- There will be enough English 101 classes for ev- eryone

- 2 business profs will declare bankruptcy

- The computer system will go down and eat two technicians i

- UPEI will start to make money on the planetarium

- The Barn will be taken over by the AVC

- The Gem will take over as the best paper on PEI - UPEI teams will win

a national championship at UPEI

Predictions For ~ UPEI 1988-89

- There will be no line ups for registration next year

- UPEI will get a multi- sport complex with a pool and diving area for the polo and swim team

- CIMN will be com- petative with CFCY CHTN

- The engineer’s won’t offend anyone next year

~ Blanchard Hall will be co-ed next year... officially

- Main Building will be finished on time and on budget

- Tuition costs will go down due to increased gov- ernment spending on ondary education

and

sec-

- Chris Vessey will get a date with a female who is not his sister

“SKIN” continued from Page 1 Scientists, who for years have worked under the mis- taken notion that lungs are necessary for human life, have been baffled by the girl and gave her no chance of survival. ; pee

However, The Germ was told by an questionable source they have hope now. Mary long without teo much diffi- cultly and they are positive that she will be able to live a normal life.

healthy three year old,” we were told by another fabri- cated source, “She is just amazing. She plays and cries just like any child her age. Because she can’t breath like normal children, though, she does have to be careful. She runs out of breath very easily.”

to breath through her skin, it is thicker than a normal child’s. Said our ufknown Source, “Mary Ellen’ use to be teased by the other kids. Adults, of course, were afraid of her because she looked different. Her Parents didn’t let this bother them. They remained liv- ing where they are and the whole community soon grew to love her.”

Her skin is thick and heavily vascularized. This Provides her with a means of exchanging the carbon diox- ide that her body produces with ‘atmospheric oxygen. There appears to be fish like slits on her neck.

Dr. T. Expert was called from a larger hospital by Duckus just shortly

Dr.

_on the slits:

‘She Ellen (has ‘lived’ this |

“Mary ‘Ellen is now a:

Because Mary Ellen has .

after Mary Ellen was born.. Dr. commented

“The slit-like

openings on the girl’s neck

are actually remnants of em-

bryonic gills. Although in

fish and tadpoles these gills

would function in respira-

tion, they do not appear to

be functional in Mary Ellen.

does, though, breath

through her skin as do fish

and amphibians. Like these’ animals, her body surface

must be kept moist.”

Our fabricated

Expert

source

stated that, “Mary Ellen’s

parents have been trying everything they can think of to keep her moist. At first the parents. tried maple syrup and olive oil, but had trouble keeping dogs and other children from licking her. Then they tried keeping her in the bathtub, but they were afraid that she would drown. Right now she is kept moist with a special cream

that was designed especially

for her. With the cream she —

can, as I’ve already said, be like a normal child.” We’ were unable to gain knowl- edge as to the identity and whereabouts of the manufac- turer of this cream. The company wishes to remain

anonymous.

There does seem to be hope for this original little girl. We were informed by both of our sources that Mr. and Mrs Madeup do intend to send Mary Ellen to kindergarten next year. Are they worried about her acceptance? “Not at all,” stated our unknown source. “They are positive that she will be accepted there as she has been accepted here.”

HOROSCOPE

YOUR HORRORSCOPE:

CAPRICORN (Goat) : December 22 - January 19

- You are a modern, mellow and carefree person who likes gorgeous blonds. In fact, so layed back that most Capricorns end up marrying old, ugly, bald people. Still, you are a trustworthy and kind person by nature - you love animals. You often go to the zoo just to feed the bunnies.... to the tigers. Most Capricorns are eaten by ’killer-bunnies’.

you are

AQUARIUS (Water Bearer) : January 20 -

February 18 - Great soldiers, politi-

cians, and leaders of the business world are born un- der this sign, so naturally YOU will feel self-conscious and insecure. You idolize the floating fat man in ’Dune’ for his facial condition. Picking your teeth gives you great satisfaction. You are very cost conscious, thus you save used Q-tips until they grow fuzzy again. Most Aquarians die of new diseases.

