Fact & Opinion

FACT: The first zoo in the USA was in Philadelphia. OPINION: In West Philadelphia, born and raised. In the zoo was where I spent most of my days. Chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’, or coolin’, or shootin’ some b-ball outside of the zoo. When acouple of guys, they were up to no good, started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared. She said, “You’re moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.”

FACT: The letter N ends all Japanese words not ending ina vowel.

OPINION: Pokemon wouldn’t be very popular ifit was known as Poke Mo.

FACT: France has the highest per capita consumption of cheese.

OPINION: Montreal’s “Just for Laughs” festival has the second highest consumption of cheese by French

people.

FAGT: The hardest bone in the human

By Stephan MacLeod

body is the jawbone. OPINION: That’s good to know if you don’t have a hammer and you need to use a part of your face to

naila poster ona wall.

FACT: 4000 people are injured by teapots each year.

OPINION: Teapots don’ tkill people. Stupid fuckers that don’t know how to make tea kill people.

FACT: The typical American consumes 27 pounds of cheese each year.

OPINION: But nobody knows where

it all comes from.

FACT: The shortest English word that contains the letters A, B, C, D, E, and F is feedback.

OPINION: I once asked a professor for feedback onan assignment and she made me listen toa Sonic Youth CD. I don’t know what that means. I probably shouldn’tcomment on how shitty my opinions are. I’m doing it again, aren’t I? Sweet fuck! This is almost as bad as the time I wrote out the lyrics for the Fresh

Prince of Bel Air.

FACT: The ostrich has a46 foot long small intestine.

OPINION: Wow. If that’s its small intestine, it must have ahuge large intestine.

FACT: The large intestine is pretty damn big.

OPINION: Oh Jesus.

How big are its eggs?

FACT: I don’t know. I didn’t notice any eggs when I ran over it with my car. OPINION: Poor guy. Why’ d the ostrich cross the road?

FACT: Stop it. You’re not supposed to talk to me. Just keep writing, and please try not to quote The Fresh Prince of Bel Airanymore. That was really stupid. OPINION: That’s just your opinion. I bet there are some losers reading this rightnow that thought it was clever.

FACT: The only reason you wrote it is because you’re running out of material. When you can’t think of something funny to

say, you curse, tell

continued on page 22

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