Gotta Problem?

- s ainst You PREDICTIONS FOR UPEI 1988-89“ Neesticiv2

ree, the battled? £ 555-7111

(We fix student elections)

Cold as Hell

Weather details on page 43 ;

The Getta Life Assurance Company : Thursday April 14 1988

NEW METAL

BAND LEAD

BY SATANIC SANTA |

...his raey deal

HEADLESS GHOST OF PROM QUEEN HAUNTS CASS

“| like the smell...” , ‘ — i — After years of Researc

ITOOK100 HOURS es — ~~ PRACTICAL rr, OF = _ <a USE FOUND JUDSON ah FOR UPEI

GEOL-. PLANETARIU OGY

NEW ORIENTATIO COMMITTEE VOWS.

FROSH WILL REVERE US AS GODS!

--see page 96

ie 4 ..AND

SURVIVED

DANOLD. LANNE AFTER HIS ORDEAL

...can we stop them?

BIO CLUB. CHAOS

See page 1 New position guarantees

SKIN-BREATHING BABY EXPOSED BY DOCTOR WHO DELIVERED HER

FAKEPLACE (GEM) - A SKIN-BREATHING baby Dr.

Duckus told The Said Dr. Duckus, “

has been discovered in Fake- place, Prince County. Ac- cording to reports from fab- ricated sources, this amazing little girl was born without a set of lungs.

The existence of the girl was kept secret by the com- - However, testimony

Q. Duckus, who

delivered little Mary Ellen Madeup, finally revealed her

Germ that he initially gave Mary Ellen little hope of surviving.

After Mary Ellen was born the nurses caring for her noticed that she had an irregular heartbeat and breathing pattern. A se- ries of complicated tests were performed. Everything

“seemed fine except for the

X-ray.

immediately ‘rushed litt Mary Ellen into the o erating room and performe open-chest surgery. T X-ray was right, she ha no lungs! I couldn’t b lieve my eyes. The thorac cavity was completely empft except for a small lump {| tissue that appears to acting as her heart”.

See “SKIN” Page 3...