Ask the Doctor...

I would like to say that I regret to inform the students{_

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of U.P.E.I. that I have learned a great lesson this week: do not try to stick a big box onthe wall witha couple of thumbtacks and staples, because it will fall and hurt your big toe. Due tosome technical difficul- ties it has become quite impossible for me to post my nice big red box inthe Pit. I hope that your mail will continue, however, (send to Main 06) and that they will remain so creative.

Dear Doctor, Iseem to havea thirty inch tumour protruding from my nasal cavity and I was wondering whether or not!

should be concerned over this silly growth. Should 1?" Signed, Silly Tumour

Dear Silly,

Don’t be foolish, a tumour never hurt anyone. As long as you have no problem breathing I can’t see why this would have even occurred to you that it may be necessary to consult an expert in the filed. If it cumbersome try filing it down with heavy grade sandpaper orsome battery acid.

Dear Doctor,

lam sick of science students running around the campus telling Arts and Business students how much better they are than us. I really hate their conde- scending attitudes towards our ““bird’’ courses and ‘‘useless’’ degrees. Is there any solution to this problem or am]! doomed to hear poverty jokes for- ever?

Signed, Sick of Science Students saying that 1am Stupid in Studying Subjects Fit for Sewer

Dear You,

While lam a doctor, I too have obtained an Arts degree as my foundation for learning. See where am today. Well maybe lam nota good example, but

- trust me there is nothing wrong with taking something other than science. I would just like to say that | think that science is highly over-rated in its ability to ensure employment. How many scientists have you met while shopping at your local K-Mart? None, because they are all working there studying the effects of Red Light Specials on the shopping public. Ignore their silly, infantile triflings and pretend that Arts is that easy. It will make them sorry that they are science when exam time comes around,

UPEI X-P RESS

_— ANOTHER VICTIM OF WING ICING

_ 7. Play Scrabble and cheat until the person you are |

February 20, 1992

Dear Doctor, q I am broke and was interested as to what kind of fun | things that you could suggest for me to do during the break without costing ANY money. Signed, Bored and Broke

Dear B.B.,

I can sympathesize with your situation and I will provide you with my top ten list of cheap thrills. Use it wisely! | The Doctor’s Top Ten List of Cheap Thrills lL -Sex | 2. Having sleep deprivation with your good friends. 3. Call your good friends and have aconversation — with them, but whenever you are about to say some- — thing interesting, hang up, and then pretend thatyou | were cut off. j

4. Throw snowballs at P.E.I.’s only public transit | bus. : 5. Study...learn...read comic books. 6. Watch T.V.

playing with refuses to continue and then apologize. ~ If they resume to play, resume cheating until they take a nervous breakdown.

8. Sex : 9. Chase your shadow. of 10. Beg for enough money from your parents to got Florida (or at least Moncton) and do something real y) fun. ;

23 BS Ce ae

. i

Havea good breakandIwillseeyouatthebeach ~ ‘round midnight. Don’t forget to be naked, because I | willbe! |

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