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ETOP

ENGINEER'S BI- WEEKLY

The opinions expressed here ave not neccessarily the opinions of The Gem oc the Ehgineecing Society and aay not and offend themselves should stacc trying to develop a sens#® of humour.

il THE

This page is humour for the sake of husour. neccessacily be opinions at all. Any fools who take this page seriously

Welcome back for another lively semester. May your recov- ery from the Christmas holidays be as painless as possible. We’re

DEFINITIONS

DEAN : i TEACHING ASSISTANT

Leaps tall buildings.in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water

Gives policy to God

|SSOCIATE DEAN

Leaps short buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a switch engine Is just as fast as a‘speeding bullet

Walks on water if the sea is calm Talks with God

PROFESSOR

Leaps short buildings with a running start Is almost as powerful as a switch engine

Is faster than a speeding BB

Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool

Runs into buildings

Recognizes locomotive 2 of 3 times Is not issued ammunition

Can stay afloat with a lifejacket Has difficulty with English

ARTS STUDENT

Falls over doorstep when trying to enter building |

Says, “Look at the Choo-Choo” Wets himself with a water pistol Plays in mud puddles

Mumbles to himself

ENGINEERS

Lifts buildings and walks under them

Kicks locomotives off the track

Catches bullets in their teeth and eats them Freezes water with a single glance

back again (Yes, you couldn’t get rid of us) to break those second semester blues with humor from

. down under in Duffy. We have

for you a few useful definitions to answer the question of what the people who run this place are re- ally like, followed by some songs we have gathered over the holi- days.

Talks to God if a special request is approved Is God...

ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR

Barely clears a quonset hut Losses a tug-of-war with a locomotive

THE ENGINEER’S HYMN

CHORUS:

We are, we are, we are, we are the Engineers,

Can fire a speeding bullet Swims well

Is occasionally addressed by God We can, we can, we can, demolish forty beers,

Drink rum, drink rum, drink rum, and come along with us,

INSTRUCTOR

For we don’t give a damn for any damn man who don’t give a damn for us.

VERSES:

Godiva was a lady who through Coventry did ride,

To show to all the villagers her bare and lily-white hide, The most observant villager, an Engineer of course, Was the only one to notice that Godiva rode a horse.

Makes heel marks on wall when trying to leap buildings Is run over by locomotive

Can sometimes handle gun without inflicting self-injury Dog paddles ae

Talks to animals Said she I’ve come a long, long way and I will go as far,

With the man who takes me from this horse and leads me to a bar, The men who took her from her steed and stood her to a beer, Were a blurry-eyed surveyer and a drunken Engineer.

God Save The Engineer

Godiva was a-lady well-endowed there was no doubt, She never wore a stitch of clothes, just wound her hair about,

The first man who ever made her was an Engineer of course, God save the Engineer,

Feed him his rum and beer, The Engineer...

_ But on just one beer an Artsy queer once made Godiva’s horse. A maiden and an Engineer were sitting in the park, The Engineer was busy doing research after dark, bom bom bom bom bom His scientific method was a marvel to observe, While his right hand wrote figures down, his left hand traced the curves. My father was a miner from the northern Malamute,

My mother was a mistress in a house of ill repute,

He likes to drink and sing, Nurses he’s sure to bring, On campus he is King,

The Engineer. They kicked me out at a tender age and never shed a tear,

“Get out of here, you son of a bitch, and join the Engineers!”

a—_—_ _ —___—__—— ~ — = a +4 == Thursday, January 12, 1989