FACT: Kuru, a deadly disease you can only get by eating the brains of an infected person, was responsible for as many as half of all deaths in one region of New Guinea.

OPINION: That doesn't make any sense. Wouldn't the people get smarter after eating the infected brains and learn the important lesson to never eat an infected person's brain?

FACT: In the average doctor's ‘| waiting room, patients wait 21 minutes before seeing the doctor. OPINION: A blind person waits even longer before seeing the doctor. *I can get away with that one because no blind person will be able to read it, you just have to promise not to read it to them.

FACT: An estimated 2 percent of all doctors have fake creden- tials.

OPINION: I should have known something was wrong when Dr Dre diagnosed me with menopause.

FACT: During a feeding frenzy, piranha can completely consume a 400 pound animal in a few minutes.

OPINION: So don't let your piranha out of its cage, or it might eat your mother.

FACT: Some piranha are vege- tarians.

OPINION: Vegetarians can think what they want, but eating fish should disqualify people from saying they're vegetarians. It would be really fucking easy for a piranha to try and get away with that. Goddamn, inconsis- tent hippies.

FACT: There are as many chick- ens in the world as people. OPINION: That's a lot of cocks.

FACT: Some roaches are too large to fit through the opening of some roach traps.

OPINION: That's a lot of cock- roach.

FACT: Drinking 100 cups of coffee in 4 hours will kill the average adult.

OPINION: But it's perfectly safe for small children.

FACT: A town in California spent thousands of dollars installing a new lighting system for its sidewalks that stopped working after dogs relieved themselves on the fixtures. OPINION: Instead of installing annoying light switches in my house, I came up with a system where I get my dog to piss on the fixtures whenever I want the lights out.

FACT: A fish- erman in Ohio was killed when a bluegill he caught flipped into his mouth and choked him to death.

OPINION: Now that's poetic justice. I was disappointed by John Singleton's film, Poetic Justice, because it didn't have any bluegills choking fishermen. But Boyz N the Hood was good because it had boys in the hood.

FACT: A female Blue Whale that was caught in the Pacific Ocean weighed over 190 tons! She was over 90 feet long.

OPINION: The people who caught her had to release the blue whale because of the Pacific Ocean's "No fat. chicks"

policy.

FACT: The world's smallest insect is the fairy fly, only 0.2 mm long.

OPINION: You hardly ever hear rappers say stuff like " When bitchez front, I don't lie/that I'm hung like a fairy fly." But I bet Snoop Dogg is thinking

a cae j il , = rs | ad : ae

about it all the time.

FACT: An ant can lift over 50 times its own weight; like you lifting a lorry! OPINION: Wow, that's fucking incredible. I don't even know who Lorry is, but she must be big.

FACT: Baby hedgehogs are called urchins. _

OPINION: Somehow I doubt Sega Genesis would have caught on with games like Sonic the Urchin. But, then again, I was wrong about those _ inbred plumbers, the Super Mario Bros.

FACT: A group of rhinos is called a crash.

OPINION: Insurance companies often make the mistake of rejecting claims because they think rhi- nos are respon- sible when there is a crash, but 9 times out of 10 it's a zebras fault.

FACT: Most babies have a bet- ter sense of smell than adults. OPINION: However, adults who watch wrestling can smell what the Rock is cooking.

FACT: In 1988, a dentist in California killed 8 patients while they were in the dental chair. OPINION: 8 more patients died in his waiting room.

FACT: The notion that humans only use 10 percent of their brains is wrong. It's actually about 90 percent.

OPINION: People who go to Myron's don't have brains. They're robots.

FACT: The faster you blink your eyes, the happier you are. The more pain you are feeling,

the faster you blink.

OPINION: If you stick a pen in your eye, you'll find the secret of true happiness.

FACT: The unstable ground upon which San Francisco is built is moving north at about 1.5 inches a year.

OPINION: Wow! In a couple years, the losers who shop at San Francisco will have to go to Winners for their Macarena Monkeys and fake penis water bottles.

FACT: Fingernails grow at a rate of 1.5 inches a year. OPINION: I wish my fingers would grow at the same rate, so I wouldn't have to cut my nails, or wear gloves.

FACT: Touching or kissing a toad will not give you warts, but may cause hallucinations. OPINION: But, touching or kissing Prince will give you warts.

FACT: The largest bacterium known to science is visible to the naked eye.

OPINION: If your eye is wear- ing pants, you won't be able to see it.

FACT: Antarctica is the only continent that has no snakes. OPINION: I bet that attracts a lot of tourists to Antarctica's campgrounds.

FACT: In 1922, an Iowa man began hiccuping every second and didn't stop until he was 85 years old.

OPINION: He probably stopped after getting scared by something like a loud noise, or a bowel movement.

FACT: One species of antelope is purple.

OPINION: Tinky Winky is part antelope, part teletubby, and all cuddles.