SEPTEMBER 13, 2005

Summer Rundown

Jamie McGuigan Reporter

If you are in the minority of students who have recently returned to Prince Edward Island from a summer off-Island you may feel as though you’re living the script of the movie Groundhog Day. Although not one person in the entire population has changed a single iota (and probably never will), quite a lot has happened here on little PEI. Not knowing about all of these events can make you look like a major dork in front _ of everyone in your 2™ year drama course. However, luckily for you, your friends at the Cadre are here to fill you in on what you may have missed, in the style you’ve come to love and respect.

- JR’s (a re-creation of Patrick Swayze’s Road House), closed down after taking management lessons from Myron’s and stopped paying taxes. The closure caused owners of Z24 Cavaliers to return to their original Friday night hang out - the Burger King parking lot.

- Canada Day weekend brought its share of celebrities to the Island with Bruce Willis, John Travolta, and Keith Richards. No one went to the concerts, but 97% of the population saw Luke from the OC.

- Amusement park fanatics and talking owl fans petitioned to save Rainbow Valley from closure. They failed. It will make a glorious parking lot.

- After the musical ride of their lives many people left Canada Rocks scratching their heads, confused about

how the Beach Boys are considered Canadian.

- Things got ugly as competition heated up between merchants selling PEI Dirt Shirts, and Island Clay Co. garment makers. Middle ground was reached when both venders agreed socks could be worn with sandals.

- The new Racino burst out of the gates, prompting a record number of welfare cheques to be cashed at the lavish new facility. Charlottetown Driving Park Loyalists feel alienated by the attempt at classy surroundings.

- The exhibition cleaned up its acta little bit this year, but only because the CDP parking lot is now paved. Onlookers of the Zipper ride were left feeling like Chicken Little after being hit with change falling from the sky. Carnies claim they are not responsible, as they gave up any ethics when dedicating their lives to the carnival.

- Myron’s re-opened, preventing a slew of 18-year-old girls from continuing to embarrass themselves by scaling the fence at Peakes. Foam parties return, much to the disgust of persons with any moral fiber. Mysterious gropers and perverts rejoice.

- Finally UPEI completed its brand new residence on time, avoiding an embarassing situation that would’ve surely arisen had they lagged behind in production. Wait a minute....

THE CADRE @ 7