MAN CONQUERS GRAVITY |

by Kent Nelson

Young Terry Sloan was playing in down- town Charlottetown when he suddenly dis- covered he could fly. ;

‘*It was so cool,’’ Sloan later commented. ‘‘I just started flapping my arms and took off. Totally awe- some. Like, I coulda leapt the C.P. Hotel in a single bound.”’

Sloan’s discovery of his apparently mutant ability drew a crowd of onlookers who began to appear agi- tated by Sloan’s strange powers. One onlooker shouted that it was an alien invasion and before long

Sloan was being followed by an angry mob where Sloan was brought down after rico- shouting ‘‘Get him! He’s from away!”’ The chase went up University Avenue,

cheting off one of the many fast food signs on the strip (‘Mom always said that stuff

was bad for me,’’ Sloan said to the paramedics who rescued him). Before the ambulance took him away the mob beat him savagely and stole his lunch money. Mayor Tex MacDonald vowed he would dedicate the city’s resources to track- ing down the lunch money or buy Sloan lunch, which- ever comes easier. Sloan is in stable condition and is slated to appear onthe Ralph Benmergeui show after his injuries finally heal.

KINDRED SPIRIT

Lucy Maud Spotted in Robertson Library

by Alan Scott

Lucy Maud Montgomery has returned ... and the U.P.E.I. library’s got her. There are now confirmed sightings of the beloved Anne of Green Gables author within the Robertson Library.

If it is indeed the much-loved Montgomery, she appears to be relatively tranquil and inactive at present, resting in stony silence. Some theorize that she has been hiding in an obscure tropical locale as her rather bronzed complexion would hint, but her precise whereabouts over the past decade are as yet unknown, as are the reasons for her apparent return.

‘*She just sits there’, said one librarian in amixture ofawe and fear, ‘“‘and she looks so ... so wise!’’ Already devoted Islanders have made pilgrimages to see the newly returned Lucy Maud in her glory, pausing long enough to pray or simply to touch her and bounding away saying that they have been healed or rejuvenated, filled with new life and purpose. As one of the faithful said:

| Montgomery’s work is ‘‘strengthening - Lucy’s already steely grip on this plane of

‘*Since Lucy Maud showed me the way I’ve been off U.I. and high on life.”’ Bess Epperson, chairperson of the devo-

= tional club ‘‘Maud About You,”’ believes —

that the conversion of new believers in —

existence. The Japanese alone swell the ranks of the faithful every day, and her idols can be seen on the backs of many of your new-fangled automobiles, spreading het divine influence throughout the province’.

Epperson also maintains that if you play the Anne of Green Gables musical back- wards you can hear a sacred chant which foretells Lucy Maud’s eventual return [0 Earth and the remarking of the Island in het image. All those interested in learning more about Lucy Maud or the ‘Maud About You’’ devotional group are urged '0 | attend an ice cream social and seance bein’ held at Green Gables this Thursday.