NEW DISCOVERIES IN MALE BIRTH CONTROL BREAKTHROUGHS

An entirely new method of birth control has been discovered. Apparently atiny folded umbrella is inserted in the penis and opens automatically when it has reached the apex of the shaft. The underside of the umbrella contains a jelly like substance which causes the sperm to undergo a chemical change which renders the sperm incapable of fertilizing the egg: The umbrella can be inserted in the penis without an anesthetic, and with very little discomfort to the male.

This means that it can be inserted in a matter of minutes in any soundproof doctor’s office.

Experiments were carried out on approximately one thousand goats, since their sexual equipment is ob- served as being the closet to man’s, proved that the sperm umbrella had been 100% effective in preventing pregnancy and did not interfere with the female goats rutting pleasure. The umbrella was declared to be statistically safe for men. Statistics had further re- ported that out of every 100 goats only 2 died of intra-penis infection; 20 had experienced painful swelling; 16 had developed cancer of the testicles and 13 were too depressed to have an erection.

Early detection of testicle cancer is now possible and the removal of one or both testicles is now being considered as a simple operation and it has very little effect ona goat’s sexual prowess. One out of 1000 goats had to have a radical penisectomy, which is the removal of the penis and the testicles. This instance has been reported as being rare and has little statisti- cal importance. Other medical professions have agreed that the results of the umbrella has greatly outweighed the risk to individual men.

A ten-year-old boy went to a drugstore with fifty cents to spend. He spent a lot of time looking and finally chose a box of Tampax. ‘‘Are you sure that’s what you want?’’ the druggist asked. ‘‘ You bet!’ the boy said. *‘The box says that with these youcan swim, ride, or play tennis, and up to now I haven’t been able to do any of those things.’’

Campus Women

HISTORY LESSONS NEEDED!

The Women’s movement os so confused with the stereotypes that how women are women supposed to know what it really is. The women’s movement is not © discussed in school until you get to university you don’t hear anything about it. The women’s movement is completely erased from the history curriculum during the junior high and high school years. Univer- sity is the only opportunity to learn about feminism. Itis constantly a general stereotype that feminists are bitches, dykes, man-haters, murders (IF they are pro- choice) and anti-family.

Itis felt among some people on campus that we should leave feminist doctrine out of Women Studies (but itis okay to have sexist male teachers or profes- sors because we don’t need to be taught by female teachers. We should be able to feel comfortable with the male teaching staff of schools and universities sexist or not). I’m not saying all male teaching teach- ~ ers are Sexist, but I have had some experiences through my school years.

In the context used anyone can bea ‘‘bitch’’ (but to deconstruct this really no person could be) and you

_ don’t have to bea feminist to be a ‘‘bitch’’.as forthe _ man-haters,enough said.

.feminist does not mean you have to be a lesbian (of course for serotype to work you have to believe that the feminists hate men than they are lesbians and lesbians hate men). Bull. This is not true. These ideas are put into the heads of © young people and instills fear of feminists. ;

We desperately need the women’s movement taught in ~ junior high and high schools. To help rid of this fear of feminism. Women are part of the society too and always have been. I think it would be better for women to havea sense of history. To know that we have belonged fora long time.

UPEI X-P RESS

March 12, 1992

Page 6