ULETH

TOP

THE.

ENGINEER'S

BI-WEEKLY

This page is husouc for the sake of humour.

neccessacily de opinicns at aii.

Any fools who take this page seriously

The opinions expressed here ace not neccessacily the opinions

and offend themselves should start trying to develop

of The Gem or the Engineering Society and may not a sens@® of humour.

Horny The Engineer Says...

The Elite Terror Troops. P over themselves were

Where do they come from? lawyers

and

We all remember Our teachers in school. They were either sickeningly “hip” or they were members of the Elite Terror Corps.

slimy old

They come That’s right,

EDUCAT!

AFTER THE “SPECIAL” PROGRAM.

The teachers falling ali to be failed writers, usually failures in general but where do crabs of the Elite Terror Corps come from?

from here!

@n®@ auditions

THE NATIONAL THEATRE SCHOOL OF CANADA

Design Production Playwriting Directing

1987-88: School Year

DEADLINE FOR APPLICATION

FEBRUARY Ist, 1987

If you are interested in finding out more about the School, please write or telephone:

The National Theatre School of Canada 5030 St. Denis Street

Montreal, Quebec

H2J 2L8

Tel.: (514) 842-7954

2 : Upon entering Education

year at UPEI, students opt for the regular program or the "special" program. Those choosing the “special” program are whisked away (leaving no stains) to Camp X, where they are trained to be the worst they can be.

"in" failed

those

here.

Special Program students are trained to speak in annoying squeaky voices, to rake chalk across a chalkboard just right so as to produce deafening squeel of tortured calcium, and to cover tests with illegible red scrawls to torture vulnerable students.

Then they are subjected to electroshock, mental conditioning, plastic surgery, and have gravel implanted in their brains. Next, they are indoctrinated into the Terror Troops, and each is assigned to a cifferent . regiment. Regiments include the Old Bat Squadron, the Battleaxe Armoured Group, the Bitches of Death, and the elite Red Ink

Brigade.

Remember that perverted old man who made all the girls sit by the open windows in Winter? The wrinkled old bag with the wig who made you colour in all your. science lab-book diagrams? The goofy old duffer' who detonated that lab experiment in your face and ruined your new white sweatshirt? The ancient crone who wore three pounds. of makeup and bestowed upon you an endless hatred of Ecology?

Well, from here.

they came

God help us ain.

pet Orrpe!

lw Thar, prt *

HORNYS PREDITIONS FOR

FUTURE 1936

President Elliot will he non;rsmoking area and will be overzealous CP's.

caught smoking in a summarily executed by

Maintainance will clear the ice from the sidewalis by June.

The Cows will go on strike at demanding more intelligent students.

the . Vet College

Ralph and Kelly will break up.

Island Government will pass all clubs except the S.U.

The Prince Edward legislation closing down Barn on Thursday.

Peter Pope will be beaten by his wife.

Swedish scientists will declare SAGA food to be a new form of life.

Booby the Bio will get a date.

The United States will unilaterally disarm by

. Sending all its bombs to Russia by air mail.

Horny the Engineer will say something civil.

In a bid for population control, the Chinese will

invoke the death penalty for parking violations.

The Feministas will join forces with the

CONTRAceptives to stamp out male babies. An actual use will be found for an Arts degree. Trent will finally get some ice time. Yeah!

The Feminis«s w21ll develop a sense of humour.

Page 10

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