Editorial 21: Chicken and Ham

I am now sitting in a booth at a crowded Wendy’s restaurant waiting for The Editor to bring me my chicken and ham sandwich combo. I always get the Taste of the Month.

Matt Dorrell, The Editor’s “attorney,” arrives first with his double burger combo. He sits opposite me and I pretend he is not there and continue to prepare for my forthcoming interview with The Editor. This is going to be my big break.

The Editor finally arrives with two upsized chicken and ham sandwich combos. He sits down next to Dorrell, creating an intimi- dating division between the inter- viewer and the interviewees. The Editor gives me my food and with- out touching a thing, I begin the interview.

So, what is it that you like about the mall? We had just visited the Charlottetown Mall.

“There’s lots of ass at the mall,” says The Editor, unwrapping his chicken and ham sandwich.

Speaking of ass, we recent-

CONTENTS

3 SAFFRON

5 POSTCARDS

11 =Sear SALE ly discovered that some asshole has 12. Pouitics been removing all of the copies of : The Cadre from the stands and 13 ECMA SurvIvAL throwing them in the trash. What do you think of that? 18 ECMA BAnp REVIEWS The Editor tears open a packet of ranch dressing and spills fl Discs or Fury the contents on his burger wrapper. “Well, my boy, when you’re a star 19“ FAMILY VIOLENCE of my magnitude, you’re not con-

cerned with the goings-on from day to day.” He selects a french fry and dips it profusely into the ranch 1 dressing. “This really troubles me,

"however, because it’s really stu- dents’ money being thrown away— being completely wasted. ‘Normally, I don’t mind wasting students’ money. I mean, The Cadre’s recent trip to Vancouver was purely for me to get my dri- ver’s license renewed.” Kent is

from Coquitlam, British Columbia: a suburb of Vancouver.

What would you to the per- son if you found him or her?

“T can tell you their name would stink for a very long time,” says The Editor chomping on a french fry drenched in ranch dress- ing.

“But nothing rash would be done,” pipes in Dorrell. “Proper channels would be taken.”

Like what?

“I would string the scurvy pig fucker up by his nuts,” says The Editor.

What if the person is a woman?

“His or her nuts,” supplies The Editor.

Did you say pig fucker?

“How about chicken fuck- er?” asks Dorrell, clearly forgetting his role to protect his client’s repu- tation.

“But I like pig fucker,” replies The Editor. “Chicken fuck- er’s too tame.”

“How about chicken/pig fucker?” asks Dorrell, pronouncing the slash.

“That’s good,” says The Editor. He takes a bite of his sand- wich. “Veggy goof.” He chews three times, swallows and looks at me. “Did you get all that?”

Yeah, I think so. 1 am scrib- bling away furiously on my sheet of paper.

I realise at this point that the interview is over and turn to my meal. I unwrap my sandwich and examine it.

“Chicken and ham,” says The Editor noticing me examining my sandwich. “I like them both.”

Its two meats in one. Thats always good. | pick up my sand- wich and take a large bite.

Olwies goof.

Jeff Coll Production Manager