SAM SMITI-l‘S SOLILIQUY.

By the beard of the Prophet! what a" thing it is to be a bachelor! l‘wonder when this table was dusted last! I wonder how long since that mat- tress was turned, or that carpet swept, or what was the primeval color of that ewer and wash- basin.

Christopher Columbus! how the frost curtains the windows; how dirge-like the wind moans; hoyvglilra a great white pall the snow fslls.—Five times I've rung that bell for coals for that rickety

old urate, but I might its well thump tor admit- lo

lance at the gates of Paradise.

And spealtin of ParadiIe—Sam Smith, you must be niarrle ;you havn‘t a button to your shirt, nor a shirt to your buttons either. Wonder if t must ' with it new bonnet eve day to keep the peace! Wonder. if you bring home‘ I friend unexpectedly to dinner, if they always take to their bed with a sick lit-ad-ache! Wish there was any way of finding out but by experience. \Vell, Sam, you are a Napoleonic- looliing fellow; if you can't take the nonsense out old woman who can? How I shall pet the little clipper! I'll marry a blue-eyed woman ,1 they are the most affectionate. Site mttst not bef too tall ; a man's wife should not look down upon} him. She must not know too much ; the furics take your port, catrinrotiiity, scribbling wonit-.n,' with a rt-partvo nlways rolled up under their tonuties. She muso’i be over twenty-one: but how! to find that out, Fain, is the question! She must’ be liaiidsorne—iio she mustn't either. I should be as jealous as Blue liurrd. All the corkscrew, piiitrrlimrted. perluincd popiiijays would he uglini!’ her -—-lltit then again, more are 3'5 days in at year, and three times a tlayl must sit o positci lliat crrulilllilal face at the table. What's to be'

M10 P es, she tiiust lto liaridsotne; that is as,‘ much a settled point. as that Lottie Napoleon had It ult’Wt§ll ltori-or ol /ram.

Wntider if wives are expensive articles? Won-l dcr if their “lllllu lino-ls were ever made to scratch- out hnsh.ind's eyes 1'' Wonder il (.'audlo lec- tures are “all in your eye." or occasionally in your ear? Won-l--.r it habics iiiva'iably' prefer the night time to cry 1

To iriarry, or not to marry, Sam? Whether it is better to no huttonless. and to shiver, or marry and be always in hot water?

‘l‘here‘s 'l‘nm llillot. 'l‘om’s married. I was his grooitisman. I would have given a small for- tiiiie to have been in his white satin vest. \Vliat with the music. and the roses, and pretty, bri lesinriid. l)idn’t the bride look licvritcliing with- the rose lliisli on ht-r clt--:-k and the tear on her- ry-laslil And lio-.v provttkinlgy happy Tum looltc l. WIIPII he whirled oil with her in the car- rirr-_-e to their new home; and wliat a pretty lilllt: liouuz it was, to be sure? It it just a year, ago to-d.ty since they were iirartied. I dined, there ycsiertlay. It strikes me, that Tom don't, joke as much as he used in his bachelor days ; l and tlieo he has it way, too, it leaving his sen-l tenccs unfiiiislied. Then I noticed. that his wife often tout-lied his foot with her slipper under the table. What do you ituppoae site did that for? Just as l was huttouiog tip my coat to come a- way, I asktzd 'I‘orn it he wouldn’t go to the theatre with me. He looked at his wife, and she said, “Oh, go by all means, Mr. llillot; " when Tom immediately declined. I don't understand ‘_ matrimonial tactics, but it seems to me he ought’ to have obliged her.

Do you know John Jones and his wife? (pecn-' liar name that——Jones !) Well, they are another’ happy couple. It is enough to make bachelors’l eyes green to see them. Mrs. Jones had beenl four times a widow when she married John. She knows the value of husbands. She takes pre-, cious good care of John. Before he goes to the‘ office in the morning. she pops her head out of the window to tree if the wcailier-cock indicates it zcphyr; this point settled, she follows him to the. door, and calls him back to button his thorax~but- too, for fear ofqninsy. Does a shower come up in that‘ ettoon, she sends him his India-rubbers] and'an xtrn ﬂannel shirt, and an oll~clotb over- all, and prepares two quarts of boiling ginger tea‘ to administer on his arrival, (031153, the damp’

