» FACT: Starfish have no brains. OPINION: What they lack in smarts, they make up for with five cocks.

FACT: Dr.Seuss pronounced “Seuss” so it rhymed with “rejoice.”

OPINION: And he pronounced “Green eggs and ham” so it rhymed with “I carry my gat in case of suckas.”

FACT: Dolphins sleep with one eye open.

OPINION: So if you want to hump one, sneak up on the side where the eye is closed.

FACT: An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes.

OPINION: It’s quicker to kill one by throwing a rock at it.

FACT: New Jersey has a spoon muse- um with over 5,400 spoons from almost all of the states.

OPINION: Man, if I could only get into that spoon museum, I’d have enough spoons to start the coolest band.

FACT: The Eiffel Tower has 2.5 million rivets in it.

OPINION: Rivets? I thought French people were called Frogs.

FACT: It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year’s supply of footballs.

OPINION: It takes 4,000 baby seals to

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The Best of Fact and Opinion =

supply the NHL with hockey pucks.

FACT: Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

OPINION: Most Australians say the word mate over 50 times a day. Coincidence? I think not.

FACT: A stretched-out Slinky is 87 feet long.

OPINION: If you give kids a spring that is 87 feet long and call it a toy, you shouldn’t be surprised if they take out their aggressions by shooting their classmates.

FACT: The average speed of Heinz ketchup leaving the bottle is 25 miles per year.

OPINION: That’s almost faster than Terry Fox.

FACT: Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them would burn their houses down—hence the expression “to get fired.”

OPINION: Now, if someone wants to

get rid of someone without killing thern, then they throw tennis balls at them during breakfast—hence the expression “get your balls out of my cereal.”

FACT: There are more cows in Vermont than people. OPINION: I like those odds.

FACT: The average age of top GM executives in 1994: 49.8 years. The average age of the Rolling Stones: 50.6. OPINION: I'll bet that when GM exec- utives say “corporate merger” they’re really talking about screwing their groupies.

FACT: If the population of China

walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

OPINION: The Chinese get their freak on in line ups? I wish the line up for the Registrar’s Office was like that.

FACT: No word in the English lan- guage rhymes with month.

OPINION: That’s why rappers target women instead of calendars. The word hoe rhymes with practically anything.

FACT: Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

OPINION: That’s why he’s considered a hero. Most people don’t even realize that he used to play basketball.

FACT: The longest name 4s: Rhoshandiatellyneshiaunneveshenk Koyaanisquatsiuth Williams. The girl was born in Texas and the name is sup- posed to have a mixture of her mother’s best moments.

OPINION: If I tried putting my best moments in the name of my child, I would end up naming the kid Naked Treeclimbing.

FACT: 7.5 million tooth- picks can be made from one cord of wood. OPINION: If | had wooden | teeth, would I need to use a toothpick made out of real teeth?

FACT: There are only 48 natural skin tones.

OPINION: It’s silly to judge someone by their skin tone because underneath we’re all just goo and slime.

FACT: Eskimos use refrigerators to defrost food.