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The Engineers’ Periodical

Proofs Your Professor Never Showed You

_ For too long, professors have been leading their students astray by attempting to prove theorems to their classes. Through analytical and graphical techniques, obscure technical manipulations and multiple buzzwords, they go through the motions of deriving expressions. The resultant lack of legible and available information inevitably drives students crazy. With experience, students become so sensitive to these academic pieced of hell that as soon as "sensors detect incoming proofs", writing materials are dropped and people start to saw logs. Here’s your chance to fight back...

Proof by Magic: The most popular university level proof, this method involves large doses of vigorous hand waving land incoherent muttering. Numbers seem to poop in and out of nowhere for no apparent reason. It is usually accompanied by puffs of smoke and has been known to make use of mirrors. This is the method of choice for Calculus profs of Germanic heritage.

Proof by Assumption: The simplest of proofs, wherein the answer is stated and assumed to be correct. Unfortunately, some profs, find this to be unacceptable. For these fascists a variation known as Proof by Infinite Assumption may come in handy. It is the same as above except that you assume the answer to be "a" where "a" lies somewhere between negative infinity and positive infinity, you’re just not sure of its exact location.

Proof by Blunt Instrument: A real crowd pleaser,

_ Proof by Mind-Boggling Notation:

this risky but useful proof calls your professor’s future health into question. In less important situations, a watered down version known as Proof by Violent Desk Pounding may be employed.

Run On Proof: If you have some knowledge of the question subject matter, but absolutely no idea how to solve it, spill everything you know onto the paper, including tally irrelevant bits of information such as last night’s lucky score, favourite recipes, etc. Good for part marks.

Proof by an Undetermined Sum of Money: Affix a . blank, signed check to your exam. This is the easiest way to earn your profs respect.

Proof by Insanity: Through a series of carefully calculated moves, drive your prof. over the edge and have him medically certified as such. The exam will probably be voided and you'll have another shot.

Used to best effect with at least five alphabets, and/or special symbols.

Proof by Skillfull Manipulation of the English Language (also known as "See if he’ll fall for this one): “It can be shown that "or" clearly ..."or" this question is left as an exercise to the reader.

Proof by Association: "I say Biech do that once”.

Proof by Good Eyesight: "otherwise known as

The UPEI X-Press

November 8, 1990

-Page 40