Fact & Opinion

FACT: Maine is the toothpick capital of the world.

OPINION: Maine is also the toothless capital of the world. If you want to compliment a girl from Maine, say, “Hey, nice tooth.”

FACT: New Jersey has a spoon museum with over 5,400 spoons from almost all the states. OPINION: Man, if I could only get into that spoon museum, I'd have enough spoons to start the coolest band.

FACT: There was once a town in West Virginia called “6”. OPINION: There was once a town in West Virginia called “9” but seven eight nine.

FACT: Singapore only has one train station.

OPINION: And they’Il cane the shit out of you if you diss it.

FACT: The parking meter was invented in North Dakota. OPINION: It is also where the pay toilet was invented. You can’t park your car or use the washroom without a roll of — quarters in North Dakota.

FACT: Roman Emperor Caligula

made his horse a senator.

OPINION: That was all right, but he looked silly riding to work everyday on the back of an old man.

FACT: The green stuff on the occasional freak potato chip is chlorophyll. OPINION: The red stuff is blood.

FACT: If you ate too many carrots you would turn orange. OPINION: Take my advice, do not eat anything grown on PEI. Any province that allows Anthrax to be used as a pesticide is bound to have orange Vegans.

FACT: Pluto’s orbit crosses Neptune’s making Pluto the eighth planet from the sun. It has been that way since 1979 and will remain that way until 1999. OPINION: In the year 2000 Uranus is going to be in orbit, because I’m going give it a well deserved kickin’.

FACT: The earth is approx. 6,588,000,000,000,000,000 tons.

OPINION: Wow, the earth weighs a ton!

FACT: The force of 1 billion people jumping at the same time is equal to 500 tons of

by stephan macleod

INT. OPINION: Please, people, ignore House

of Pain’s commands to

“Get out your seat and jump around”. They are members of the IRA and are trying to cause trouble.

“FACT: Popeye was

56; OPINION: He was also a member of the ©

will both be President.

FACT: The percent of

women who wash their hands after leaving a restroom is 80%.

OPINION: Godliness

is next to cleanliness, but God’s a man so it doesn’t matter how often women wash their hands.

Village People. FACT: The percent of men who wash their

FACT: Howdy Doody _ hands after using a

had 48 freckles. restroom is 55%,

OPINION: He

didn’t call them

freckles, he

thought he He step ped

caught VD from with his right

having a hand stuck up his ass.

FACT: Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon with his

foot next, did the hokey pokey and he turned himself about.

left foot first. OPINION: He stepped with his right foot next, did the hokey pokey and he turned himself about.

FACT: The average speed of Heinz ketchup leaving the bottle is 25 miles per

year.

OPINION: That’s almost faster than Terry Fox.

FACT: Hilary Clinton once said, “We are the President.” OPINION: Bill Clinton tells any woman he wants to sleep with that they

OPINION: Most men

refuse to wash their hands because they

mistake urinal cakes for bars of soap, and

there’s no way they’re © touching one of those.

FACT: There are 333

toilet paper squares on

a toilet paper roll. OPINION: There are

nine squares on the hit

game show, Hollywood Squares,

and Whoopi Goldberg

is in the center.

FACT: The Eifel Tower has 2 500 000 rivets in it.

OPINION: Rivets? I thought French people were called Frogs.

FACT: “Jaws” is the most common name for a goldfish. OPINION: Jaws IV is the most common name for a shitty movie starring Michael Cain.

FACT: On an average workday, a typist’s fingers travel 12.6 miles.

OPINION: If typists didn’t travel 12.6 miles to escape the unwanted touching by their bosses and stayed in front of their typewriter, they would probably get more work done.

FACT: The average - American eats 2 donuts a day. OPINION: Fritters are another story.

FACT: The longest word in the Old Testament is Malhershalahashbaz. OPINION: It means “God was just joking about that whole ‘thou shall not murder’ thing.”

FACT: The longest time a person has been in a coma is 37 years. OPINION: I once thought I was in a coma for 12 years, but it turns out I was just really bored.

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FACT: Every minute in the U.S 6 people turn 17.

OPINION: A 17 year old may be old enough to drive a car, but will have to wait another 10 years before he can even think about playing a character on Dawson’s Creek.

FACT: A baby is bo every 7 seconds. OPINION: I say to hell with babies, they’re not as cute as dogs.

FACT: 97.10 tons of space-dust fall on the Earth everyday. OPINION: They materialize in the form of Star Wars: The. Phantom Menace merchandise.

FACT: On average, 4 4 year old child asks 437 questions a day. OPINION: They can’t be asking the right questions because the information Barney spews at them is pretty simple.

FACT: It takes the Where’s Waldo artist one month to complet a drawing.

- OPINION: It took m

a couple of years to even find Waldo, but I’ve since given up. | find pornography to a lot sexier than children’s books. END