should strike in. Iflie helps himself to a second, bit of turkey, she immediately removes it from his, plate, andnpplying a pocket handlreroltiaf to her‘ eyea.naka him, if he has -the heart to stroke her,-

for the ﬁfth time,q,widowl Y ,.;can see with‘ half an eye. that John ustbc OITIG happiest dog

aim. _ _I’d like to see’ tlie-tniscreanrwbo dares to- say he ian _ . . l

Certainly—matrimcny is an invention of:-‘ Woll; no matter who invented it. I’m going tol try it—Where’s my blue coat with the bright brass‘ buttons! The vvomenhas yet to be born vvhol can resist that; and my, buff vest and neck-tie too; may I be shctifl don't ofer them to” both the little widow Pardiggh this very-night !‘ "Pardig-r uhl’N’ltabttsl-ubdt's nsmetfor satiliP{ r ‘

nae-

Illlu-chriotori her with’ the so onions name ofsinith She'll have me, cfcourse. She, wants: husband-—l want a wife; there's one point slrsgyin which we erfectly agree. Ilrate; ptelitviiaa .‘ Iluppoao is‘unnessary’fcr me; tozttegitr the atnatory alphabet. Wttha widow, Sam, you can slip the rudiments’; aay_ what, ornhayp got to any iyiglimfraption of asecond.‘ ‘Vutlien "r'otr a’s rhischletous as Satan ' they‘ think ytqu Er: aJfra'td ofthsin. §:l lcolaqsr ifli war a ai . nqt ea,s‘$i;io,t ‘grout , wit -2- -mart. -..ir. 2 i p lllci: I ’ "”'h’It tbd‘i‘itlabhlbfli filllb era-l

‘ ' ' in ' V’ '7‘ HASZA1{l)’b GAL vat! It must be the cold that miiltes me tremble so. 'I‘here--tltst‘ll do ; that’: quite an inspiration. Brumniel himself couldn't go beyond tliat. Now for the widow! lter little round face. Iain im- mensely obliged to old Pardipgle for giving her I quit claim. I'll make her as happy as.a little robin. Do you think I'd brinil I tell’ "I!" ll" lively blue eye! Do you think I'd sit alter tea with my back to her, and my feet on the fender. staring up the chiiitney for tlirtie I-ours togetltel P Do you think I'd leave her blessed little side to dangle round oyster-saloons anil theatres ? Do I olt like a man to let a woiniin llitten ht-.r pretty little nose against the window-patio night after night, trying to see me reel up street! No, Mr. and Mrs. Adaiu were not more beautiful in their

nuptial bower tlraol ahallbe with the widow f

Pardignle. . O

Refused by a widow ! Who ever heard ofauch a thing? Well, there's one comfort 3 !t°l""l.l"ll aver believe ‘it. She is not so , very pretty after

I, her eyes are so small, and her hands am rough and red-dy—not so very ready either, can- found the gipsy ! What amazing pretty shoulders she has ! well, who cares?

lfslie be not fair for me. Whirl care I how fair she be.

Ten to one she'd have set tip that wretcli ofa Pardiggle for my model. Who wants to he Par- diizgle the Second 7 I am glad she didn't have me. I mean—l'iii glad ' 'lidii'tli=ivc her!

Bio Sai.ititii;s.—W. Lyon Mackenzie, member of the Ciinntliuii l.cgislature.for the County of Huldimriiid, in presenting to the Upper Canadians reasons why tlicy should dissolve their union with those of the Lower Province, has occasion to speak oftbe large salaries paid to officials in Canada; the Governor Sir E. Head, gets $3l,000 ii year, his liotisc rent and ser- vant liire. The ten Ministers get each $36,000 a year, 3'56 day during sessions of Parliament, mileage and “ ptttroiiage.” The engineer of the Grand Trunk Rail- way has it salary of $13,000 it year. Sir Cusac Rouey, “ agent for that work gets the same. Chief Justice Robinson has $‘ expenses, and a pension of $54,444 when he shall see fit to resign. The Register of Hamilton, Dundas and \VcntwortliT(lic is a Minister also) gets $6,500 a year. The llcgister ofToroiito itlltl York gets 3}; |‘2,000 ti year. 'l‘lic Governor has a Secretary, to whom the Canadians pay $33,000 orintially, for the pretence of quill driving.

