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Fact & OpINION iene —

FACT: Real Christmas trees are an all-American prod- uct, grown in all 50 states, including Alaska and Hawaii.

OPINION: Fake Christmas trees are made in sweat- shops in Taiwan along with bootleg Backstreet Boys merchandise.

FACT:Real Christmas trees are a renewable, recyclable resource. Artificial trees contain non-biodegradable

lastics and metals. DPINION:'"< prefer plastics and metals in my Christ- mas tree than an angry woodpecker.

FACT: There are about 1 million acres in production for growing Christmas trees. Each acre provides the daily oxygen require- ments of 18 people. OPINION: Who cares about oxygen? I just want my

damn presents.

FACT: The Christmas card was Started in England in 1843.

OPINION: It had this dirty limerick written on it: There was a guy from the North Pole. He filled children’s stockings with coal. The kids thought this was not right, so they stayed up Christmas night and tore this guy a new hole.

FACT: In Ireland it is be- lieved the gates of Heaven open at midnight on Christmas Eve. Those who die then go straight to Heaven.

OPINION: If you die at 11:59, you’re up Shit’s Creek with a turd fora paddle.

FACT: Oliver Cromwell banned Christmas Carols in England between 1649 and 1660.

OPINION:He didn’t like

anything he couldn’t breakdance to.

FACT: The Puritans in America tried to make Thanksgiving Day the most important annual festival instead of Christmas.

OPINION: When Thanksgiving didn’t catch on, the Puritans tried to implicate Santa Claus in a sex scandal with Monica Lewinsky.

FACT: St Francis of Assisi introduced Christmas Carols to formal church serv- ices.

OPINION: Kiss my ass,

Assisi!

FACT: Snow on Christ- a means Easter will

een. OPiiioN. I don’t care on color Easter will be, | can’t stand listen- ing to Snow’s hit song, “Informer.”

FACT:: The first printed reference to Christmas trees appeared in Germany in 1531. OPINION: It was used to describe a guy’s naughty bits.

FACT: In 1836, Ala- bama was the first state in the USA to fone Christmas a

egal holiday

NION: Sania was mks the first state to legalize marrying your sister, but that didn’t catch on.

FACT: In 1907, Okla- homa became the last USA state to declare Christmas a legal holida

OPINIGN: :They had a difficult time deciding which was more important: Christmas

¢

or St. Patrick’s Day.

FACT: In 1937, the first postage stamp to com- memorate Christmas was issued in Austria.

OPINION: Controversy erupted over whether the stamp should portray Jesus when he was young or older.

FACT: In 1834, Queen Victoria’s husband, Prince Albert brought the first Christmas tree to Windsor | Castle for the Royal fam-

ily.

OPINION: The inbred, tea- drinkers used it as a home for their pet monkeys.

FACT: Some priests in Australia advise you to say “Happy Christmas”, not “Merry Christmas”, be- cause Merry has connota- tions of getting drunk. OPINION: Australians can find connotations of

getting drunk in almost every word. If you told an Australian to go f#ck a kangaroo, he’d think you were offering him a beer.

FACT: In Scandinavia a variety of Christmas gnomes are the mythical gift givers, not Santa Claus.

OPINION: If I thought a | bunch of gnomes had gifts for me, I’d think twice before driving over them with a lawnmower.

FACT: The first American Christmas carol was written in 1649 by a minister named John de Brebeur and is called “Jesus is Born”.

OPINION: The second American Christmas carol was “Christmas in Hollis” by Run DMC.

FACT: Alice Cooper was born on December 25. OPINION: People seem to forget that Christmas is a

¥

a

time to celebrate the birth of our Lord, Alice Cooper.

FACT: The biggest selling

Christmas single of all time is Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas.” OPINION: “Genie in a Bottle” is the third

biggest Christmas single.

FACT: In Greece, some people burn their old shoes during the Christ- mas season to prevent misfortunes in the com-

OPINION ION: [ don’t think burning your shoes will prevent misfortune unless you take them off your feet first.

FACT: In the Swedish countryside there is a superstition that trolls roam about from cock crow to daybreak on Christmas morning. OPINION: A lot of inno- cent, ugly children are shot in Sweden every

Christmas because they look like trolls.

FACT: “He who has no | Christmas in his heart will never find Christ- mas under a tree.” OPINION: If I had Christ- mas in my heart, I’d ask my doctor how long I had to live. I once had Groundhog Day in my kidneys, but I’m better now.

FACT: St Nicholas was eventually named the patron saint of children, sailors, Russia and Greece.

OPINION: Sailors eventu- ally changed their patron Saint to one of the guys from the Village People.

FACT: Santa Claus will not arrive this Christmas

unless the children go to °

sleep early.

OPINION: He doesn’t like the children to be awake

while he reads their | diaries.

FACT: Holly is the most popular Christmas plant. It was once believed that it was a protection against witches and the evil eye. : Next time — - someone gives you the evil eye, throw a holly at him. Or better yet, kick them in the nuts.

FACT: Did you know that every acre of farmed Christmas trees supplies the daily oxygen needs of 18 people?

OPINION: Yeah, I already | said that earlier.

FACT: An estimated 27 million household (in the U.S.) give Christmas presents to their dogs and 6 million give _ birthday present to their cats.

OPINION: Americans want to show their pets

how much they appreci- ate having their legs

humped.

FACT: The Three Wise Men brought three gifts to honor Christ: gold, frankincense (a resin burned in the worship of God) and myrrh (a plant oil used to bury the dead and a symbol of mortal-

OPINION: The Three —

Stooges brought their unique brand of humor. Jesus liked Moe better than myrrh.

FACT: In Devonshire, England, a girl raps at the henhouse door on Christmas Eve. If a rooster crows, she will within the year. OPINION: My homeboys rap at all sorts of hen- houses, chickens are down with our phat rhymes, yo. Merry Christmas, suckas. S Mack out like No Doubt.

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