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HORNYS HEROS

As most followers will already know, HORNY’S HOCKEY HERO’S, continue to display a fine example of sports- . manship and a desire to crush their opponents by exponential scoring margins. The same will hold true for this year!

HORNY’S HOKEY HERO’S will try and regain the campus cup, although last year we failed to provide a campus cup ring for our last remaining toe.

The management has made a few major adjustments with the line-up this year. It has been rumored that a 12 million dollar trade was made with the Edmon- ton Oilers in exchange for three fist round daft choices. Although this is a significant cost for a player, HORNY believes that in- creased revenus from the Sale of tickets will result.

Another change rumored in the halls of Duffy has informed us that the team has researched

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a new jersey. Instead of the old purple and yellow, with that an- cient crown on the front, manage- ment has clearly stated the new attitude will be either black or white.

A second addition to our fine line-up will be the honorable coach “STEVE CHERRY”. With his ruff and tumble fighting style, he will surely make on impact an some of the players boxing fees. Apparently, say some sources, Steve hasn’t been the same since he was involved in a legal bat- tle with BLUE. Some sources revealed that STEVE: shouted, “GOD, YOU’RE A DOG GONE ASSHOLE!” and BLUE took of- fence. Resulting in BLUE chang- ing his name to SUDS MACKEN- ZIE and doing BEER commer- cials with luscious babes. He will be remembered for his on the bench, “PISSING ON PEOPLE” attitude.

Also in regard to the. accu-

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34 FE

sations of HORNY’S HOCKEY HERO’S on ROIDS, we have profitably sold the rights to the highly acclaimed Gem. (to be seen later) it was speculated that the Gem bought the story in re- turn for suppling the engineers with free beer till the year 2001.

In review, it should be a very good hockey season, and HORNY would like to wish everybody the best of *uck! if it sounds like were being cauky, then you’re not as stupid as we thought.

P.S. It’s rumored that a press

_ conference will be held to reveal

the mystery player from Edmon- ton who cries.

HINT: It’s believed that he knocked up some island girl and is coming back to live with the mother-in-law.

i PSS 4S% of THE TIME THESE ResversS ARE incceescr 5% oF

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> Page 10

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THE OMe,

of The Gem or the Engineering Society and may not of humour.

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WE BUILT OUR HALP, WHERE THE is ARE THOSE ERIS

Island Breweries Amends Dispute

In a previous issue of the Gem, (Volume 6, Number 6) the Engineering Society published an editorial that spoke of an inci- dent involving Island Breweries. As a result of that article, Jamie Rix, Promotional Manager of Is- land Breweries, set up a meeting with several members of the so- ciety. At the outset of the meet- ing, Mr. Rix agreed that he had erred in his handling of the situa- tion and apologized for any incon- venience to us. We accepted his apology and in addition, arrange-

Ten Things

ments were made to produce a policy regarding any future spon- sorship by this company towards any UPEI society.

We look forward to reaffirm- ing our old ties with this com- pany, so that we may do business with them in the future as we had

-in the past. Now that the previ-

ously mentioned policy will soon be implemented, we encourage all societies to support this local Is- land company, as we will in up- coming festive season.

U.P.E.I Engineering Society =

Faster ‘Than

Carl Lewis

1) Ben Johnson with a tail wind.

wind.

3) Ben Johnson with crazy glue on his shoes.

4) Ben Johnson on his knees.

5) Ben Johnson running back- wards.

6) Ben Johnson’s mother.

7) Ben Johnson’s mother car- rying Ben.

8) Kelly VanBuskin with his cast on.

9) Getting a yearbook from UPEI.

10) UPEI security. 11) Winter. 12) Molasses in January.

13) Getting a test from Bow- ness.

14) Waiting for a iclechone call in Sheldon’s office.

15) Getting student loans.

etc enema ne

ee Thursday, October 27, D8 ===

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