Phetegrapher F3

Having ESCAPED THE WItOS .OF CAPE BREToN TO SEEK A BETTER LIFE IN THE STRANGE, NEW WORLD KNOWN As P.-E. I.,

AcE PHOTOJOURNALIST WENDY NICHOLSON HAS

DEVOTED HERSELF To

| UNIVERSITY, THE X-PREss, AND THE PURSUIT OF WINE.

Production Editor |°2

tS eg KNOWN As “KHENGIS WAHN®

HER MALAYSIAN WARRIOR CLAN, WAH WAS THE SCOURGE OF ASIA BUT GAVE UP HER LOOTING AND PILLAGING AFTER COMING TO NORTH AMERICA, WHERE SHE won THE CONTINENTAL LIMBO

CONTEST AND PARLAYED HER PRIZE MONEY INTO

UNIVERSITY TUITION.

Editor (No, really Dy

Secrerry A MARTIAN BoY scouT on A 4 YEA SURVIVAL OUTING, COR’ HOPES TO WIN GLORY, HONOR, AND HIS EARTH LING TOLERATION : BADGE - BY JOINING THE X~- PRESS, HE HAS WON THE BADGE AT LEAST...

01D YOU KNOW: WENDY HAS AN ADORABLE SON NAMED JUSTIN,

DID YoU KNOW: WAR Is A

TALENTED AMATEUR PAINTE

Circulation Manager Ne

Advertising Manager 5

aI

DID You BeBe

pe ee “CHARMING? A TINA.

CUP/Sports Editor |

To PARAPHRASE THE KIDS IN THE HALL, TH!S I5 THE DAVE WE KNOW? SomEHow, LIKE THE SUN RISING AND SETTING EACH DAY, OUR

PAPERS ARE coLtLEcTED AND DrsTRIBUTED EACH WEEK ,AND LEGEND HAS

IBLE FoR THIS TINY MIRACLE. KINDA TAKES youR BREATH AWAY.

IT THAT DAVE !5 RESPONS-

WE DIScoOvERED Nicore

IN A MIDWESTERN USED CAR LOT, WHERE, CLAD IN CHECKERED POLYESTER SUITS, SHE WAS SELLING TW ENTY-YEAR OLD LADAS TO GULLIBLE SENIOR CITIZENS. AFTER A LENGTHY REHABILITATION PROGRAM AT THE HERB TARLEK CLINIC ,SHE WAS RELEASED AS A MODEL CITIZEN AND HIRED As OUR AD MANAGER,

DescrBeD BY A Co-WORKE

AS “PICK-ON-ABLE” Goes QUIETLY ABOvT HIS MANY OFFICE TASKS BY DAY,

AND HAS UNUSVAL DRE

BY NIGHT : THIS IS CHRIS McCARRON . BUT ee we

REALLY KNOW HIM © DoES— ANYBoOY ? AND 'S IT AnY OF OUR BUSINESS? 7 Tits 1S AN ouTRAGE: INSULT AT THAT! LET'S LEAVE TH PooR MAN IN PEACE, O.k.4

KNOW MUCH ABOUT DAVE,

DID YOU KWOWs wE DON'T REALLY

‘DID YOU KNow:; NIcoLE EDITED HER HIGHSCHOOL YEARBooK,

'S1D You KNow: CHRIS WAS HiT Be A foesy CLARKE SLAP vor

CUP Editor *q

Enterfainment Editor %

# Typesefter tT

—

DieccANBED BY SOME As THE “PHANTOM oF THE OFFICE ~, THEATRICAL BUFF

STACY DUNN !S OFTEN FounD LURKING DEEP BELOW THE MAIN BUILDING

OFFICE. WHEN SHE’s NOT wow!NG THE MASSES WITH

MAILS STUFF FOR US CHET, EVERYBODY NEEDS A HOBBY.

IN THE mySTER IOUS X-PRESS

HER AcTING PROWESS STACY

FouNDER OF THE P.E.IL,

CHAPTER OF THE KEVIN COSTNER CULT, MICHELLE JOINED THE X-PRESsS AS ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR 50 AS TO BETTER FOLLOW HER !DOL’S CAREER, ABSCONDING WITH HIS PUBLICITY PICTURES

WHENEVER POSSIBLE. IN HER SPARE TIME, SHE DANCES WITH WwoLves.,

DID You KNOW: STACY IS ALSO KNOWN As ~ PIT SLUT®

DID YOU KNOW: micHELLE ISA

DIET PEPS! ADDIcT.

Arrer ESCAPING FROMTHE SUNSHINE ASYLUM FOR TERMINALLY NICE, LISA SOMEHOW FOUND HERSELF IN THE COLD, CRUEL WORLD OF U.P.E, I. AND FouND KINDRED . sPIRITS IN THE HARMLESS: NUTS WHO STAFF THE s X-PRESS »WHERE NER ‘

CHEERY DEMEANOR AND TYPING SKILLS ARE AN

INSPIRATION To US AcLn [DID You KNOW:LISA onck | a

oust ar AED BECOMING