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Window in Thrums,” Etc. Etc.

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THE DATLY EXAMINER, CHARLOTTETOWN, APRIL 22, 1897

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(Continued )

and I waded throngh the

oe —

William

yhisn to a hollow in the hill, known as

the toad's hole. It was here that Hag-

. returning boldly to Thrums four days after Chirsty had the last word, feet in with D. Fittis.

“He was cutting away. at the whins,”’ fammas remembered, “and I didna think that the whole time me and him

ke he ever raised his head; he was a terrible busy man, D. Fittis."’

Haggart, big, with his buttons, had, doubtless, as he approached the whin- slayer, the bosom of a victorious soldier marching home to music. Nevertheless it has been noticed that the warrior, who thrives on battles, may, even in the hour of bie greatest glory, be forever laid prone by achimney can. For Tammas Hag- gart. confident that a few minutes would gee him in Tillyloss, was preparing a surprise that rooted him to the toad’s- hold like a whin. I have a poor memory if 1 cannot remember Haggart’s vuwn words on this matter.

“{ stood looking at D. Fittis fora while,” he told me, ‘but I said nothing Joud out, though the chances are I was pitying the stocky in my mind. Then I says to him in an ordinary voice, not ex- pecting a dumfounding answer, I says, ‘ar, D. Fittis, and is there onything fresh in Thrums?’

“He hacks away at the whins, but says ne, ‘The bural’s this day.’

“ ‘Man,’ I says, ‘so there’s a funeral! Wha’s dead?’

; “« *Ye ken fine,’ says he implying as the thing was notorious.

‘* ‘Na,’ I says, ‘I dinna ken.

at?’

Wha ‘s

+ ‘Weel,’ says he, ‘it's Tammas Hag- ,

Tammas always warned us here against attempting to realize his feelings at these monstrous words. ‘‘I dinna say I. can picture my position now mysel’,’’ he said, ‘‘but one thing sure is that for the moment these buttons slipped clean out of my head. It was an eerie-like thing tosee D. Fittis cutting away at the whins after making such an announce- ment. A common death couldna have Affected him iess."’

“*Say wha’s dead again, D. Fittis,’ I cries, minding that the body was daft.

“*Tammas Haggart,’ says he, with the utmost confidence.

“ *Man, D. Fittis,’ I says, with un- controlled indignation, ‘ye’re a big lair.’

“*Whaever ye are,’ says he, ‘I would lick ye for saying that if I could spare the time.’

“ *Whaever I am!’ I cries. ‘Very weel ge ken I'm Tammas Haggart.’

*“*Wha's the liar now?’ says he.

“I was a sort of staggered at this, and Isays sharp-like, ‘What did Tammas Haggart die of?’

“I thocht that would puzzle him, if it was just his daftness that made him say I was gone, but he had his cause of death ready. ‘He fell down the quarry,’ says he.

“Weel, lads, his confidence about the thing sickened me, and. I says, ‘Leave these whins alone, D. Fittis, and tell me all about it.’

“I canna stop my work,’ he says, ‘but Tammas Haggart fell down the @uerty four nichts since. Ou, it was in the midle of the nicht. and all Thrums

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were sleeping when it was wakened by one awful scream. It wakened the whole

town. Ay, a heap of folk set up sudden in their beds.’ “*And was that Tammas Haggart

falling down the quarry?’ I says, earnest- like, for I was a kind of awestruck.

‘It was so,’ says he, the whins.

‘They didna find the body, I says, looking down on satisfaction.

‘* Ay,’ says he, ‘the masons found it the next morning, and there was a richt rush of folk to see it.’

“ *Ye had been there?’ I says.

‘* *T was,’ says he, ‘and so war the wifle as lives beneath me. She took her bairn too, for she said, ‘‘It’ll be some- thing for the little ane to boast about having seen when he grows bigger.”’ Ay, man, it had been a michty fall, and the face wasna recognizable.’

‘** *How did they ken, then,’ ‘that it was Tammas Haggart?’

**Ou,’ says he at once, ‘they kent him by his top-coat.’

‘**Lads, of course I saw in a klink that the man as stole my top-coat had fallen down the quarry and been mista’en for me. Weel, I nipped mysel’ at that. It’s an unco thing to say, but I admit I was glad to have this proof, as ye may call it, that it really me as was standing in the toad’s hole.

though,’ mysel’ with

says I,

asked him.

‘** ‘It’s at half three this day,’ he says, ‘and I'll warrant it’s half three now, so if ye want to be sure ye’re no Tammas Haggart ye can see him buried.’

