.. AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT: The Rants of a University Student:

You may find it hard to believe, but something pissed me off this week. Subway has gone over to the dark side, switching from Pepsi to Coke. I am not an emo- tional person per se, but that one near put me over the edge. I don’t ask for much in life, and call me a corpo- rate whore if you will, but honestly, is a glass of Pepsi with my sub too much to ask? Sigh. I think mid-term stress may be getting to me.

Prince Edward Island has once again proven itself to be the seat of intelligent thought. As reported in The Guardian last week, two businessmen were forced to duck for cover when pellets from a hunter’s gun in an adjoining field began hitting the side of their place of business. City councilor Bruce Garrity said that this was “pretty serious.” No way Bruce, really? Do you really think that the fact that people firing off shotguns in pop- ulated areas and having fragments flying across the Sherwood Road and hitting business complexes is real- ly a problem? Noooo. The worst part is, city police Const. Gary Clow stated that the hunter was hunting LEGALLY. Yes, in the city of Charlottetown it is appar- ently entirely legal for a hunter to fire weapons that could consequently impede and seriously deter the driv- ing ability of passing cars. Does this not seem a bit weird? That because someone wants to shoot at ducks, you could be driving along and shotgun fire could hit your car and that is a-ok with the Charlottetown Police? This isn’t Baghdad you know. This story was almost as bad as the one in The Guardian last week about the guy who won’t get his picture taken for his license because he believes that digital photo databases are the work of Satan.

God bless those BoSox. Now if we can forget the goats and Bill Buckner and keep that damn Steve Bartmann out of Fenway Park, they should be alright. The idiots of the week? A-Rod for whacking a baseball out of Bronson Arroyo’s glove and Houston GM Phil Garner for benching Roger Clemens in Game 6 of the NLCS.

So finally, after the deaths of over 15,000 Iraqis and the tearing apart of their country by the American-led “coalition” in search of non-existent weapons of mass~- destruction, Saddam Hussein is finally set to stand trial. I don’t understand this. It doesn’t make sense that civil- ian homes continue to be indiscriminately bombed, killing thousands of people just going about their daily business and then Saddam gets a fair trial. It has always been my policy that if you’re gonna drag your country into a foreign war killing thousands of civilians and los- ing eleven hundred of your own troops in the process, when you finally do find the dictator that you tore apart the country trying to get to, that you may as well pick up whatever Styrofoam brick he may be hiding under,

drop a grenade in, and badda boom badda bing, game over. But of course, don’t blame any of this on old Dubya. This week he was quoted as saying in a meeting before the war began “Oh, no, we’re not going to have any casualties.”

In Hussein’s trial, they can’t really charge him with pos- session of WMDs, for obvious reasons, but he will be charged with the gassing of ethnic Kurds and for the invasion of Kuwait. Using illegal weapons and invad- ing countries for their oil resources? Wow. That doesn’t sound familiar at all.

Well everyone in Canada had a collective conniption fit

_last week when they found out that Don Cherry had

made it onto CBC’s final top ten list on The Greatest Canadian, to which he responded “I love it when we get those left-wingers going.” Smooth Don, smooth. In fact the entire top 100 was an odd mix. Numbers 1 through 17 were all white men and only six women made it into the top 50. The white male parade was ended at number 18, not by a Canadian woman who has made relevant difference in the world like Louise Arbour (#97) or Emily Murphy (#74), but rather, by Shania Twain. There was not even a hint of any ethnicity until Tecumseh, a native-Canadian who helped repel American attacks in 1812, weighed in at # 37. This, however, is not an example of the media blatantly ignoring ethnic groups or women; this list wasn’t even made up by the CBC. The candidates were nominated and voted on BY CANADIANS. So everyone that was freaking out were really just a bunch of hypocrites. This vote is perhaps little more than a sad narrative to our own opinions and lack of knowledge as to what a “great Canadian” is. I have no idea how Pamela Anderson trumps Glenn Gould or Roberta Bondar nor how Nellie McClung, the woman who fought for woman’s rights and the franchise to vote, was bested by Stompin’ Tom Connors. I don’t even know how Brian Mulroney, Bret Hart or William Shatner made it to the list at all. On a brighter note, Mr. Dressup did make it to the list in 36th spot, well ahead of former Prime Ministers Sir Wilfred Laurier, Jean Chrétien and John Diefenbaker.

I think residents of the new Brown’s Court apartments may wish to re-consider their habit of crossing University Avenue wherever the hell they feel like it. I mean sure, pedestrians have the right of way in most sit- uations, but when I am in a 1000 pound vehicle that’s doing about 80, the laws of physics kind of specify that the car has a fairly good advantage, especially when drivers cannot see students sprinting between vehicles. Is it really that difficult to get up 45 seconds earlier in the morning so that you have time to walk to the cross- walk at the lights? That crosswalk, by the way, was put

UPEI Cadre October 26, 2004 page 12

in place a few years back after a student was hit by a car and killed. Do we have to wait until that happens again before we stop being dumb asses? :

According to several media outlets, the days of the US Ambassador to Canada, Paul Celucci, are numbered. Celucci has become an out-spoken diplomat in Ottawa, criticizing Canada for not going to war in Iraq, com- plaining about Canada’s lack of help after September llth, disapproving Canadian review of policy on mari- juana laws and deriding indecision about the proposed missile defence program. Let me be the first to say: Get out of my face Paul. He apparently didn’t get the memo that ambassadors are supposed to be diplomats, not liaisons with political agendas; not many people really gave a damn with what he has to say about stuff that he doesn’t understand anyway. Celucci, a former governor, will likely run for the Senate after leaving the US Embassy in Ottawa. Good luck and good riddance Paul. They deserve you.

Myron’s has declared Wednesday night Holland College Night. Say what? I mean I wouldn’t be caught dead down at Moron’s on a Wednesday anyway, but why a Holland College night? So what if they don’t have their own bar? Neither do those poor students at the Academy of Learning and Compu College. Where the hell are they supposed to drink? Out on the street? Those jerks. Well they can keep their damn Discrimination Wednesdays to themselves, I’ll keep my trivia with Matt and Lenny thanks. |

Finally, our sports editor landed in some hot water and became the target of the ire of the entire UPEI Field Hockey team after writing an article that they perceived as portraying their sport in a negative light. As an employee of The Cadre, I feel it is my duty to stand up in his time of need and say: “You’re on your own man.” I have my own controversies to deal with, and pissing off a bunch of girls with big sticks is not my idea of a good time. Now I hear they want you to come out to a practice to see what you’re made of. Lucky you. Shave your legs and strap on those cleats man. You better wear a cup too.

Have a good one! ryangallant@hotmail.com