Marcu 22, 2005

PEL FP eeeet Dewiraree

Ryan Gallant Managing Editor

Well top o’ the mornin’ to ya, and a Happy St. Patty’s Day. UPEI students flocked to the Wave in droves this past Thursday, filling it to capacity and showing their Irish pride in fine form. While the names of many student seemed to indicate that they were not, in fact, Irish, this did not seem to hinder them from celebrating in a traditional Irish fashion by singing, dancing, and drinking themselves into oblivion. The chugging of green beer led to many a drunken stupor, leaving a lasting effect here in campus, where at least one class was cut short due to “student extracurricular activity” and 8:30 Friday morning classes were sparsely attended, making for eerily empty classrooms.

Across the pond in Dublin, Ireland, the Irish celebrated St. Patty’s Day ina similar manner, starting off by getting a good drink-on in the morning, and ending off by having 714 people carted off to prison by dinnertime. The following day businesses reported that less then half their regular staff showed up for work, as the nation nursed a collective hangover. In what could very well be the understatement of the year, one pub manager described the crowd

-as being “Very, very, merry.”

In fact, with the violence and arrests that resulted from that “very merry” crowd, the entire day devoted to the drunken memory of Saint Patrick could have been a complete write-off, had it not been for the parades that had taken place during the day, with a special appearance by Boyzone star Keith Duffy. For those of you who do not recall Boyzone, they are the Irish boy-band that sang When the Going

Gets Tough (The Tough Get Going), which, next to Mambo #5 and Who Let the Dogs Out, is quite possibly the worst song ever conceived by man. Boyzone were called “the most promising band of 1995” by a British music Magazine, which is quite a ringing

endorsement, until you remember that |

the mainstream music scene in 1995 consisted of Cotton-Eyed Joe and The Macarena. Unfortunately Boyzone s most recent appearance in North America was in Phoenix, Arizona on July 31°, 1997, with no upcoming dates yet announced. But hardcore fans take solace in the fact that their US Fan Website states that “Once again, rumors of a summer USA visit are circulating the internet!” Cross your fingers!

A Newfoundland man who was convicted of driving under the influence last week blamed his inebriation on his consumption of liquor- filled chocolates, but for some reason the judge saw it necessary to penalize this candy-lover (and previously 3-time convicted drunk driver) for his victimless crime of having a sweet tooth. When stopped by the RCMP, his blood alcohol level was approximately double the legal limit, the accumulation of which, by my estimates, would have taken at least 168 liquor-filled chocolates, an amount of alcohol that would have left him feeling nauseous and disoriented, and an amount of chocolate, that by all estimates, would have left him feeling bloatedanddead.

Well, anew chapter was added — to Pat Binns and the Adventures of his $125,000,000 Deficit last week

THE CADRE ° Zz

___... And Now For Something Completely Different: The Rants of a University Student

when the province decided to give $400,000 to Garden Province Meats after already blowing $275,000 in unsecured loans into the firm in September and helping buy $140,000 in new equipment. What is their friggin obsession with throwing money at bad business? When Polar Foods lost money despite making $150 million a year, the government insisted on stepping in and saving jobs, losing about $31 million in the process, and then putting 1,200 jobs in jeopardy anyway. But wait, good old Agriculture Minister Kevin MacAdam made a good point in backing up this government’s moves, saying “I feel bad, I really, really, really feel bad.” Wow Kevin, when you put it that way... Newsflash! A news release out of Ottawa last week revealed, that among other things, people are not allowed to pack brass knuckles, nunchuks, tear gas, spear guns or gas torches in airline baggage. Well, why the hell not? I think they may be taking this terrorism stuff a bit too far. I mean how is having road flares or hatches or cricket bats in your carry-on baggage in any way detrimental to other passengers? Actually, who made up this list, and when was the last time some moron tried to get ona plane with this kind of stuff? Also, large quantities of homemade liquor-filled chocolates will no longer be permitted on any flights within Canada. Idiots. And listen. Those stupid “Jetsgone” jokes are not funny.

Give it a rest.