OcToBER 25, 2005

Everyone Loves A Good Suspension

Liam McKenna Sports Editor

In the past week or so of hockey, we have seen two Atlanta Thrasher players suspended for dirty hits against teams they were losing to. The first hit was by Eric Boulton on an unsuspecting rookie for the Tampa Bay Lightning, Paul Ranger. Playing with the defending Stanley Cup champs, Ranger seemed to be enjoying himself in the NHL; perhaps he was reflecting on his good fortune when he was unceremoniously elbowed in the cranium by Boulton. The second hit was by Andy Sutton on Darcy Tucker; I think we can all agree that this action, although illegal, was well deserved. In addition, Martin Havlat also received a five game suspension for having kicked — yes, you read that correctly, kicked — Hal Gill in the crotch with his skate on.

It seems this recent rash of suspensions has awoken all of our fears about what is still wrong with the game of hockey. However, hockey isn’t the only sport in which there have been prominent suspensions; it seems that it is only the sport in which the suspensions have been as a repercussion of acts so violent that they had to be tried in a court of law. Here are some notable punishments from the sporting world that you might have forgotten about:

Pedro Martinez: Remember this? In 2003, one of the funniest things ever to happen in my short life occurred: All-Star pitcher Pedro Martinez, with the Red Sox, sent a balding geriatric named Don Zimmer sprawling when he gripped him by the skull and dodged his charge during a bench-clearing against the Yankees.

Delightful! While he wasn’t suspended, Martinez was assessed a fine, much to the dismay of elderly-abuse supporters everywhere.

Maurice Richard: On March 16", 1955, Maurice Richard’s actions were so out of line that the league suspended him for the remaining eight games of the season and the entire playoffs. For the record, this was less than what Todd Bertuzzi received. What did Richard do? Nothing major — he simply beat Boston Bruin Hal Laycoe so badly with his stick that it broke, forcing Richard to find another to continue his beating. When that one broke, Laycoe and Richard began to fight — when an official grabbed him, Richard punched him between the eyes. To his credit, Richard claims to have given the official “two warnings.”

Francisco Gallardo: A soccer player for Seville, Gallardo celebrated a goal with a teammate by “biting him on the penis.” Wow.

While I was unable to finda reliable record of a punishment, I hope it was swift and severe.

Kermit Washington: Washington, obviously upset that he was named after a popular children’s amphibian, eventually let his rage get the better of him while playing for the LA Lakers in 1977. Washington punched the Houston Rocket’s Rudy Tomjanovich in the face, fracturing his face and skull and hospitalizing him for more than a month. Washington was suspended for 26 games, but would later befriend Tomjanovich and give seminars on controlling anger in sport —no joke.

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THE CADRE © 12

Astros, White Sox battle For World Series

Josh Lewis Reporter

I would like to take this opportunity to laugh at the filthy-rich chokers known as the New York Yankees. Despite having a payroll of over $200 million, and players such as A-Rod and Derek Jeter known for saving lives at crosswalks and large bodies of water, the Yankees amazingly have screwed up again. For the (gasp!) fifth year in a row, they find themselves out of the World Series. The Boss won’t be happy.

Enjoying the Fall Classic instead of the damn Yanks are the Chicago White Sox and Houston Astros. Who would have thought the Sox would beat the Cubs to the World Series? This can only renew hatred for Steve Bartman, and what a bum rap that guy’s had. After sweeping the defending champion Boston Red Sox in the first round, Chicago used a few controversial calls in the American League Championship Series to defeat the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Whose Name Is Ludicrously Long and Stupid. Seriously, who comes up with this stuff? The team plays in Anaheim. Why the hell would you give L.A. any credit? The city can’t even host an NFL team, yet they were given two, and screwed up both. Another great call by Bud Selig.

The Astros, meanwhile, play in their first World Series after dispatching the St. Louis Cardinals in a rematch of last year’s National League Championship Series. Houston was written off by some after losing top notch centre fielder Carlos Beltran in the off-season, but the club bounced back to win the NL wildcard before knocking off NL East champs Atlanta

in the first round. Of course, their success the past two years has nothing to do with buying Roger Clemens out of his so-called “retirement” by giving him everything but a master key to the local nursing home. Nah, that can’t be

right.

Pitching is a key strength for both the Astros and Chisox. Expect to see several low-scoring pitchers’ duels in this series. Chicago has Mark Buehrle, this year’s starter in the All-Star Game, ex- Yankee Jose Contreras and former Mariner Freddy Garcia, in addition to the surprising Jon Garland. This group finished off the Angels by producing an astounding four consecutive complete games. Meanwhile, Houston has arguably the best rotation in baseball, with Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Roy Oswalt and Brandon Backe. Clemens and Pettitte may be approaching senior citizen status, but they can still be effective when they put their minds to it. Oswalt, a two-time 20-game winner, is one of the game’s best pitchers in the clutch and once healed scar tissue in his arm by electrocuting himself: Backe made a name for himself in last year’s playoffs and is one of the game’s brightest young hurlers. This series will definitely be decided on the mound. .

One other thing the White Sox have going for them is manager Ozzie Guillen. The guy is crazy, but he gets the job done. Guillen, a former player and the South Side’s most marketable figure, is passionate about his city and his team, and prides himself on hating the North Side and the evil Cubs. Ozzie

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