UPEI SUN Jan. 13,1983

I4

' PREDICTIONSFOR 83 (I

The SUN's resident psychic, Rocco Marguz zian, has just released his list of peerless prognostications for U.P.E.I. in 1983. His crystal ball gazing rev- eals that: — fire ball reliever Woody Fryman

becomes president of U.P.E.I.

following a deal that sends pheenom Peter Mein— cke to Expos , who agreed to buy out his 7.5 million dollar contract over the next ten years. Woody takes to beaning long winded speakers at Senate Meetings hanging curves. Meincke shelled for 17 runs in the first inning.

- Brian Brennan abducted by U.F.O. Returns 10 pounds lighter, a confirmed vegetarian.

— Elizabethan litera— ture linked to cancer of the thyroid. Enrollment drops off.

31 Library receives 7-ll franchise; open 24 hours a day. Slurpies for ref- erence use only.

- Business Students corm- plain 100 level electives too demanding. University introduces 000 level cour- ses.Sample course offer- ing;

Geology 000( Mud for Morons)— a careful inv— estigation of important differences between muck, mud and slime.Text: The Norton Anthology of Dirt.

-Giant Stapler invade Campus. ‘

- Senate prohibits use of walls in dormitories as cost saving measure.

- Tony Carroll, reporter emeritus, has an event— ful '83. Not only is he nominated for Pulitzer (and subsequently dis— qualified for consider- ation after stating that

sway m z;

the nominating ccum-

ittee is comprised of

" bald heads who only

have two friends, them- selves and their

wives", and the

rights to his magnum

opus " Issues on the Sys— ten" are bought by movie producer Francis Ford Coppola. Competition for the role of Tony is fierce between Slim Whitman, the late Marty Feldman and - the mechanical shark from "Jaws".

-Hockey team sacks orphanage following pen- alty free game.

- L.M. jailed for head- ing Soviet spy ring. Poems deciphered; found to be coded military intelligence messages to a " Boris K." in Sour— is. .

— Planetarium lifts off and orbits Eartha. Orbit decays. TeenAge Head crushed by falling Planetarium.

-l6 Biology students cram inside Beaker to break long standing world record.

— Marian Hall turn— ed into maximum secur— ity prison. Only renovat— ions are: Changed sign and combination lock on the front door.

- Security Department valiantly repulse giant staplers.

— September 29, 1983— Barn not brdken into.

. - Board of Health Inv-

estigation reveals Saga and Maritime insulat-

ion confusing shipments. Hcmecwners urged to check attics for missing _ turkey salad. - . ‘ — U.P.E.I. blows ent ire '83 Budget on feasabr- ility studies for pink kangaroo reserve.

- Urmamed engineer

The University of Louvain (est. 1425) Leuven, Belgium

offers

COMPETE PRQERAJ‘MES IN PHILOSOPHY" FOR THE DEGREES OF B.A., M.A.. AND Ph.D plus A JUNIOR YEAR ABROAD PROGRAM

. All Courses Are In English ‘ Tuition is 11,500 Belgium Franksﬁ;§250) Write To: Secretary English Progﬁunmes,

» press cars and expense

1- bone in his gypsy body.That'S

l

MINISTER COMMENDS CORPORATE

champions mmen' '5 rights. CUP RELAY 6,1983

Mugged by slide-rule wiel V ding vigilante,

- Joe Clark resigns. Gary Wdaster elected leader of Federal P.C. Party in landslide.

— Paper taken over by organized crime. SUN members provided with

Gordon Tank, of Community and Cultural Aff- airs, responsible for fit- ness, today commended-the West Royalty Fitness Centre and Hilton Canada for their promotion and sponsorship of the Corporate Cup Relay Race scheduled for February 12th, 17th, and 26th at the West Royalty Fitness Centre.

The basic objective of the Corporate Cup is to pronote individual fitness among island workers. " Recent Studies indicate that fit- ness among employees leads to betterwork production, less absenteeism, and better working morale," the Minister said. .

accounts.

We'd like to thank Rocco Marguzzian for his predictions, but we can't. He was last seen swimming for Cape Breton. If these predictions don't pan . out, we're gonna break ev- ery bone in his gypsy body. And if they do, we're still gonna break every

just the kind of people we

are. _ Any company, Business or —Fr1ends of R.M. Government agency qualifies "5. __ . to enter a minimum of 6 people

(3men, 3wcmen) toamax— imum of 8.

" I am pleased that the Housing "Corporation the Department of Community and Cultural Affairs have entered a team in the Corporate Cup Relay and I urge other gover— nment departments to do like- wise," Mr. Lank said.

For more information or if you are interested in enter- ing a team, please call Bill '; Simmons at the Spa at 566- 1420 before the entry deadline date on January 17th.

"where there\are"

no strangers '

only friends

I you havai't , met yet." ‘

OF THE FIELD {STREAM L!!! . Happy Hours m m

aﬁen's'rscuis sun, “‘5’”: Music and naming £»"9F¥HMNE€&QPJLJ.Q.L: ;- ‘Nightly 8:30 till womancmmmm'!w . 1, _

Kardinaal “Mereierplein 2 ' 3-3000 lemma Pam».

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