The Cadre

January 13, 1998

Sew yu thingk your a stewdint?

Yuve stude in the lynes on rejistrashun deigh, yuve pade for your corses, filled owt your lone infermashun, bott sum teckstbooks yuzed, sum noo. Yuve gut no reezen not to feel like a stewdint.

But hooze stewdint ar yu? The free-fer-all forem of lernin dident seem to be ecksersized, or maybe just not undurstude, furst sumestur. Theres lernin outsyde your classrume, yu no. Yu no.

This is a newzpayper. Stewdints mayk it evry week. We hav a feelin it gets pickd up, just becuz there ar fyuwer for the sirkulashun fello to haul bak to the offis wen the neckst wun cums out. He lykes that. We also hav a feelin that a fyu of yu rede it becuz thair ar alwayz sum luvly criteeks uv the airers. We ken even git past that, sins we realize that sum uv yu are serfiss dwellers. It tayks all kinds. The kweschin remayns, tho, deer reder: du yu undrstand?

This is a newzpayper. “Newzpayper” happins to be a compownd nown (peepul/plays/ thing), feachering “newz” an’d “payper.” The furst bit (“newz”) implyze that we ar giving sumthing to yu that is noo. We give this to yu, dere wuns, becuz we want yu to no it. We want yu to tayk the newz into yorself and mayk desishuns. Yu ar to thingk abowt it, considdr it, and de-side how it affekts yu, and akt akordingly. And be ashered: the contens of The Cadre wil affekt yu. O yes.

For 19°98, The Cadre is movin to mayk most evrythin in the payper affekt stewdints, the fackelty who teech us, the peepel uv the yuniversity an’d othur fokes hoo giv ahute. Thair ar things happunnin arownd yu, an’d, frankly mister shankly, itsa shaym that sew menny of yu, dere reders, are content to be an awdeeyence to a steemroler.

The thirtene wekes that follo wil pass kwikly; it happins that weigh sew thatall uv the long- blinkurs wil miss sumthin betwene bakgrownd noys an’d sneezin. This newzpayper wil be arownd nyne tymes mor this yeer. Stewdints wil rede, maybe. Stewdints wil be stewdints.

Chanses ar that the newz bits wil be losst in the type-os. Yu pade yor tuishun. | supos theta your ownly risponsabilitieennyway. Thatan’d fynding misspellins, yu vigil aunty gram-mer polees.

I hope you had fun.

- krawlines.

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