1/’ it

gthopwallrsr (rel-inking assistant Editor: “You say that the public for contradicting a customer). official had nothing to any!" - i “bliss Jones; you must remembera Reporter: “Yes; hut he talked customer is always right." ‘ . ‘Preﬁtluarters of an hour before l Mlgs Jones; “Well, sir, she said discovered it." you were ‘an old shark."

-~ While working in Fifcshire in

A modern‘ young man kissed a 1911 i lodged in u little fishing‘ beautiful moderrrgirl. Villﬂss- Nearly every day the old,

“I'll be frank- with you/f the Scots landlady would ‘give us fish‘ young man said, after the embrace for dinner. l was ‘heartily sick of was over. ‘_'You're no‘. the first the sight and smell of so rullch girl I've ever kissed by a long fish. and so‘ was my fellow-ledger, Show .- ' a Glaswegian.

She m gjcjgarette, One day the landlady dropped a

5mg yu‘ ‘q “any (rank with fork on the ground. “Ah!" she ex- you,» he a ' ,’ ("You've got a claimed, there's surely a stranger great ea1fto1laarn Qven at that." Cqinlns here.”

_ _ ‘———- ~ “Aye? retorted the Scot. "lt fatportifwork must be a butcher, I'm thinking."

A Scutswoman once applied to a ‘ i aolictor for advice. After she had . An Expert. detailed all the circumstances. of Business man (to appliﬂﬂiid)! ‘he c559, mg lawyer ggked her if "I am inclined t0 give YOU the she bad slated the facts exactly as position if you understand double- they had occurred. Entry book-keeping"

"Ou ay, sir," she replied. "I Alililicsnti "l do that! Why, at thought it best to tell you the plain my inst nines I had to do a triple- truth: You can put the lees till't doable entry—a set for the active yiourselg’ _" partner, showing the real profits. a set for the sleeping partner,

An old anthem planter was dis showing small profits, and a set for cussing the hereafter with his the Inconle Tax officials, showing

servant. * no Profits!‘ ‘The first one that goes. Sam. must come back and tell the other Unchanged

whtlt it is like over there." An American brings back from

"Yes, massa. Da suits me exac'ly, Scotland this story: nlnssa, but if you go fust, would "Here l3 the old stile." he said. you please come back in the day~ and now in the deepening shadows time?" “Aye!” replied Mary. “an' here Long years ago they bad parted,

Modern education was being dls- bc our initials that you curved, ins-sod, Jones saying it was of little Sandy." willie, while Johnson protested it "All. diam" continued Sandy. was a good thing. “Now, here's "yo're just as bonnie as ye ever my sou Jack." said the latter. were. an‘ I hath not forgotten ye, "only eight, but ask him any ques- my bonie lass." lion and he'll answer it within "An ye, Sandy." she cried as her rvllsnfl." blue eyes moistened, "are lust a

"Well, Jack.” rjllllfllllllfﬂli Jones, bit-I R 198B!‘ as evcr, an’ I believe "how many are seven and four?" ‘_ ye list the same."

“'l‘weivo," came the -prompt re- ply. “There ou-~nre," snid the roud . fitlilvl‘, "ugly one out the pfirst 0m buck"! Mimi’? W“ Vi"! yo?"

A Good Way Out

ill. lt was not much g ofdoortaol ill. lt was not much good for him Visitor: "Manager, the carpet is 101""? "*9 “m?!” btcailse he v~ ry tiulup." never took the least notice of any Manager of American (‘incma advice “m! W“ given him- anili- ulro: "Ovenshocs will be “M! W“ “i0”- iiﬁ Ebsilliilrly TL‘- Wvnmr by the attendants» nmdnmlfused to look nt any sort of nledic» 'i‘ll<- film Ls so sad this week. ilutiliulf- llu» patrons weep so much tllut live} “mi hi‘ 39.9"“ W 89$ n9 bell"

(illlllill lzeep the curDt-t dry." i" "u- “'7' Pemalkeil mg “"9 1° ____ jibe doctor one morning. The w”, Wm, snob, . “if only your husband could be

‘induced to follow my last pro-

iciidiwm°viii§

GUARDl ' "ﬂute! not. i”; well, and so she decided to my in bad

bro bsdrodm she told her to 80‘ down to the kitchen and boll

heni for three minutes. When the eggs were being eaten

hard boiled.- -

"Joann." said mother, "are you sure you boiled those eggs for only three minutes?" . "Quite sure. luothcr" Joan. “Oi course. it \\.'l.~= n. minutes by the kitchen clock but that is five lllilllli-eg Sin“, you know!”

