The Panther Prints

Letiens to t

The Best Keeps Getting Better

Congratulations Panther Prints for a job well done! Three cheers for our awesome student newspaper who once again achieved new heights in quality and informative journalism! I was so thor- oughly surprised and delighted to pick up the most recent copy of the Panther Prints and find, on the greatly exposed back cover, that incredibly eloquent “sex survey” which is not only of great use to myself, but to everyone else on campus as well (apart maybe for those losers who have to get a life).

I was so pleased, in fact, that I immediately picked up some of the free copies, which are available to anyone who happens to be on campus regardless of their age, and promptly distributed them to my non-university friends and family members. I am just so damn proud that my educational institution has such a reputable press which displays such a high degree of integrity and merit. So, why am I writing this letter? Well, first, it is to show my gratitude, and second it is to warn you readers out there that there are cynics amongst us who are, can you believe, condemning this survey.

I just don't know what there [sic] problems are! Can they not see that such asurvey is revolutionary, contempoary, and most importantly, it is relaying to every university student information which they really want to know. Take my friend Jane for example, what a party pooper. She approached me and ex- pressed concern that her 13 year old sister (who was at Robertson library doing a social studies project) happened to pick up and read the sex survey. Jane was downright mad and disgusted that such obscene, offensive literature was available to the public so readily. She asked me about this, and I was utterly shocked. "What is your problem?" I asked. No one is ever too young to learn about a natural biological function such as sex, and all of its wonderfully bizarre, and sometimes illegal, manifestations! We are fortunate, I told her, to have a free newspaper which keeps us aware of all the sexual things we perhaps didn't, or couldn't, think of on our own. This Survey is a wonderful educational tool, I exclaimed.

Another so-called friend, Joe, said he was ashamed and mad as hell that part of his tuition money was paying for such, in his words, "totally worthless and useless crap!" My God, what is this guy's problem? Can't he see that the Panther Prints is a trend setter, a mold-breaker, a real en vogue publication? He also added that he was ashamed to be from a univer- sity who had such a student newspaper. Get off it man! I just can't wait until students from other schools see what our renowned paper has done. I told him that we will undoubtedly gain, each and everyone of us, new found respect from others. They will envy us, and wish they had such an informative and tasteful newspaper. In fact, I am positive, abso- lutely sure that once MacLean’s maga- zine obtains a copy of the 'sex survey’ we will surely be placed much higher in the next years university rankings.

The final instance I will tell you about was a run in with a law school friend of mine named Jackson. Jackson brought up a philisophical legal question regarding the questionnaire. He sug- gested that the Panther Prints may have committed a criminal offense by publish- ing pornographic, obscene material which would have been available to individuals under the age of 18. Well... I reminded that pinko Commie that we live in a democracy where there is freedom of speech, and that information which would undoubtedly benefit society, such as that found within the survey, has to be published.

So, to all my fellow corrupters, keep that chin up, and a stiff upper lip as well. Watch your backs as there are cynical bastards out who will talk of morals and ethics and all that other religious garbage. They will try to take away the knowledge which we desper- ately seek to live a fulfilling, rich life, so be on your toes. A final round of ap- plause for our student newspaper anda request that photos and illustrations accompany the next 'sex survey’ to demonstrate to all of us not-so-cool people how things ought to be done.

Thanks again.

-- Robert MacNevin

foe B

Editor’s note -- Letters to the editor are not edited for grammar or spelling, but if people continue to send in long letters, we will edit for length. This week we have three letters which are over 600 words. In the future, please keep all letters to the editor under 500 words.

Someone Who Got the Point!

I'm sending this email only because those of us who are still not "grown and greduated" have limited time for writing letters. I thought the corruption quiz was hilarious. Considering the tremendous pressures on students these days, from all angles, I think a little levity is entirely in order. I applaud your uncensored approach to publishing and hope to see more.

Sincerely,

Stephanie Johnston, fellow student

qi ton

In Support of Jane Lucrecia

Dear Editor, I am writing in response to the

resignation of Jane Lucrecia. I think it’s ridiculous for a volunteer writer to resign over what seems to me to be a trivial issue. I enjoyed all the articles inthe sexuality supplement, including the infamous “corruption quiz”. I would enjoy reading future articles from Jane. This is a student paper written for students and I am glad to hear that faculty and parents read it. Iin my view, however, their opinions should have no bearing on what will be printed in future issues of the Panther Prints. -- A Regular Reader

We Like Letters

Sandwich Carries Positive(+)Charge

HT]:

Fig, 4. The Forces of Attraction

BS DE

If you feel yourself pulled to your local Subway, don't be surprised. Subway Footlongs are made on fresh-baked bread with loads of fresh fixin’. No wonder they've so hard to resist.

Mouth Carries Negative(-)Charge

v~