- Stephan MacLeod

FACT: The penis of a dragonfly is shaped like a shovel, and has the ability to scoop out a male rivals semen.

OPINION: Next time a fundamen- talist Christian tries making the argument that homosexuality goes against nature, be sure to remind them how fucked up nature is by chasing them with a shovel while screaming that you want their semen.

FACT: The word pornography' comes from the Greek meaning the "writings of prostitutes". OPINION: Does that mean The Cadre is pornography?

FACT: In Ancient Greece, women would expose their vaginas to ward off storms at sea.

OPINION: If we want to avoid another Hurricane Juan, I suggest we get those vaginas out where we can see them.

FACT: In Ancient Greece and Rome, dildos were made out of animal horns, gold, silver, ivory and glass.

OPINION: Guys seeking loose women would look for them at the farms with all the horn-less ani- mals.

FACT: While nudity was consid- ered commonplace to the ancient Greeks, a man was considered indecent if he had an exposed erec- tion.

OPINION: An exposed erection is indecent, but if it's only semi-erect and hanging out of a pair of unzipped pants, I just pretend not to notice...until someone points out that my zipper's down.

FACT: Both humans and porpoises have one social sex practice in common - group sex.

OPINION: Try explaining that to the angry zookeeper.

FACT: The penguin only has one single orgasm in a year. OPINION: Penguins don't have much sex because they are saving themselves for that special some- one.

FACT: The rhinoceros has a penis about two feet long. oe OPINION: Wow, that's almost as big as a midget.

FACT: The Black Widow spider eats her mate during or after sex. OPINION: I eat bowls of cereal during or after sex.

FACT: A bull can inseminate 300 cows from one single ejaculation. OPINION: Thus the term "bulls-

eye”.

FACT: The sperm of a mouse is

_ actually longer than the sperm of

an elephant.

OPINION: I wish I was in the lab- oratory the day the scientists had the contest to see which animal has the biggest sperm.

FACT: Sex education was first

- introduced into English schools i in

1889. OPINION: And so was born a long tradition of gym teachers

' awkwardly explaining to children

what a clitoris is. |

FACT: Cleopatra invented her own diaphragm from camel's poop. OPINION: It would be like anal sex, but unnecessarily so.

FACT: Eating the heart of a male Partridge was the cure for impo- tence in ancient Babylon. OPINION: If that doesn't help you get a great big erection, nothing will.

FACT: The left testicle usually hangs lower than the right for right-handed men. The opposite is true for lefties. :

OPINION: You can tell if someone is ambidextrous because their testi- cles drag around on the floor. -

(Politically Incorrect) Halloween Poems

Last Hallow Eve,

I sought a walnut tree

In hopes my true love's face

I would see.

Three times I called,

Three times I walked apace,

Then in the tree

I was my true love's face. -1912 Halloween Greetings postcard

He likes the attic of an aging house. His fingers make a hat about his

head. His pulse is so slow we think him

dead. He loops in crazy figures half the

night.

By day the bat is cousin to the mouse.

Among the trees that face the corner light.

But when he brushes up against the screen,

_ Weare afraid of what our eyes have - seen:

For something is amiss or out of place When mice with wings can wear a

human face. -Theodore Roethke

A man lost his wife on a Saturday night, and where do you think he found her? Away in the sky, flying so high, with the stars and the moon all around her.

-anon.

Discover Japan!

The Japan Exchange and teaching Programme is looking for candidates to participate as assistant English teachers in a one year cultural exchange, beginning in July 2004. Live, work and experience first-hand the adventure of discovering one of the

world’s most vibrant cultures. The progr.

amme inclides a

competitive salary, benefits, and tansportation to and from Japan.

The Consulate General of Japan at Montreal, with the help of the University of PRI's Student Ranployment Centre, ix pleased to men Merete sesado m:

Bale:

~ Getober 30, 2003 from 12:00 te 2200 pm

Place: Student Uston Board room W.A. Murphy Center, 20d Hoar

.:page [6] October 29, 2003:.

TO APPLY

Application forms can be slinintd eh the abt ded ie downkaded from our website at: www nontreal.ca.emb-japan.g0.jp/ For more formation: Tel: ($ 14) 866-3429

Application deadline: November 21, 2003 (postmarked)