PANTHER POST
September 21,2009 19
Letters To Dr. Dre
No one has forgotten about Dre, least among us, the staff here at the Panther Post. When one of us made the brilliant connection that ‘Dr. Dre’ sounds a lot like ‘Cadre’, Dre was cemented as our favourite musician/producer/entrepreneur of all time. Since he’s lended his face to other things, we thought he might want to be the image of the UPEI paper. Connor Simpson writes the good doc.
To: DrDre@aftermath.com
From: editor@pantherpost.ca
Subject: Request for endorsement
Date: Aug 03, 2009 3:15:37 PM ~
Dear Dr. Dre,
My name is Connor Simpson, and I am an editor at the University of Prince Edward Island student newspaper, The Panther Post. We here at the paper are huge fans of your entire catalogue of music, especially “Nuthin’ But A “G’ Thang”. That song owns. It is constantly playing in our offices, and NWA is a favorite whenever we’re up at 2 AM editing a paper for the next day.
We were wondering if you could maybe forward an endorsement of our paper that we could print in the first issue. Nothing long, just some- thing like, “Man, this paper is sick. It carries the heart of the streets. Comp- ton for life, Aftermath represent! Holla back, bitches. Drink Dr. Pepper and look for Detox to hit record stores in early 2017!!”
We both win this way. You get to advertise your new album, get a sponsorship cheque from Dr. Pepper, and we get an endorsement from one of the best music producers to ever do it. Thanks in advance!
Connor Simpson, Interim Managing Editor, Panther Post
To: DrDre@aftermath.com
From: editor@pantherpost.ca
Subject: Still looking for your endorsement Date: Aug 15, 2009 10:55:17 PM
Dear Dr. Dre, ~
Its me again, Connor, from the Panther Post. Our deadline is fast approaching and we’re really counting on you to come through here. We realize that you haven’t even gotten an assistant to respond to us yet, but we’re really counting on you to come through here. We’re really starting to sweat. We were counting on your kindness and generosity, neither of which have come through yet. Could you get back to us by the fifth? Thanks.
Connor Simpson, Interim Managing Editor. Panther Post
To: DrDre@aftermath.com
From: editor@pantherpost.ca
Subject: DEADLINE APPROACHING, PLEASE HELP!!! Date: Sept 02, 2009 12:02:52 PM
Dear Dr. Dre,
Hey there, its Connor Simpson again. Just checking in with a fol- low up email. It has been a few weeks, and school is starting soon. We were really hoping that you could to this for us.
You don’t have to write anything, you could just snap a picture with, I don’t know, maybe a panther toy that your kid might have? How about a slip of paper that just says “Panther Post’’?? These are probably easier for you, I understand you’re a busy man. Just throwing the ideas out there.
Again, any help is greatly appreciated. We just want to start the year of with a bang.
Connor Simpson, Interim Managing Editor, Panther Post
Ballin’
To: DrDre@aftermath.com From: editor@pantherpost.ca Subject: dickface
Date: Sept 07, 2009 2:27:02 AM
Dear D.r Dre,
Man, fuvck you. You didn’t even respond ,you asshole motherfuckert. You’r ean awful MC an a shitty producer. Can’t spare a half a fucking second to help us out. Dick. Eat a dick.
Fuck you, Your a cunt, I lied we don’t listen to your music, it sucks