The cadre, Oct. 7, 1975, page 12

The latest “Dirt ,

Hello all you little scholars out there! It is now time for you to shut your books, sit back, and enjoy a few relaxing moments of read— ing the larest dirt about friends and foes alike here at U.P.E.I. _

Oh yes, you would be ab— solutely amazed at the monk— ey shines and topsy turvy shenanigans that go on here at this hallbwed institution.

For instance...we have heard from the MOST unreli— able sources that Percy Downe walks around his hou— se naked, at night, with all the curtains open and all the lights on !! When asked by this reporter his perso- nal opinion about indecent exposure, he replied "It's gross and a public nuisance. I suppose that makes Percy a hypocrit of sorts. But keep in mind, dear reader, when it comes to fetishes and perversions, even the most dignified members of the University community can be hypocritical

For instance...We have' heard that Wade MacLaughlin hates Scotsmen, yet he wears a kilt with no underpants underneath to church on Sundays. So there!

Meanwhile, down in Blan— chard Hall, this reporter has heard from ill-reputed sources that one Connie Linkletter has been selling the eyes of potatoes to Freshmen, telling them they will be able to get a really good buzz off of them. When the aforementioned Freshmen did not "get off", Connie saved her skin by saying "Oh yeah, I forgot. Potato Eyes prevent pregnancy..{ yeah that's right!" Only

time will tell if the Fresh—

vmen ongﬂanchard Hall have

been duped again!

But there's more, dear reader! I mean this campus is just full of juicy little tidbits, scandalous info, and dirty gossip. HAVE YOU HEARD...of the mad drug party and sex orgy down in the Business Office? I guess the reason everyone is so crabby down there is be— cause they are trying to co— ver up the fact that they haVe more fun in one day than the average student has in a whole year! (We have even found out that Pent— house magazine has exclue sive rights to cover the next Business Office Bash!)

Zooming in now on our erstwhile Dean of Women, Marian Morrison, we have gl— eaned from our paid—off stool pidgeon that she is involved in a campus black market ring. Yes! Yes!

And she can obtain such it— ems as pantyhose with seams down the back, Spandex gart— er belts, and tennis rackets strung with baling twine. Also, she can get for you at a low, low price, this week only, an autographed 7x10 glossy of Rev. Glass wear— ing nothing but 2 pastys and a G-string. WAY TO GO, MARIAN!

Lastly but not leastly, we have absolutely non-verie table scoop on the Woozy MacDonald/Charles Mills THING. Yes, Yes, they are on the verge of breaking up and going their separate ways. It makes this repor— ter wonder how they will u ever face each other at C0- uncil and Executive meet— ings, remembering all the

good, yet painful, yet bit- ter, yet marvelous, yet cru— mmy mutual memories of their days together.(SOB, SOB,SOB) But, cheer up dear read- er! 'Look'for us next week as we expose ruthlessly all the kinky, kooky, krazy going ons here at WONDERFUL U.P.E.I. This week's "kick in the ass" goes post—alumnisly to Jo Ings for her "poke in the ribs" of 1974-75 Cadre fame. by the Raunchy Roving Reporters

NEXT"U 40.. Opening on an optimistic note, it's good to see this, periodical (the Student's

rag) shaping up once again. This column will contain

'no social significance, pol—

itical importance or cause any dramatic upheavals. The main reason for this is that ,I don't want you readers sending me all kinds of shit that I can do without. If you want to cause trouble, you can write your own arti; cle.

Also, I am of the opinion

that this paper is trying to become entirely too intelle—_ ctual. What do you want-- intellectual slog or a few laughs? Did you read last week's paper? Not al.augh-in the whole issue! If you di- sagree with what I' saying, you may voice your opinion by writing a letter to tne edi— tor of any newspaper (not the Cadre though), and plea— se don't.send it to'me.

The first order of busi— ness here concerns a contest

which should spark great in— ,

The Stre'efw dllfie'r a’nd' (’hllil—Ioi'r?

terest. "The Ugliest Man on Campus." contest is now of- ficially open. Vote as many

times as.you wish. Try to vote in blocks whenever pos. sible so to better suppgrt your'particulagfcandidate. Voting ends in”two weeks(0cg 15). Send entries to the Streetwalker, in care of the Cadre. Future contest pos— sibilities include "The Dum- best Person on Campus" (faculty included), and "The Grossest Person on Campus", (faculty included Once agaim -At the lasthtudent Coun~ cil meeting, Mickey Place raised the proposal that the Student Union install a FRI~‘ DGE COMMITTEE to price refr~ igerators for use in the Ba— rn. A fridge committee?‘ How did we ever get along. without one? Mickey's sug—

"gestion met with snide rema—

rks and much laughter. Maum rice Rogerson was even nomi— nated for head of the Fridge Committee. Nice idea, thou— gh, Mick. Really! Now, how about a TOILET COMMITTEE to guard the washrooms?

Quite a row at the Trade— wind the other night. Two intellectul individuals, not connected with UPEI but' obviously from some institu- tion of higher learning, be- gan cursing each other with the vilest derisions imagin— able. The ensuing fight was quickly broken up by the do- ormen, while nearly eVeryone (all except those who were deeply in love that night) watched from the edge of the dance floor. Most exciting!

You know, this paper thr- ows a lot of weight. There— fore,_this column throws a

cun't on page 11

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