Good men are the stars and planets of the a-_.:,e wherein they live, and illustrate the times. God did never let them be wanting as witnesses to the world. —Jo|inson.

The city of Cairo, the capital of Egypt, and one of the richest cities of the East, contains 400 mosques, I40 schools, 11 lezarcttos, 300 public cisterns, 46 squares, ‘240 streets, from 500 to 600 alleys, as many passages, 1295 houses of refresh- ment, l hospital, 65 baths, and from 25’ 000 to 30,000 donkeys which are let out for liire.—-These animals are the only means of conveyance, which it iatpbssiblc to make use of, in going from one part of the city to another or in paying visits.

Tris speculator who took the twist out f-the Maelstrom, has gone to America He

0 to whitewash the Rocky Mountains. goes in forlargc jobs.

Wits» Julia Long stood tip at the|altnr, the minister remarked,“ Is your name Julia Long ’!" Thcinnoceiit girl replied, “It a’nt nothing sIzorler.l” I

In England,durhi the year tl865,there were sent by mail t is almost incredible number of 460,000,000 !, letters; about

,000,000 book packages, 71,000,000: newspapers, and 800,000 valentines. ‘

Oregon is ialri-nlg measures to be itdrnitted into, the Union. . It is at ted, that the population now amounts to y . "With tutors wealth than any other community of fifty thousand people on the globe. . ‘

Daniels famous line, “All hope abandon. ye who enter here,”-haetbeel recommended as a

6,666 per tiiiiiuin, $500 for travelling 1

in ‘in, JUNE 7. Tu: Fiiuseui. Reronis Associa- TION AND nil: Ext-Buses or wire Roirai. FAll|.Y.—-TIIOIO exists in Liverpool, En- gland, a Society of merchants called the Financial Reform Association, who make it their business to watch the expenditures for the realm of Great Britain and to note and expose extravagance or corruption in the use of the public revenues. 'l‘lic Association line from time to time publish- ed tracts, in which the lavish waste of money by government lins been shown up, and retrenchment and reform loudly called or. The society has recently issued a pamphlet with the ironicrtl title of “ The Royal Household, ii. Model to Par- liament and the Nation,” in which the expences of the royal fninily of England are set down.

From this tructit appears, that upon her accession to the throne, the Queen gave her ‘ollicial sanction to an act of Parliament settling £385,000 it your upon licrsclffor life. This was l0,000 inorc tlitiu wits allowed her pretluccssor William IV. At the same time the allow. niicc oftlie Quccn‘:-i iitotlit-r wuslincrcnscd from £‘22,000 to £30,000 it your. Al- though the people grumbled ut this, few members of Prirliniiiciit dnrcd lift their voices against it. In the House of Lords, Lord Brougham boldly opposed the grant as excessive. All who spoke against the measure were roundly abused.

The statute which granted ..L’38.’3,000 to the QLIceii,witli .£’l0,000 per unituin l|t’ItIlllt)llIll for “ home secret service, ” provided for the particular application of the money as follows: I. For II('l’ Maj;-sly’s privy purse, £60,000, #3, For salaries for her liousclioltl, .8 I3l.'.’(i0. 3. Expciiscs of the liouscliolrl, £l7.-.5005. lloyal bounty, aims and special scr- viccs, .L’l3,f2U0. 5. l’cn-.-‘ions to tho ex- of .‘.' I200. 6. Unapproprintcd moneys, :l.'.8040. Altltotigli it was stipu- lated in the act that the Queen should surrcndcr, for llt‘.l' life time, the licrcrlitriry revenues which her iiniiicdiritc. prede- cessors had been possessed of, yet except the duties on beer, ale and cidcr, there was no rclinquisliment of any of these hereditary revenues, and she now draws from the civil list of Ireland and Scotland, the Duchy of Lancaster, &-c., the sum of £283,000 in addition to the sum of £385, 000 voted her by Parliament, making an nnnunliticome of £668,000. Besides this, the Queen is heir to all persons without legal heirs, who die intestate in any part of her empire.

