Fesruary 1, 2005

THE CADRE @ 19

Ten most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some matching replies

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...

Q: Hey, what are you doing here?

A: Well, it’s so hot. There were no cool cabs so I thought I’d watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.

2. In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet... Q: Sorry, did that hurt?

A: No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia... Why don’t you try again, or shouldI try thistime?

3. On the street: By pretty much anyone... Q: Hey, can I ask you a question?

A: Kinda narrowed my options there, didn’t you?

4, At arestaurant: When you ask the waiter...

Q: Is the “blah blah blah” dish good?

A: No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement.

5. Ata family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...

Q: Ahhhh, you’ve become so big...

A: Well, you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself:

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...

Q: Is the guy you’re marrying good?

A: No, he’s a miserable wife-beating, insensitive clout... It’s just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...

Q: Sorry, were you sleeping?

A: No, I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah, and just when you called, Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...

Q: Hey have you had a haircut? A: No, its autumn, and I’m shedding...

9. At the dentist: When he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth...

~ Q: Tell me if it hurts?

A: And while I’m telling you, you tell me if I bite.

10. You are smoking a cigarette, anda cute woman asks...

Q: Oh, so you smoke!

A: No, it’s a miracle... it was a chalk, and now it’s in flames!!!

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