on other parts of the body. OPINION: But they may cause blind- ness in one eye.

FACT: Nubody Cleavage works on all races. It was especially formulated to

penetrate the typically thicker skin of Asian women.

OPINION: Thicker skin? What the hell are they talking about? Sumo wrestlers?

FACT: NuBody Cleavage Cream and NuBody Cleavage Capsules are both derived from the same formula. Since the capsule formula is taken internal- ly, it does not contain certain ingredi- ents which make up the consistency of the cream.

“OPINION: But the capsule will leave your breath minty fresh, unlike the

cream which tastes like Silly Putty.

FACT: Test results show NuBody Cleavage capsules are more potent than NuBody Cleavage cream. Faster, more dramatic results are usually achieved when both formulas are used simultaneously.

OPINION: By. “more dramatic results,” they mean a bad case of the jitters combined with various bowel obstructions.

FACT: NuBody Cleavage is not rec- ommended for women who may be

pregnant or lactating. OPINION: What about cattle?