This page is humour for the sake of humour. neccessarily be opinions at all.

The Sex Life Of An Electron

One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro- Farad decided to get himself a cute coil so that he could discharge. He picked up Milli Amp and took her for a ride on his mega cy- cle. They rode to the sine wave across the Wheatstone Bridge and through a mag- netic field by a flowing cur- rent.

He placed her at ground level, raised her frequency and lowered her resistance. Pulling out his high voltage probe, he inserted it in her socket, connecting them in series. He began to’short cir- cuit her shunt.' Fully excited, Milli Amp started to satu- rate.

With his exciter operat- ing at maximum efficiency and her coil operating from his current flow, she soon got. her shunt hot and released some electrons

They fluxed all night and tried various connections and sockets until his magnetic bar lost all its fluid strength and disintegrated into a soft iron core. Afterwards, Milli Amp tried self induction and damaged her solenoid. With his battery fully dis- charged, Micro Farad was unable to excite her trans- former so they ended up re- versing polarity and blowing each other’s fuses. i

SSSSSSSSSSHSSSHSSSSSS

Says the Engineer, “I have good news and I have bad news.”

“What’s the bad news.”

asks his bewildered friend.

“The landed.”

Martians have

“...And the good news?”

“They eat Bios and p*ss beer.”

=

HOW

First of all, Engineering isn’t easy, Math and Physics won’t turn you on,and you'll soon find out that most of the profs won't either (except for a few weird ones).

The work is tedious; you'll find yourself working your butt off all night over some boring,irrelevent prob- lem. So we warn you to save a lot of headaches by doing nothing, enjoy yourself, and copy your little heart out. Anywy, here’s some helpful hints to help you on your way.

1) Start a copy pool, you'll have a large member- ship, i.e.(your whole class)

2) Do not copy blindly, and don’t worry about un- necessarily. about being found out, as the profs expect it, and are used to it anyway. After all, that’s how they got themselves through university themselves. If you don’t copy you'll go crazy trying to keep and you'll ei- ther drop out or die a virgin.

The opinions expressed here ace not neccessarily the opinions Any fools who take this page seriously

and offend themselves should start trying to develop

TO BEAT THE ENGINEERING RACKET

3) Take pride in your pla- giarism, and above all, make your copy better than the guy you copy from so the prof thinks he copied it from you.

4) After you have fin- ished your masterpiece and you have stapled your work together, bend the corner of the page where it’s been sta- pled. You'll find this is a good diversion tactic as the prof has proof that some- one has been tampering with he'll thinf someone copied off you.

5) Make sure when you hand in your assignment that you sneakily say to the prof,

your work and

“Boy, that sure was a tough he’ll remem- ber you as a hard worker and never suspect you.

assignment.”;

6) Lab write-ups are very good practice for the begin- ner, and always remember to draw the graphs and then plot the experimental data. You will find that by doing this you will save yourself a

ENGINEERING |

ae a

1 DON'T THINK YOU ‘RE_ USING THAT RIGHT, B/a.

lot of unnecessary explain- ing. You can copy almost everything in the experiment except the conclusion. By making up your own, you'll feel as though you have re- ally been working.

7) Unfortunately you're on your own when exam time rolls along. The writer has found through trial and er- ror that cramming is the only way and if that doesn’t work get up during the exam, and take notes from one of your neighbors. You'll find that no one will bother you as the other students and profs will think you're a prof.

8) Another good exam trick which I have found use- ful for computer exams is to put the number of the ques- tion on your calculator with the corresponding answer in the memory, then pass your calculator to the guy next to you pretending he needs it. This is a sure fire method of

of The Gem or the Engineering Society and may not a sense of humour.

winning friends and influenc- ing people.

9) Another favorite is to

old

leave

time your book and notes in your fa- vorite urinal, and during the exam,shove your finger down your throat and throw up all over your desk and the prof, so if he decides to go with

you to the can, he'll be so busy washing up that you can get all the necessary in- formation.

Other good tricks I am sure you will pick up on your own. Always remember that copying is an art and any- thing worth having is worth copying.

SHSHSSSSHSHSOSSSSSSSSSSOS “Who died?” asked the stranger at the funeral. “J think it’s that one over there in the replied the Bio...

coffin,”

ca

.Cheap Food -Live Entertainment -Door Prizes

Featuring in the Panther Lounge

TUESDAY

E ngineering Pub

(NO CLASSES WEDNESDAY)

WET/WETTER WET TEST!

excep

Nev. |o*

ovember 5 1987

— .

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