Bush Should Be Toast

Well, colour me surprised. I thought this election would be game over for George W. Bush faster than you can say "weapons of mass destruction". Yet the majority of Americans seem to be pulling for him.

After last week's debate in Florida, the wishy-washy John Kerry seems to have gained some popularity in the polls. Perhaps the shift was caused by Bush Jr.'s impromptu implication that Saddam Hussein was the party who led the September 11 attacks on the United States.

Kerry quickly corrected the president by saying it was in fact Osama Bin Laden who was responsible for the fateful attacks two years ago, not the Iraqis.

And what was Bushy's eloquent defense?

"I knew that," he retorted, with the conviction of a hill-billy boy who was told he just spent "seven minutes in heaven" with his sister.

Who wants a leader who has to post his nation's arch enemies on a sticky-note and attempts to humiliate other countries who disagree with his decisions?

Remember the whole "freedom fries" fad when the French would not go to war with the United States? Bush may not have come up with the idea of changing the name of the fast food product to spite the French, but he definitely endorsed it.

Do you think France was in any way affected by this change in nomenclature? Does Bush think they give two crepes what the Americans call their hamburger side dishes?

I think Bush did them a favour, actually. What group of country men want to be associated with greasy, skinny objects in possession of small pricks?

It's a shame they couldn't come up with a more creative name than

"freedom toast" as well. If I were to name something that was dry and bor- ing to begin with, got egg on its face and tried to smell sweet in the end, I would just call it "Dub-ya." _

Aggoult w /th a deadly Weapon

By: Dan McNeill Contributor

mass amounts of forms from their relatives and their relative's friends and their friends' relatives and their

‘such as The Wave, e and Brennan's, an showcase their

They're at it again, and this time , they want to take you down with'em! The UPEI Improv. group (whose "official" name seems to shapeshift every now and then) is ready to kick into action for another year of wacky, zany fun. Led by the boys of 4 Skit's Sake (aka Colin MacDonald, Adam Gauthier, Derek Bondt, and Colin Fraser in the form of Gary Vincent) you'll be in good hands when you decide to drop all your dig- nity and surrender to the games. Hilarity will ensue.

Starting Oct. 19, the improv will take place every second Tuesday night, which means it'll also happen Nov. 2, Nov. 16, Nov, 30, etc. To find the improv, follow the trail of cooked spaghetti noodles until you come a

, to an enthusiastic a deep, dark cave. Don't go in the cave, but

climb around it. Now, after taking 100 paces backwards, start hopping around and, isinid's toleel-eere clucking like a chicken, thus ending youryated than at the

initiation. You may now enter it.... no. Classroom Centre and go into room 101A The seance ... I mean improv ... Y€or choosing the nomi-

...."improv".... begins at 8pm. As this is pa. 759% of the awards is of the Theatre Society, there is also a $rq junior high student membership fee, but that covers your Afion, whereby anyone for the whole year so you can participate |g can submit a voting everything else without charge. eless, this all sounds

ple can make the right There will also be snacks (we think) so 1 js an unbiased system, matter how silly....1 mean ‘funny’....yOUey works dammit! I'm act, you can always compensate with y impartial people go cookie. | did it all for the cookie, y'all.

| page 6UPEI Cadre UPEI Cadre October 12, 2004 pi

friends’ friends' relatives in hopes of taking home their share of Spuddies. I think next year I'm going to record myself banging on a trash can for 30 minutes, and then get 200 people to vote for me for every award. I probably won't win but at least they'll read "Andy bangs can" over and over at the awards ceremony. Then again, if my pals pay $10 to join the PEIMA Association and vote for me, I COULD win. That way I can put . PEIMA award winner on all my albums to come. Democracy has never sounded so sweet.