SEPTEMBER 27, 2005

Your Student Union Executive

Pete Grandy Reporter

classes, we begin to adjust to the butt load of work assigned, check out the odd hottie, and do our best to keep it real. The student union executive not only has to complete these painstaking tasks but also manage to operate the UPEISU as well. Who are these marvelous saints? Why they are none other than Ryan Gallant, Shaun Coady, Ellen Klein, and Dennis Cahill. When asked “What do you think the UPEISU executive do?” student Jeff “Junkyard Dog” Doherty responded. “Like I give a *beep*, you ugly bitch.” Judging by Junkyard’s response, I feel the student body should be informed.

President Ryan Gallant is chief executive and official spokesperson of the Union. He is to call Executive Committee and Regular Council meetings. He is amember of the Senate and the Board of Governors. Performing research and lobbying activities as may be assigned or required by the union on behalf of its members are also part of his duties. On top of this he is to fulfill 25 office hours per week and complete any other task that is hurled his way.

What does Mr. Gallant think of his job so far? It’s great! It gives me the opportunity to interact with people and bring their concerns to council. I also like solving the problems that arise.” When asked to comment on his salary, Ryan bellowed “...it’s fair compared to flipping burgers or whatever else normal people do.”

Apparently Mr. Gallant is unaware of what “normal” people do, that’s not to say he doesn’t have plans for the students of UPEI. “We need a big voice on campus. Certain positions

aren’t taking us serious but students are a crucial part of UPEI. We are working to create a position within senior management that represent students directly.” states Gallant.

“Coady does nothing” remarks Gallant. Executive Vice President Shaun Coady disagrees with this statement “Gallant feels all mighty, considers himself god’s gift to women. The truth is he’s a jerk and dependent on me. I think he looks up to me.” What does our Executive VP do besides inspire the president and run the show when Mr. Gallant has a hangover? He acts as the liaison to our national representation organization.

Along with the big cheese, he performs such research and lobbying as may be assigned or required by the Union on behalf ofits members and sits on Senate. Finally Shaun assists students with any academic appeals or other academic related issues and co- ordinates campaigns as may be assigned or required by the union. “This job is pretty slack. I like a lot of authority...I also get to share an office with Kristi Kelly and she’s HOT!” states Coady.

Vice President of Activities Ellen Klein was half flustered when asked be interviewed. I asked her how her job was going and she responded “1, um, (hahaha) it’s a lot of fn and I’m learning a lot and man I hate interviews....the job is great and I have a fun time doing it”

Mr. Coady seems to think very highly of Ellen “Brains of the operation, well organized, and up to date with current politics and what a presence! A

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THE CADRE © 6

Ask Mr. Advice

Dear Mr. Advice,

First of all, [ love reading your column. I often think I’m alone with my problems, until I read the stuff your readers send in and realize most of that stuff has happened to me too! I never thought I’d need to ask you for advice, but now I do...

You see, I’m a small time bookie/ bread bootlegger in Brown’s Court. I take bets on local games and such, and then have a full featured illegal bread bar in my kitchen. Anyway, I made a series of bad bets and now I owe Big Joe a stack of cash! I panicked... I didn’t know what to do... He was going to take my bread grill! So I did what anyone else in my situation would have done: [ held a troop of Girl Guides at gunpoint and stole all of their cookie money (and cookies, of course). Thinking [ hit it big, I went back home and hid out for a while thinking there still might be a Girl Guide or two that has to get her “Ass-kicking” badge. I was right. Now I have Big Joe AND the entire Charlottetown chapter of Sparks, Brownies, and Girl Guides on

whether you tike é ox aot

a

my ass. The cash I stole won’t even put a dent in Big Joe’s debt.

Yours, Screwed in Brown’s

Dear Screwed,

WTF. Robbing Peter to pay Paul is never a good idea, especially when there’s 150 Peters who won’t think twice about killing you and Paul is named “Big Joe.” You my friend, are a dumbass. Here’s what I’d do: lock myself in the laundry room and hope they slice your roommate thinking it’s you. Good luck with that one.

And I don’t get the whole “illegal bread bar” thing. Is the bread illegal, or just the bar? Whatever. Hope this helps!

Tam, Mr. Advice

Troubled? Scared? Need help? Write to Mr. Advice! askmradvice@gmail.com

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