**I took a long look at D. Fittis, it’s gospel I tell ye when I say I never liked him from that minute.

Then I hurried up the hill to the ceme- tery dyke, and sat down on it. Lads, I sat there, just at the very corner, whaur

they’ve since put a cross to mark the |

spot, and I watched my ain bural. Yes, there I sat for nearan hour, me, Tam- mas Haggart, an ordinary man at that time, getting sich an experience as has been denied to the most highly edicated in the land. I’m no boasting, but facts is facts.

“I’m no saying it wasna a fearsome sight, for I had a terrible sinking at the heart, and a mortal terror took grip of

me, so that I couldna have got off that |

dyke except by falling. Ay, and when

: to Tillyloss,’ | never

en

tearimg away in |

, Says,

' Fittis, for I was feared other folk

the grave was filled up and the mourn- |

ers had dribbled away, I sat on with some uncommon thochts in my mind. It would be wearing on to four o’clock when I got up shivering, and walked back to whaur D. There was a question I wanted to put to him.

‘* *1). Fittis,’ I says, ‘was there ony of the Balribbie folk as visited Tamimas Haggart’s wife in her affliction”

‘* *Ay,’ says the crittur, trying to break a supple whin with his foot, ‘the wifle as lives beneath me was in the house at Tillyloss when in walks a grand teddy.’

** ‘So, so,’ I says, ‘and was Chirsty ta’en up like about her man bein dead?’

‘ ‘Ay,’ says D. Fittis, ‘she was _ greet- ing, but as soon as the grand woman comes in, Chirsty takes the wifle as lives beneath me into a corner and whispers to her.’

‘ ‘—. Fittis,’ I says, sternly, ‘tell me what Chirsty Tood whispered, for muckle depends on it.’

‘* ‘Weel,’ he says, the leddy calls the corpse Jeames’ conterdict her.’’ ’

“I denounced Chirsty in my heart at that, not being sufficient of a humorist to make allowance for women, and I says, just to see if the thing was com- monly kent, I says,

‘“* ‘And wha would Jeames be?’

‘* ‘1 dinna ken,’ says D. Fittis, ‘but maybe you’re Jeames_ yersel’, when ye canna be Tammas Hagegart.’

‘*Lads, ye see now that it was D. Fittis as put it into my head to do what I sub- sequently did. ‘Jeames,’ I said, ‘i'll be frae this hour, and without another word I walked off in the opposite direction frae Thrums.

‘‘I dinna pretend as it was Chirsty’s behavior alone that sent me wandering through the land. I had a dread of that funeral for one thing, and for another I had twelve gold guineas about me. More- over, the ambition to travel took hold of me, and I thocht Chirsty’s worst trials Was over at ony rate, and that she was used to my being dead now.’’

‘‘But the well-wisher. Tammas?’’ would say at this stage.

‘“*Ay, I'm coming to that. I walked at a michty stride alang the hill and round by the road at the back of the three-corn- ered wood to near as far as_ the farm of

‘she whispered, ‘‘If dinna

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Fittis was working.

Glassal, and there I sat down at the road- side. | was beginning to be mair anxious about Chirsty now, and to think I was fell fond of her for all her exasperating ways. L was torn with conflicting emo- tions, of which the one said, ‘Back ye go but the other says, ‘Ye'll have a chance like this ‘again. | Well, I could not persuade mysel’, though I did my best, to gang back to my loom and hand ower the siller to C hirsty, and so, as ye all ken, I compromised. I hur- ried back to the hill—’’

**But ye’ve forgotten the cheese?’’

‘Na, listen: I hurried back to the hill, wondering how I could send a guinea to Chirsty, and I minded that I had about half a pound of cheese in my pouch, the which I had got at a farm in Glen Quharity. Weel, I shoved a guinea into the cheese, and back I goes to the hill to D. Fittis.

‘ *D. Fittis,’ I says, ‘I ken you're an honest man, and I want ye to take this bit of cheese to Chirsty Todd.’

** ‘Ay,’ he says, ‘I'll take till it’s ower dark for me whins.’

“What a busy crittur D. Fittis was, and to noend! I left the cheese with him, and was off again, when he cries me back.

“ “Wha will I say sent the cheese?’ he asks, I considered a minute, and then I ‘Tell her,’ I says, ‘that it is frae a well-wisher.’

