18 CAMPUS
The M.A.P.U.S. Connection for Mature & Part-time Students
By JANICE MUIR |
Elections are over ... finally. At the annual general meeting Wednes- day, a new executive was elected to represent the mature and part-time students attending U.P.E.I. for the coming 1999-2000 school year. Both the president and vice-president po- sitions were determined using the democratic process, which should be proof enough that the Mapus organi- zation is growing. Currently, the number of mature and part-time stu- dents make up approximately 30% of the student population.
The newly elected executive, effective as of May 4th, are as fol- lows:
President - James O’ Holloran
Vice-President - Janice Muir
Secretary-Treasurer - Sheila Shea
Student Suzanne Gotell
Senate Representative - Mike McGonnell
Past President - Wylie Hall
Council Rep.
We would like to thank all of the students who took time out of their busy schedules to attend this impor- tant meeting and for voting. Your in- put and voice is vital to shaping the role Mapus holds within the univer- sity environment. If you have any suggestions or ideas, please let us know.
For anyone interested in play- ing squash, or attending movies etc. for some fun on a Friday afternoon, please drop by the Mapus Lounge or contact Suzanne Gotell. For the last couple of weeks, a group of mature students have been meeting regularly and the idea is catching on. Our phone is still missing! The person or person(s) who helped themselves to it last weekend have still not returned it to the Lounge. We would appreci- ate any information that may help us get it back. In the meantime, our thanks to Edward who brought in a phone from home.
One of the new executive
members gave me a list of “wise say- ings’ for the column this week so do enjoy them.
1. | started out with nothing ... | still have most of it.
2. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all-bran.
3.1 finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.
5. All reports are in. Life is now offi- cially unfair.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to
et wiser. . If at first you don’t succeed, try
not to look too astonished.
9. The first rule of ‘holes.’ If you are not in one, stop digging!
10. I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.
11. ] went to school to become a wit, but only got halfway through.
12. It was so different before every- thing changed.
13. Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
14. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. 15. Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.
16. A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
17. | wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.
18. It’s not the pace of life that con- cerns me, its the sudden stop at the end.
19. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. 20. Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
21. The only time the world beats a on to your door is if you're in the
throom
22. Never knock on death’s door; ring the bell and run (he hates that).
23. Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself)
24. When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play y chess.
25. If you're living on the edge, make
The Cadre +
sure you re wearing your seatbelt. 26. A closed mouth gathers no feet. 27. Health is merely the slowest pos- sible rate at which one can die.
28. It’s not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.
29. Jury: Twelve people who deter- mine which client has the better at- torney.
30. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
The following joke entitled “The Ant & The Grasshopper in 1999” is submitted by Mr. P:
The Classic Version goes like this ... the ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up sup- plies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and
laughs and dances and plays the sum- mer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
The Modern Version offers a different perspective ... the ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the win- ter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, CNN,
NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to video of the ant in
his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America and the world is stunned by the sharp contrast. How ee nee wea hacen is lowed to sufles
Then a representative of the NAASGB (Naational Association of Green Bugs) shows up on Niteline ed charges the ant with
6 April 1999
“green bias” and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism.
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and eve- rybody cries when he sings, “It’s Not Easy Being Green.” Bill and Hilary Clinton make a special guest appear- ance on the CBS Evening News to tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do every- thing they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the poe he deserves by those who benefitted unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as Bill refers to it, the “Tempera- tures of the 80’s.”
Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grassho and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his “fair share.”
Finally, the EEOC drafts the “Economic Equity and Anti- Greenism Act.” Retroactive to the beginning of the summer, the ant was fined for failing to hire a proportion- ate number of bugs and, hav- ing nothing left to pay for his retro- active taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the govern- ment house he’s i in, which just hap- pew to be the ant’s old house, crum-
les around him since he doesn’t know how to maintain it. The ant has cereont in the snow. And on the which the grasshopper
“kaa ing most of the ant’s rae ors td Bill Clinton
a before a wildly applauding
anew eroupof compatriot announcing that
has dawned in America.
That’s all for this time. Have a great week.
For submissions, Janice Muir can be reached at (902) 853-4042 or jmuiradvertising@) it