Recognizing date rape when it happens

Everything but "yes" means "no'

By Candida Rifkind (CUP)

ou walk into the campus pub and see a group of women.

sitting together. You think one of them is really attractive, and you’ve talked to her a couple of times and get the feeling that she likes you too. You go over and sit down, and notice that she is paying a lot of attention to you, maybe even flirting. Everyone’s hada couple of beers and is really relaxed, so you figure that it’s cool to flirt back with her. You get up to dance, and she’s acting like she’s really drunk and wants you to hold on to her. So you figure she’s definitely interested, and ask her if she wants to leave. She laughs and says that she should stay with her friends, but you know that she doesn’t want the e around. So you say that you j

: he bed er to lighten up. , and after you’ve climbed on top she stops *s over she leaves right away, and when you offer her home she runs down the hallway and tells you not to call her.

It’s been a long week of classes, moving in and meeting new people, and you decide to go for a beer with some of the people you’re living with.

You go to the campus pub, and sit at a table where you can see people ©

coming in. Half an hour later, this guy you think is really attractive walks in, and comes over to your table. He starts talking to you, and you find out that he’s really interesting and hasa great sense of humour. When you get up to dance you realize that you’ve had too m feel kind of sick. He says that you and you laugh to make it se

you outside, even oh yo

you down onto the bed and starts taking off your clothes, and you know it’s all wrong, You try to say no, but he keeps kissing you and then he Climbs on top. He is so heavy and he won’t let you go. You’re really Scared, and realize that if you say anything he could hurt you. When he’s finished, you grab your clothes and leave. He wants to take you home, but

- she said she likes you, if she’s already agreed to kiss you,

you’re terrified of him. He just raped you. Are these scenarios realistic? Aren’t most rapes committed by stran- gers in dangerous parts of town? If she liked him and kissed him back, wasn’t she letting him know she wanted to have sex with him? Ifshe didn’t say no and try to defend herself, is it really rape? Forcing a woman to have sex against her will is called acquaintan rape. It’s sexual assault and it’s against the law, even if you know.t

she doesn’t fight back, or if she’s too d happens to women of all

The messages are eve ents picture womén in bikinis selling cars, little gir ght to be polite and not to say what they think, we sit in classes where women’s contributions are ignored, we go to parties where men who flirt are called “‘studs’” but women who do the same thing are called ‘‘sluts”’, and we have a legal system which places as much blame on the women who are raped as it does on the perpetrators. :

If this picture seems bleak, it is. But there are things that we can all do to stop violence against women, and to end acquaintance rape forever, Somie men must learn that it is never okay to force or coerce someone

isten to trust their own limits,

people, and in many have to pretend that a group d are now suddenly friends, are pe happens to university and college when we begin to think about it, speak out about attitudes and behaviour, that we can begin to stop

ryone has the power to end violence against women.

CUP article from The Student Advocate, a publication of the Canadian Federation of Students =

Candida Rifkind is Women’s Commissioner on the National Executive of the Canadian Federation of Students.

December 2, 1993/X-Press/9