‘These were my

it, but no to see the

last words to D. micht see me, and away I ran. Yes, lads, I covered twenty miles that day, never stopping till I got to Dundee.”’

lt was Haggart’s way, when he told his stery, to pause now and again for comments, and this was a point where we all wagged our heads, the question being whether his assumption of the character of a well wisher was not a clear proof ot humor. ‘‘That there was humor in it,’’ Haggart would say, when summing up, ‘“‘I can now see, but com- pared to what was to follow, it was _nei- ther here nor there. My humor at that time was like a laddie trying to open a stiff gate, and even when it did squeeze past, the gate closed again with a snap.

; « ‘When did ye say the bural was?’ T| Ay, lads, just listen, and ye’ll hear how

it came about as the gate opened wide, never to close again.’’

“Ye had the stuff in ye, though,’’ Lookaboutyou would say, ‘‘and therefore, I’m of opinion that ye’ve been a humor

a ist frae the cradle.’’

‘Little you ken about it,’’ Haggart would answer. ‘‘No doubt I had the material cf humor in me, but it was raw. I’m thinking cold water and kail and carrots and a penny bone are the materials broth is made of?’’

“They are, they are.’’

‘“‘Ay, but it’s no broth till it boils?®’’

“*So it’s no. Ye’re richt, Tammas.’’

‘Weel, then, it’s the same with humor. Considering me as a humorist, ye micht say that when my travels began I had put mysel’ on the fire to boil.’’

CHAPTER IV.

Not having a Haggart head on my shoulders I dare not attempt to follow the explorer step by step during his wanderings of the next five months. In that time he journeyed through at least one country, uuconsciously absorbing everything that his conjurer’s wand could turn to humor when the knack came to him. This admission he has himselt signed in conversation.

‘“*‘Ay,’’ he said, ‘‘I was like a blind beggar in these days, and the dog that led me by a string was my impulses.’’

Most of us let this pass, with the re- flection that Haggart could not have said it in his pre-humorous days, but Snecky Hobart put in his word.

‘ Ye were hardly like the blind beg- gar,’’ he said, ‘‘for ye didna carry a tanker for folk to put bawhbees in.”’

Snecky explained afterwards that he only spoke to give Haggart an opportun- ity. It was, indeed, the way of all of us, when we saw an opening, to coax Tam- mas into ut. Se sportsmen of another

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dogs, and confidently await results. ‘*Ye’re wrang, Snecky,’’ replied Hag- gart. As ever, before shooting his then paused. His he had the ay p:

bolt, he mouth was open, and surance of a man hearken- ing intensely tor communication from below. There were those who went the length of hinting that on these occa- sions something inside jumped to his mouth and told him what to say.

**Yes, Snecky,’’ he said at last, ‘‘ye’re wrang. My mouth was the tanker, and the folk I met had all to pay toll, as ye may say, for they dropped things into my mouth that my humor turns to as muckle account as though they were bawbees. I’m no sure—”’

‘““There’s no many things ye’re no sure of, Tammas.”’

‘‘And this is no ene of them. It’s just a form of expression, and if ye inverrupt me again, Snecky Hobart, I’ll saya sar- castic thing about you that instant. What I was to say was that I’m _ no sure but what a humorist swallows everybody whole that he falls in with.’’

The impossibility of telling everything that befell Haggart in his wanderings is best: proved in his own words:—

‘‘My adventures,’’ he said, ‘‘was so surprising thick that when I cast them over in my mind I’m like a manina corn-field, and every stalk of corn an adventure. Lads, it’s uselesss to expect me to give you the history of ilka stalk. I wrax out my left hand, and I grip something, namely, an adventure; or I wrax out my right hand and grip some- thing, namely, another adventure. Well, by keeping straight on in ony direction we wade through adventures till we get out of the field, that is to say, till we land back at Thrums. Ye say my adven- tures sounds different on different nichts. Precisely, for it all depends on which direction I splash off in.’’

Without going the length of saying that Haggart splashed more than was necessary, I may perhaps express regret that he never saw his way to clearing up certain disputed passages in his wander- ings. I would, I know, be ill-thought of among the friends who survive him if I stated for a fact that he never reached London. There was a general wish that he should have taken London. in his travels, and if Haggart had a weakness it was his reluctance to disappoint an audience. I must own that he trod down his corn-field pretty thoroughly before his hand touched the corn-stalk called London, and that his London reminis- cenees never seemed to me to have quite the air of reality that filled his recollec- tions of Edinburgh. Admitted that he confirmed glibly as an eye-witness the report that Lendon houses have no gar- dens (except at the back), it remains undoubted that Craigiebuckle confused him with the question :-—

‘*What do they charge in London for half-a-pound of boiling beef and a penny bone?”’

sce

(To be Continued.)

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