The Cadre

To honor the noble efforts of our provincial governments audit | have composed the following song. Based on the classic Stan Roger's tune, | present to you - "The Value Auditeers.”

It's been four years that I’ve studied here, oh | wish I'd gone to college now.

| left my home and my family

to get a B.A. in Philosophy

God damn them all

I was told I could come out here and better my life if | worked real hard, have no fear

I'ma lowly Arts student in my last year,

waiting for the cuts of the Auditeers...

I spent my days with my profs,

oh I wish I'd gone to college now. They talk about truth and life and God, but what good is that in a ‘real’ job

God damn them all

| was told I could come out here and better my life if | worked real hard,

have no fear

I'ma lowly Arts student in my last year, waiting for the cuts of the Auditeers...

Then | went home and read my books,

oh I wish I'd gone to college now.

| studied them all night after night,

but they make me think and that’s just not right

God damn them all

I was told | could come out here and better my life if | worked real hard,

have no fear

I'ma lowly Arts student in my last year, waiting for the cuts of the Auditeers...

IEE a alr

I lost my weekends to my papers,

oh I wish I'd gone to college now.

Writing my thoughts down on a page,

when | could have been working for minimum wage God damn them all

| was told | could come out here and better my life if | worked real hard,

have no fear

I’m a lowly Arts student in my last year, waiting for the cuts of the Auditeers...

Now the government is worried I’ve wasted my time, oh | wish I'd gone to college now

They see no value in what | do,

yet they loaned me the money to see it through

God damn them all

I was told | could come out here and better my life if | worked real hard,

have no fear

I’m a lowly Arts student in my last year, waiting for the cuts of the Auditeers...

Now here I sit in my twenty-seventh year,

oh I wish I'd gone to college now

No money, no skills, just a mind set free,

is it too late to trade it for a Business degree?

God damn them all

I was told I could come out here and better my life if | worked real hard,

have no fear

I'm a lowly Arts student in my last year... And I say to Hell with the Value-Auditeers...

BY ERYN FAGAN

A person, i guess, can find the greatest of inspiration where others may only see garbage. That’s my interpre- tation of this piece, anyhow. It is also commonly known as idealism. ..Whatever it is, this inspiration came to me one strange insomniac night, and ever since it has helped me to look at things a touch differ- ently. With the advent of

Deep

stuff

Waste Watch

Waste Watch in charlottetown, i decided to share my ideas with whoever might read and think awhile.

Different forms of waste must be processed through varying ways. Equally, different le believe that they will be processed, even- tually, in varying ways. In this way, each of the three major theories on life after death can

be roughly compared toa gen- eral method of dealing with

ge. Strange, yes, but I've actually found that by viewing beliefs in this way, one can find that no life can ever be trully “wasted.” Here's the

spin:

Some can be recycled. When its present form can no longer function as is, it is simply remolded and

given a brand new life, Holly-

wood style. Does this not sound a little like the idea of reincar- nation? Through this perspec- tive, souls are also “recycled”, moving from one shell into another like hermit crabs. “Death” is just a construct. No waste here.

Alas and alack, some garbage is just, theoretically, unreusable in a functional

eee?

sense. Here in Charlottetown, we deal with this usually via the local incinerator. I'd say that is a pretty good repre- sentative of Hell. Note that there is also a smoke stack. Now, recall that i didn’t say anything about every product of life being good. It may end upas acid rain, but it all comes down in the end. Doesn’t it seem, sometimes, that the hor- ribleactsof reviled people echo in society tong after their death?

Heaven is an antique store, to the best of my knowl- edge (I am not being deroga- tory). This goes beyond gar- bage. Some things just stand the test of time, prove them- selves of their value, and re- ceive a special place where they become even more re- vered. Museums fit in here, too.

Purgatory, forthose like myself who are (ahem) catholically challenged, is ba- sically landfill, as it takes a really, really long time for things to be dealt with.

The hardest theory to pigeon hole is held by those scientific types who view hu- mans as mere mortal animals. Youare born, you live, and you die as a biological organism, and the end is indeed the end. Atthe same time, it isaknown biological fact that organic material is broken down into the soil and reenters the cycle of nature. Composting. This is the greatest proof that no life is wasted, however you look at things, because every being, in spite of whatever, ends up giv- ing back to the world in some way.

I know, as | write, that this may be a very naive way to look at the world, a way to give some kind of purpose to existance and value to every scrap of it. Then again, it does help to sort the clutter once in awhile and look forthe order within.