The income bestowed upon Prince Albert, tlic Quecn’s husband, was fixed by Parliament at £30,000 yearly, and Her Majesty has heaped lucrative appoint- ments upon him, which nearly double the amount. There is it further sum of£1l0 000 for other members of the Royal family. »

The Queen also has the free use of var- ious palaces, which are kept in repair at the public expense. The cost is by no means small, the appropriations for 1856, for palaces, parks, gardens, &c., being £249,693. Add this to the actual income of the Queen and Prince Albert, and they will he found to receive as much as £997,693 cvcry ycnr, simply for per- aonal:.‘..‘. ‘ r "‘ ' eard- ings. Whenever the Queen travels b land the toll sat the turnpikes a_r remitted, and the Admiralty lfee ‘it’ s sin yacht h'n‘d provide her table, w too she takes up excursion upon the water. i

, In I842, Sir Robert Peel announced that Her Majesty had determined to sub- mit her income to the “incense tax,” but there is norecord of her ever having done’ so :0 and vilieh the Secretary of the Liver- pool Association wrote to the Treasury Department: maki nquires upon the

.. O 3 ..

motto for railroad cars.

. e subject, the reply‘ 3.‘ short and ‘-slurp"-t—~

that they did not answer such questions, and that such information was to be ob. tnincd only through Parliament. The sum which the Queen would have had to pay during the recent war would have been l40,000.

We gather from vairous sources that Ship-building in New York and other Northern and Eastern ports of the Uni- ted States is exceediugly dull. The termi- nation of the Eastern War has thrown upon the market ti great number of Ships that were employed by the Allied Govern- ments in transporting troops and muni- tions of war to the scene of conflict. Sliip-timber has fallen to it comparatively low ﬁgure, notwithstanding that the U.S. Government is purchasing and storing quarilities of Sliip-timber and Sltip-knees. A correspondent at Newburyport writes to the Boston Journal, that extensive ship- buildera til the former place have failed. Their liabilities are set down at $3200, 000 and their nsscts at $75,000. It is said, their failure falls heavily upon their workmen, some three hundred in number.

In it recent issue we (.\lontrcal Pilot) glanced ut the systeiiiatic opposition to all the iiicasurcs of the Ministry, whether good or bad. It was enough to damn the most laudable measures, if they bore the Ministerial impress. This most unconsti- tutional and vicious attitude of those, who are opposed to the Adiniiiistrution, will produce the most doplornblc results in legislation : it will deinoralizc the House of Assembly by inducing retaliation ; the rcvciigc that is sweet to an ousted Minis- try will he paid back with it ltcarty interest when out of power ; and the final effect will he at iiici'_'_-trig of all legislation into more personal coiillict. A certain Frcncli liiiiguskcd his iniiiistcr, what was the tlilfcrciicc between Whig and Tory iii Etiglniitl? The man of otlicc replied, The Tory is :1 Wliig._; out of office, and the Whig is it Tory in office,” So with our oppositionists; oiitof oflicc they are the most virtuous of refortncrs ; if in oﬂicc, they would be the most grinding of despots.

TROOPS FROM THE Cniusa r-‘on Innis.- Tlie following regiments from the Crimea will proceed by the Overland route from Alexandria to Suez, permission having been granted by the Pusha for their transit across the Desert, viz :—f23rd Royal Welsh Fusiliers, 82nd Foot, 90th Perth- sliire Light Infantry and 93rd High- landers. The regiments will fill up the ' vacancies occasionctl by the withdrnwel ofiwo regiments, and will relieve the 43rd Moninoutlt Light infantry, Madras Presidency, and the 86th Royal County ‘ Down, Bombay Presidency, under orders for England. The 6th Carbincera, und 8th and Iltli Hussars will bodie- mounted at Scutnri. and will also proceed , by the overland rout. The two first- namcd regiments to ﬁll up the vacancies created by the withdrawal of the lath Hussurs, and 12th Lancers :'nnd*the llth Ilussars to relieve the 9th Lancers, under order for embalration for England.

A RUIIIAI Atiiinicait ‘ Lint.-Jﬂie widow of Bootsco, the late _ B.tts'aia_n minister at Washington, whats a native of the district o,f,Co'luntbia the daughter ofa hotel-keeper'.,bas adver ‘sad 'liér'furni- turn to be sold at auction, and intends, iétliing for Europe. Her two eldest s'op‘e.-

re. serving the Emperor of Russia,"a's' Pages of the Household. ' = -

The cost of’llvi_ng'ln Californiifhaa be-

come quite resiiittable, and prices lia'v. come down on many articles to pretty.

much the same rstes, as in‘ the Atlantic: Stall“. . I I A I my I

' l 'I'll"il‘