PISCES (Fishes)

February 19 - March 20 - You are a staunch and

upright person. This is be- cause if you bend over, you will split your pants. You were the alternate model for the Harvey Lazybones Participaction commercials. You are easily embarrassed, especially when you get stuck in revolving doors. Most Pisces make their living by posing in “before” pictures.

ARIES (Ram) : March 21 - April 19

- You are an extremely unlucky person. If you cross paths with a black cat to- day, the cat will have seven years of bad luck. You are a good sportsman who is always a good loser. This is because you have had a lifetime of practice. The few friends that you have left secretly want to paint your nails and send you off

first class mail to Kingston Penitentiary. Most Rams deserve to go there because they kill their friends.

TAURUS (Bull): April 20 - May 20

- You were born un- der Taurus, the Bull, which probably accounts for your flat appearance and person-

ality. You drive a Chevette

(and are proud of it). Your favorite colour is brown, and you enjoy spending your Fri- day nights playing a game of “Guess who owns the shoe by the smell” just for the

- action. Most Tauruses die of

boredom or become federal senators.

GEMINI (Twins) : May 21 - June 20 —

- You are a good hunter, which is handy, because you will constantly have to hunt hard for a date, food and money. You are overdue for a major change in your life that you richly deserve. Hopefully, someone with no nose will change your old T- shirt for you. Still, you are very intelligent and you wear your ‘U’ University ring with great pride. Unfortunately for you, it stands for “Un- employed, Unimportant and Ugly. ,

CANCER (Crab): June 21 - July 22

- You consider your strength to be enormous, but only your double chin can claim that title. The size of your double chin is only exceeded by your bloated ego. You consider yourself to be strong, but it is only your pungent body odor that is strong. You enjoy hearing yourself talk on one of the “infinite” topics that you are a “master” in, but no one listens to you, because they know.... that you are a dork.

_ LEO (Lion): July 23 - August 22 8 - You are a lonely per-

son whose feelings are easily hurt, especially if you are punched in your ugly face. Your lonely nature is largely due to your constant use of garlic, (and for your new fetish of squeezing other peo- ples zits which you picked up from an Aquarian last week). Your greatest hap- piness comes from working hard and overcoming obsta- cles, so don’t expect much happiness.

_ generous person.

' others.

VIRGO (Virgin) : Au- gust 23 - September 22

- You are a noble and Whenever you have a cold, you never hesitate before giving it to You are very care- ful where you spend your money - thus all clothes are *hand-me-downs’ from the “Lee Family” - “Cheap Lee, Crude Lee and Ug Lee”. You like to be looked up to, which is unfdr- tunate, because you tend to be short in all respects. |

LIBRA “"(Balance) September 23 - October 22

- Libra’s produces many famous

of your

writers, musicians, and artists - but you are probably the exception. You secretly fantasize about raid- ing the local Salvation Army clothes shop so that you can dress up as Madonna next Halloween. Your neon

clothes makes your friends

‘want to hang you up be-

side a nightclub (they are probably Scorpios). Most Libras marry rich drunks in nightclubs,

ee Seeepion) : - You tend to be extro-

verted, and you love to have crowds of people around you. Most Scorpio’s pickpockets. Also, you are fearless and strong. You do not know the meaning of the word °fear’ - you have to look it up. You enjoy ripping off Santa’s beard in front of hundreds of adoring children, (and then imper- sonating him and making him look bad). Most Scor-

are

pios end up working for Litton.

SAGITTARIUS (Archer) : November 22

- December 21 - You do not like to

be dependent upon others, except for such necessities as food, clothes, money and luxury. You are generous to a fault. Unfortunately, the fault is that you never give anything away. You are ambitious for a_ high position. Most Sagittarians are on drugs, hotel window cleaners or both.

HAPPY BIRTH DAY!

THE GENIE OF THE GEM :