Drake’s Dictum on Discount Delicacies or, How to buy post-holiday cheap chocolate

One of the side effects of my substance-free teenage years is that I am now profoundly af- fected by the most innocuous of substances. More specifically, Ican get good and high on plain old chocolate. Perhaps if I’d experimented with at least one drug I’d have (to swipe a phrase from Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde) stifled my taste for chocolate vintages. However, my taste buds are rarely satisfied with simple off-the-rack bars. I crave desperately the more obscure pleasures of, say, those little foil-wrapped chocolate Christ- mas bells or the Cadbury’s Mini Eggs that are frustratingly available only at Easter. Take into account the cost of your average cocoa bunny, and you begin to see why I consider the days after those holidays to be most blissful. That’s when the holiday candy goes on sale and I can get my fix without guilt.

This rant was inspired by the season. This is, after all, Halloween; the most candy-oriented holiday of all. Indeed, the only other pleasing aspect of the season is that it is a perfectly legitimate excuse to dress like a ghoul in public. The trouble is that Halloween candy is, for the most part, repackaged miniatures of the same mass-produced, two-for 99 cents (plus tax) bars

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available at any gas station. In addition, Halloween candy can also be soldat full price after Halloween as ‘lunch box treat sizes’. There’s not a whole lot of reason to get excited about discount Halloween candy un- less you actually like those annoying paper- wrapped molasses kisses.

Similarly, Christmas is a let down. Theonly holiday-oriented candy mark-downs of note are those leviathan-sized peppermint candy canes. If consumed with due care and caution, one of those things will keep your breath minty fresh until July. I should know, I’ve done it.

February. Valentine’s day. To be blunt: the chocolates in the little heart- shaped boxes are crappy factory seconds. And the really big boxes never go on sale.

The absolute best time of year for the chocolate junkie is the two week period im- mediately after Easter. That’s when all-- and I mean all-- of the specialty chocolates go on sale.

It’s heavenly! 200 grams of bunny- shaped heaven for only a buck (Och! Bad

for most

The failure of the justice system in North America

Ts not hard to wonder about the integrity of the justice system in North America. After brutally slaying their parents, the Menendez brothers walk the streets in freedom. Lorena Bobbit only spent a few weeks in a mental hospital before she was released. Reginald Denny was almost mur- dered during the Los Angeles riots, and the violence was captured on film. Although his attackers were obvi- ously guilty, they got off with slapped wrists. Is there any need to mention Rodney King?

InP.E.L. the judicial system was hijacked by the protests of one lawyer concerning the independence of judges. This pathetic excuse for a defense almost crippled the legal system in this province.

One could list these examples is the score, but that would be pointless. There is a certain case occurring in California, of which we

November 1, 1994

are all familiar. Does publicizing these trials serve justice in any way, or does it just satisfy acurious populace? Scandals, both real and imagined, are the lifeblood of countless maga- zines and television shows.

Society seems to have reached a point

where the rights of the accused outstrip the rights of the victim. Ruthless murderers sit in prison making countless appeals on minor technicalities. The state clothes them, feeds them, and pays for their lawyers. And these lawyers do their best to put the criminals back on the streets. Meanwhile a raped girl sits in fear, wondering what will happen if she goes

Attention X-Press Readers: | Letters to the editor (--or editors, in this case) should be no more than 500 words Toe: All écibhussiads must have the author's name and telephone number in order to be printed. Names will be witheld upon:

request.

~Cadbury’s Halloween “Bat Eggs’,

- pun). White chocolate (the best for a sugar tush) is all over the place! Wonder of won- ders, the delicious candy-coated Cadbury Mini Eggs are a mere fraction of their normally inflated price! It’sscarfcity! It’s nirvana (and not one heart-shaped box tobe found!)! Best of all, you can break out in zits without breaking the bank! And to think we owe it all to the laws of economics, which dictate that such a specialty product must be cleared out of stock as soon as possible to make room for the next holiday’s confections! The next time you meet an economics major, give them a kiss for me (preferably Hershey’s).

Now that you know how to plan your annual candy binges with price in mind, I have to go. I’ve just heard about a major sale on

the sea- sonal equivalent to the Minis I raved about before, and I’ve gotta load up at the expense of some poor mammal (but bats don’t lay eggs, do they? Oh, to hell with biology, I need my

CHOCOLATE!). See ya in the discount bins!

Trent Drake

(with inspiration from Sean and Marko)

to the police.

Should we arm ourselves, like Ameri- cans have done? In Texas there are more guns thancars. Are the high murder rates in Dallas and Houston a coincidence? Gun control may be an answer, but it can only be partially effective. Criminals will continue to have guns, for legislation cannot stop bullets.

where the rights of the accused outstrip auttiswickeanessand the rights of the victim.

degradation is a disease that plagues mankind. Everyone has their own way to cure society, but perhaps healing the world is an unattainable goal for humanity. After all, the word utopia comes from two Greek words that mean ‘‘no- where’’. So be content to live in an imperfect world, repairing it is not an option. Instead, try to heal yourself. Marko Peric

OX=press, Content Editors: Trent Drake and Marko Peric Managing: Editor: C. A. Schneider Production Manager: Grace Kimpinski News Writer: Shannon Younker Sports Writer: Scott MacDonald Advertising Manager: Aldera Chisholm Photographer: Kathy Giesbrecht Arts and Entertainment: Sean McQuaid

Special thanks to all of our contributors.

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