Leanne

McGee

Susan Wynne

for

for

Arts Rep

Vice

= President

: ee has ee

“Hi, It’s just us, the “neighboring homosexuals.”

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The slow, first steps out of the...

ly Matthew Perry McGill Daily Lesbian and Gay Issue ‘Coming out’ confronts every ay person. The decision to come t can either take very little time, cause endless periods of worry d stress. It is with good reason that a ge body of literature exists deal- g with this issue. Coming out — friends, family, and oneself — in be among the most difficultand ressful situations for a gay per- pn, as well as the people to whom ey come out. Many people wonder why a gay Tson has to come out at all. aight people don’t sit down and i their parents that well...uh... tyre interested in the opposite k. Why should a gay person’s ents or friends care about their kual preference?

But *gayness’ is commonly

lined solely by its sexual aspect, cn itis in fact much more. Main- tam society presumes hetero-

uality and for many gay people . S important not to be typed as

ething they’re not.

f you’ve ever come out to cone, or had someone come :

'0 you, you are probably ac- tinted with the long beats of si- Ce that succeed “Uh, I’m gay.”

F reaction that follows take as hy forms as there are individu-

I you are about to come out to Cone, or if no one has yet come ‘0 you, what your parents al-

'S told you usually holds true. “sty is the best policy. Discus- leading to mutual understand-

ing is much easier to have if both parties are honest. Having a friend or family member react by Saying “fine”, and then not talking about,

itis often more worrying than being

confronted with questions, con-

cers, and even objections when

they are raised honestly.

It’s important to remember that although you have gone through the process of coming to terms with being gay, those people you tell are often unsuspecting and have not even begun to work this out.

Coming out can be difficult. It can also be wonderful — many experience a new freedom of iden- tity. Contrary to many myths, it often cements friendships, strengthen ties and promote a deeper and better understanding of both the gay and the straight persons as individuals.

Coming out remains however an extremely personal and individ- ual event that depends very much on circumstance. For some it is easier not to come out at all, for others, to come out selectively, and still others, to be openly gay. There is no formula for coming out, no hard and fast rules to follow.

This idea is strongly reinforced in some of the literature dealing with coming out. In Now That You Know, Betty Fairchild and Nancy

_ Hayward try to present a guide, ' primarily to parents, for what to _ expect after your child comes out

to you. Much of what is said is not specific to parents but applies equally well to friends or associ- ates.

The book, is increasingly out of

date. It was first published in 1979 anda third edition was just released to include a chapter on AIDS, but with nostatistical updating. Never- thless, it has some important points to make. It underlines the value of

- forethought on the part of the gay

person — planning and preparing play important roles in determin- ing the ease or difficulty with which a gay person comes out.

If you are about to come out, take a look at the literature avail- able. New books come out all the time and while some are good, others are less so. Reading about and planning a strategy often help the gay person put this step into some kind of perspective. It gives an idea of what might be expected and serves as a reminder that you are by no means alone in this step. It also shows the parent or friend that they are not alone. For both parties, it is a strong reminder that people go through this everyday and live to tell the tale.

These books should be read criti- cally, though. If you buy a book for

your parents or friends and there’s ~

a passage you don’t agree with, write it in. Show you care enough to prepare, think and be concerned about this.

Coming out depends very much on instinct and intuition. Timing is important, and a strong, positive outlook on being gay helps bring the newly initiated into the light. It doesn’t take much effort, but it means a great deal. All that are required are an open mind, hon- esty, some forethought and a will- ingness to talk.

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