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Elves rise, Santa Inc. falls

Following a strike vote, which revealed a 98% agree- ment on action to take to the streets, rioting elves have destroyed buildings and burned major work areas.

Rumours of an attempted assasination of Santa Claus have not been Confirmed.

Dissident elves were seen setting fire to work areas and toy warehouses. Violence has taken tothe streets. G. I. Joe and companions have aligned with the communist em— ployees of the Claus com- pany. Star Wars characters equipped with space age technology bombarded the main storage bins. Barbie and Ken have disappeared. Atari, Coleco, Odyssey, and Intelli- vision wer used to combat those still loyal to St. Nick Regiment. This troop con- sisted of Brooke Shields, Superman and friends, St‘arsky and Hutch, and, of course, the Chip patrol. . There were numerous casualities including the

Bruce exhibit opens

An exhibition of fifty works by Victorian Canadian painter, William Blair Bruce is on view in Confederation Centre Art Gallery and Museum to December 18.

William Blair Bruce, one of Canada’s important Impressionist artists, was born in Hamilton, Ontario, in 1859. Bruce, who attended Hamilton Collegiate Institute and the Hamilton Art School, went to Paris in 1881 to study at the Academic Julian where he was trained in drawing from life and design. A painter of genuine talent, Bruce discovered “Impressionism” in the village of Barbizon where he worked from 1882 to 1885 along with a number of Swedish, English and American friends. He died in Sweden in 1906.

William Blair Bruce (1859-

1906), includes works which »

have been selected to provide an insight into the range of Bruce’s painting. In the show are paintings showing Bruce’s use of colours representing theioutdoors as it is affected by light and atmosphere, as well as some of his later works as a marine painter. There are also a number of portrait studies which pro- vide a sensitive picture of the individual personalities of his milieu, among them his wife and family members.

The Confederation Centre Art Gallery and Museum is open Tuesday to Saturday,

Smurfs, Kermit the Frog, Mickey mouse, and Winnie the Pooh.

The Humpty Dumpty Battalion was shot off the wall by Pink Floyd. The Domino division has toppled. After a valiant fight, E.T. phoned, and then went home. A six year supply of McDonald’s gift certificates has been stolen.

Approximately three hours after violence commenced Santa’s eight reindeer were found slaughtered. A limited supply of reindeer meat 'is available to union members.

The sleigh was. hijacked

and destroyed» for" fire wood ,: during its annual test flight.“

Mrs. Claus and company officials " are negotiating Santa Claus’ release from

rebel elves. In a ransom note _

I." separate

union leaders have asked for half a million dollars worth of ludes, one million ounces of coke because in the north ‘coke is it’, and an.endless supply of women to satisfy the elves’ needs. .

In an exclusive interview with the Grinch and Scrooge they commented “It’s about time” as they were leaving for a local bar for a private party. .

Military forces from the aligned countries have been notified and will be moving in to restore the peace. statements

from the union and the Clans

company, it has been re—

' vealed that there may not be

. aMerry Christmas after all. ' ,"By "Larry Arbing

' Gerard MacDonald

Brenda Beairsto

Is this the student press?

10-5 p,m_ and Sunday, Graphic Manimhun ‘ 2 - 5 pm. 0 '4 ' :_, I; ‘ ‘ “KM... L“, “MIA l ; page 4 — ' anursdwmqmbgnfitlli.