llli\'\\'ui mi

ii’ iill the 500d people were Clover, And all clever people were good. The world would be nicer than

M‘ the dsr. csulnz little Joan 1m ‘~ {he eggs for breakfast cooking f

it was found that they we're quite V;

4s-

Jiilit.tll|l.§§, . , ,

ever We thought -that it possibly could. > But somehow ‘tis seidonxior never Thsttwd Hit it off ‘lli-ftliey could; The good are so liar§h"to the ‘ clever, ‘The clever so rude to the good! So, friends, let it be our endeavor To make each by each under- stood, For few can be good like the clever, Or clever so well as the good!

A clergyman had occasion to preach to the inmates of an insane hospital. During his sermon he _ noticed that. one of the patients paid the closest attention, his eyes riveted upon the preachers face, his body bent eagerly forward. Such interest was most flattering. After the service, the speaker noticed that the man spoke to the superintendent, so as . soon as possible the preacher inquired:

"Didn't that luau speak to you about my sermon?"

tlYesﬁl

"Would you mind telling me what lle said?"

Tho superintendent tried to side- step, but the preacher insisted.

“Well." he said at last, "what the man said was. ‘Just think, he's out and i'm in."

A young woman who was reared in an Eastern Kansas town read in a poultry journal that poultry- raising was remuluertltlvo, so she decided to try it. She purchased a hen and set. her on thirteen eggs. She wrmn to n poultry journal that poultry-raising was luucll to her lking and wondered how long the hen should remain on the eggs. Pile paper wrote back. “Three week for (lhiUkEllS and four weeks for ducks." Later she wrote to the poultry journal as follows: "Many thanks for your advice about the

Trade was rather slack as ascriptiou all your troubles would ‘madly-dressed individual steppetpbe over." said the medico. into the outfitting establishment. The old woman's face brighten-

Tlls overdressed. one approached 9d- tlie counter, and, in an imperious} -“Thsy Would. indeed. sir," she zone. uttered the one word: "Neck- answered. "He made m8 110i" i! iii-s)‘ down the drain."

A Jaded-looking assistant ilnme- tilntely displayed the latest pat- A policeman walking along the TvﬂlS. but the youth. after gazinglside of the canal and seeing a at them in a supercllious manneryyﬂiiilgﬂiei‘ crying. stopped him. lnconlcally remlirlred: “Moref “What's the nratter?" he queried.

The snobbish air displayed nettl- The youngster P0111196 i0 i1 ha! tiii the assistant, but, winking at wilivil was bobbins on and down a colleague, he quietly brought for. in the middle of the canal. ward other ties. “My brother-——" he subbed.

"Theset" he said, "are excellent ln a flash the courageous con qunlltyat a shilling." stable plunged into the water. He

"A shilling!" the customer snap- came up, but with the hat only. pod haugbtily. "Do I look like s “Can't. find him," he gasped. mun who would wear a shilling tie?i“Whero was he standing W110i! ht‘ ls there anything about me to in- fell in?" ' » dicate that?" . I "He didn't fall in." the boy

"l be! your pardon." interposed blurted out. "He is over there. I the assistant: “the sixpenny ccunt-‘was going to tell you he threw my er is at the other and of the hat into the canal, but you wouldn't shop." let mefinish."

'“ ml...»

setting hen. She remained on the nest three weeks and at the end of that time tllere were no chickens hatched. So I did not care for ducks, I took her oft‘ the nest and]

“There's someone shouting behind, Jack. Hadn't we better stop?" "No—-i never stop i1 they're able to shoutl"

Fritz: sold the eggi" stomach."

-—Passlnq Show.

MOR E CAM OU FLAGE

“VulLl can truly hope my box and my card will hide my

V —S_wlr:e.v Bulletin

, 2c. QARQQN m2

I SQRRw TO DwTuRa you l BUY wow TOLD ME Yo . iNFOQM YOU WHEN lT ‘STOPBED Qmoumg

i AND IT HAS

BRINGING UP l‘ Y-[IIER

. ‘ ‘ — JAME‘; AH‘ Now TQ qn" i ’ womb THE ootueo uo- |

sear NEVJE! tvz HEARD

~ WEEK -' I in» 1g i f8!“ (r i ° .

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