View From The Top is a Weekly.feature that is created by and for the Engineering students at U.P.E.l. any Arts students who attempt to read this page run the,

risk of having a good laugh and enjoying themselves.

IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the win- ter. However soon the weather turned so cold

that he reluctantly started

to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing, Just then a large cat came by, and hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. The cat clea- red away the manure,

found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.

The story contains three

morals: _

l. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.

2. Everyone who gets you out of shit is not nec- essarily your friend.

3. And, if you're warm

and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.

BRICKING THE CAMEL

There was a nomad who went to a camel dealer to buy a camel.‘ This nomad had to make a seven day trip across the desert so he needed a very good (i.e. expensive) camel. The dealer promp- tly sold him one guaranteed to go for seven days without water. The nomad set off

at once but.six days later the camel died. After three- weeks of wandering in the desert the nomad saw the' camel dealer and demanded his money back since the camel had only lasted six days instead of the seven

it had been guaranteed for. The dealer asked him if he had bricked his new camel.

.“Bricked the camel?” the

nomad said. “Yes,” replied

the dealer, '”When you water the camel he will only take on enough water for six days. Just as he is taking his last sip of water you take two

‘bricks, walk between his legs

and smash them together.

The camel goes 'Sssslllluuu4 rrrrpppp', and takes on an- other days supply of water.” “But doesn't that hurt?” ' gasped the nomad. “Not if you make certain not to catCh your thumbs,” replied the dealer.

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AESOP'S MODERN FABLES

A little dog was running

’ across a freight yard, crosr

sing all the railroad tracks,

until a switch engine nipped off the end of his tail."

SCIENTIFIC bIScoveRv:

The Second Year Engineers,

- have calculated'that if you

took all the steel girders

‘ from the Duffy building and

laid them end to end in a straight line, the building would fall down. i

The Spare Parts Principle: The recoverability of small parts which'fall from the work bench var- ies directly with the

' size of the part and in- versely with its impor- tance to the.completion of the work underway.

“The dog yelped, spun around, The Blonde appeared at her and when he tried to bite the door in a strapleSS even-

train, he got his head chop- ped off.

Moral: Never lose your head over a piece of tail.

Here is some good news and some bad news for engineers. FIrst the bad news, we've

vbeen invaded by martians.

Now the good news. They

eat artsies and piss beer.

BE OBSERVANT “

A pretty young school teach-

er had been telling her class

about the value of being observant and said, “Now

children, look at the clock;

what does the clock have” that l have, too?“

One girl raised her hand ‘

and said, “It has hands.”‘ “Splendid,” said the tea- cher. “Now what has the clock got that I haven't?” After a long silence, a boy rose and said, “You ain't‘got no pendulum.“

(II

ing gown that defied gravity.

“Terrific,” said her date. "i don't see what holds that dress up.” .

“Play your cards right and you.will,” she replied.

From the Engineers Recipe

Book we are proud to present:

M

Ingredients: ,

l-3 02. package ovaello (preferably cheery) hot water bottle of beer

4 oz. l—l2 oz.

(your favourite brand)

Make as per the directions

on the box, substituting the

beer for the water in the original directions;. This

is an ideal means of obtain- ing needed nourishment after

you‘have been out drinking

Vall afternoon"

For a special St.Ratricks day treat we suggest that you substitute lime jello in place of the cherry _jello. ”

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