CONTENTS

3 MACLEAN’S RANKINGS

4 PILOT PROJECT

5 POLITICS

6 SEAT SALE

7 THE RUDE MECHANICALS

8 THE EVENT TENT

9 CHOICE CUTS

10 Discs OF FuRY

11 MARIO LEMIEUX

Editorial 18: We Know It Is Bad: We Are Going To Try And Make It Better The ashtray beside me; over- loaded and stained like some cheap Elf on Boxing Day. The computer I am fighting; twitching and jerking like an epileptic flasher. The hat I am wear- ing; all blue and white and Fluent on top. All these things remind me of you. “You?’—you are saying. Yes—you. First off, this ain’t going to any of that David Copperfield crap you have become used to in this space. No I will leave that to the cheap pimps who follow in these pages. (1) Instead I will endeavor to answer some ques- tions. Provide some clarity. “Bowdlerizer?” (2) Yes. : “Could you advise us of the kinds of titles you rejected before set- tling on the aforementioned title, ‘We Know It Is Bad. We Are Going To Try To Make It Better.”

1. The Aesthetics of Ascetics 2. The Wonder, The Curse, and the Loud Black Noise 3. How Many People It Actually Takes To Run A Student Union 4. The Liver In My Pie (3) 5. Death By Handshake 6. A Small Towel of Equivocation 7. Mickey Acorn’s Five Tips to Fire Safety 8. The 20 Foot Man Is Probably Just Three Men Standing On Each Other’s Shoulders 9. Music 4 Airports 10. Apologia (4)

The Cadre

While I am sure you are dis- appointed that this issue was so small, I can explain. See we had enough con- tent for about 17.5 pages. However the printing process works in fours (16, 20, 24, 28, 32, 36 you get it) so we have chopped like an Iron Chef on thy- roxine, and present you with these tight, and smart 16 pages.

Now for the future.

‘The future?’—you are say- ing.

Yes—the future.

In these pages you can look

forward to our long promised poetry spectacular, with accompanying live reading, and, to continue my tradition of promising articles by people who have not yet committed to write them, you can also look forward to an origi- nal story by UPEI professor, and The Bubble Star author Lesley-Anne Bourne. :

That is a lot to look forward to, I know. But there is more.

“More?’—you say.

Yes—more.

You can also look forward to the ECMA Alter-Case show we are putting on this February, which will contain 72 bands each playing for ten minutes (maybe less) and a three-hour finale from Windom Earle—“Charlottetown’s finest elec- tronica outfit.” Also our new travel writer will be venturing to Antigua to cover the women’s lightweight full- contact kickboxing championship.

Also Jeff Coll, over the holi- day break made the basketball team, the hockey team, the women’s volley- ball team, the East Oakland Roller Derby Team, (5) and got seriously into weight lifting. Watch for details.

“Expurgator?” (6)

Nes:

“Do you have any cryptic aphorism type sayings that would be nice to close this disjointed rambling with?”

Why yes.

You can’t force a yawn like you can a smile. (7)

“Wait wasn’t that the title of an Editorial last year. Have things got- ten so bad that you are now stealing from yourself Ol’ Sport ?” (8)

So it goes. (9)

Kent J. Bruyneel Editor-In-Chief

(1)Usurped from J.D. Salinger

(2) Nicked from the Oxford Minireference Thesaurus.

(3) Boosted from Jeff Coll.

(4) Appropriated from monstro.com.

(5) Raped from Hunter S. Thompson.

(6) Plundered from the Oxford Minireference Thesaurus.

(7) Burgled from me.

(8) Confiscated from F. Scott Fitzgerald. (9) Annexed from Kurt Vonnegut.

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