THE BENEVBLENT

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U. P. E . I. “‘if no new: 1'} good new; , tben bq news'll d'o”

IRISH\PAPER

4/7110.)é~/75. .

VOL. 2 NO.1

ARCHNES U. P. E. i.

MARCH 17.1973

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B.I.P.staffers:Norbert Moran,Jim O'MacAdam and Bob Gray(pictured above in front of the former home of the Baffin Island Icicle Archives)described the Skyjack ordeal as the most humiliating experience of their lives.

TORTURE

BAFFIN ISLA

~Armed with altered walrus meat_carVers,two obviously drugged English fruit peddlers highjacked_ EPA flight 456 from N.Y.C. to‘Foxlevaiver.The_craft with three B.I.P. members on Board,was forced to fly to Baffin Island in what , appears to be a political move.Former Cadre editor Carol Paterson,described the.inc1dent as a daring _but necessary move;

Upon discovering that three members of a college news media were passen— gers,the fruit men held them as hostages.Bound and confined t5 a snowbank,the three were forced to res- ‘Pond to terrifying commands

‘» .A

‘hCo—Editor,Norbert Moran, was forced,against'his professional code,to draw graffitti on‘his forehead with laundry ink,while his two asSociates Bob Gray, and Jim MacAdam looked on in horror.Dastard1y deeds seemed to hold all that is

cgood in its fateful\claws.

All three were forced\to smoke menthol dope with- out a filter until their values were nil and wefe then barraged with a sho-K wer of rotten fruit hidden in the daring duo’s dirty. denims.

If the paper now has a form of incoherence and 'insanity let it not be held responsible,because

while forces of evil con- tinue to evade the good of "Captain canada ", such indidents will in— crease.

Safe at home the three reporters are rec— overing in plastic oxygen tents set up in the Dean of Fun and Women's apart- ment,first floor Marian flall,and hope to return to work some time this

week.

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The peddlers,after re-

V fusing to return to the

slave state England, are

' now selling frozen fruit

ON

D!

in exchange for iceboxes and ice cream,with the hopes of highjacking a Baffin Island freighter to Fiji.

As a note of interest, upon takeoff Flight 456 melted the Northwest Arm of the island,thus destr- oying the Baffin Island Icicle Archives;leaving the island culturally deprived.