NOVEMBER 23, 2006

THE CADRE e 15

CAMPUS

Josh Lewis Sports Editor

Crash and burn for Senators?

The Ottawa Senators’ start this year has been more surprising than a Peter MacKay-Belinda Stronach reunion. The Sens lost key pieces in Martin Havlat, Zdeno Chara, Bryan Smolinski and Dominik Hasek over the summer, but most observers still saw them as an upper echelon team in the NHL..

It’s hard to find anyone who thinks that now.

Ottawa is 25" in the league with only 15 points, and three of their seven wins have come against the Toronto Maple Leafs. They sit 14" in the Eastern Conference and last in the Northeast Division. They’ve blown several multiple-goal leads, and have been generally terrible in the third period. In other words, the playoff version of the Senators has arrived early.

Martin Gerber has _ been atrocious in goal. Wade Redden has been either injured or lackluster. And

_ Daniel Alfredsson pulled off a terrific

magic act at the start of the season, but now he can’t figure out how to make himself re-appear.

Jason Spezza is still an inconsistent pretty boy, Dany Heatley hasn’t rediscovered the grit he had in Atlanta, and Chris Phillips has developed a knack for taking penalties at the worst possible time. Former GM Randy Sexton must be roaring with laughter.

Gune 1996) -

Assistant GM: Sir, I don’t believe picking Phillips first overall is a wise move. Why don’t you pick that Briere kid out of the Quebec League. Heck, even Derek Morris. Phillips is slow and takes too many penalties. Sexton: Get out, you yellow-bellied wormtongue. Players like Chris Phillips don’t come in the mail every day. You think Bobby Orr was something? Muahahaha.

..but I digress. What’s wrong with this Ottawa team? Well, for starters, throwing $3.7M at a goalie with one year of experience as a starter, who lost his job in the playoffs last year, wasn’t John Muckler’s best idea. Ray Emery is the better goalie right now and in the future and brings some fire to the team. And it’s a safe bet he gives the players more confidence than Gerber.

Gerber Baby aside, Muckler has assembled a strong team on paper. If anyone in management should be fired, it’s coach Bryan Murray. This team has enough depth to more than adequately replace Chara and Havlat, yet they’ve seen a 180 degree turnaround from last season. The players have no sense of urgency when the chips are down and they lack resiliency. Without those qualities, the Sens will never get near the Stanley Cup.

Murray has to go. That much is obvious. While Pat Quinn’s name has been bandied about as a possible suitor, a much better choice would be former Flyers boss Ken Hitchcock. With Hitch running the show, you can bet Spezza won’t be floating or he'll ride the pine. If anyone takes a night off, they'll be hearing it. And the team will be much tighter defensively, especially in the third period where it appears they need the most work.

A player shakeup is also necessary, and if Alfredsson can be shipped out for a good leader, the Sens should be fine. But getting rid of Murray would go a long way toward restoring the regular season success this group enjoyed last season.

As for the playoffs, it’s hard to imagine anything helping Ottawa there.

Macking in Library Strictly Prohibited

Andie Bulman Assignment Editor

The time honoured tradition of stressed students making out in the Robertson Library’s many nooks and crannies has led to a recent influx of complaints by other less distracted students. ;

“Tt’s so gross, those yellow rooms aren’t sound proof, it makes it hard to study for stats when someone is getting it on in the cubicle next to you.” says second year psych student Hannah Cole

Amy Mackenzie, a first year student, has been so offended by students randomly making out in the library that she no longer studies there. “Every time I took the back stairs I interrupted two people, I just felt so bad about it that I started studying in the Anthropology lounge. Nobody ver makes out up there.”

Not everyone is so offended. When questioned some people just laugh, many ate indifferent, and others

openly admit to having rented a yellow room for purposes other the studying. Recent graduate Laurie Symthe recalls her adventures fondly.

“My boyfriend and I would study for hours during exam period, then we would rent a yellow room, put a jacket over the door, and proceed to do something outrageously sexy. After we were finished we would return the keys to the front desk and go back to our work. It wasn’t gross, it was fun.”

Rene Ortiz, a library employee and second year student, is not amused by the increasing amount of library makeout sessions.

“Tt’s so cliche to mack in a library and it’s obvious when students are doing it. I mean people are trying to work, if you are that horny go

home.” Whether you find library make

“out sessions amusing or annoying,

security manager Allen Veale has a

a

Photo: UPEI Website

Robertson Library, second floor layout, and the differnt places possible for macking

warning for any and all students misbehaving in the library. “The library is full of nooks and

crannies, but library staff are very diligent and any student caught in the midst of a lewd act can be charged.”