| Don t Like Your Taste in Music

fF :

The completely unrelated photograph of a person in an alley.

Kids always come into my record store asking me for the latest records by some snot-nosed punk band or some local garage band, and I have to cringe when they hand me their money and I give them their CD.

I don’t know how |! got sucked into this business.

I’d feel better if they listened to my

opinion and buy some Miles Davis or Tom Waits instead of wasting their

cash on Green Day or The Rude ~-

Mechanicals. It breaks my heart when I have to ring in the purchase of a Guthries CD while a classic like Music From Big Pink remains on the shelf.

Sometimes I get people com- ing in and asking for the latest Eminem release. | mean, why would- n’t these people just go to Wal Mart? Rap music is just a fad anyway. I know that if I ordered some Beastie Boys CDs, they’d go out of style before I could ever sell them. To hell with these flash-in-the-pan one hit won- ders, I got in this business to sell time- less albums by groups like The Byrds.

I don’t know how I got sucked into this business. When I started out as a musician thirty years ago, bands

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learned how to play their instruments. Playing music and writing songs used to be a skill. Nowadays, any idiot with a computer can churn out a Chemical Brothers record with no musical knowledge whatsoever. I’d rather sell CDs by trained musicians than making a couple bucks off of a band that has- n’t paid its dues yet. But if I didn’t sell those two-chord punk records to kids, I’d go out of business. It’s sad how that works.

Sometimes I'll put a Buck 65

Why do people pay money for this crap?

CD on to see why everybody is buying them, but I just don’t get it. It’s not music. I feel like washing my hands after selling these CDs to people. Why do people pay money for this crap? They should be listening to Steely Dan. And I’m not afraid to tell people that their taste in music is bad. By pointing out the flaws in some of my customers’ favourite bands, I feel bet- ter about myself when I sell an Eyes for Telescopes CD or something by Belle and Sebastian. It makes my job slightly more bearable.

I don’t hate all music—just the music you buy.

This is Whative Been Thinking

by Ernie MATHESON

TIME FOR A NEW FAMILY VEHICLE?

Well, as I’ve said before, the Hummer (an H2) sure beats the old Grand Cherokee any day of the week, but maybe it’s time to upgrade to something a little roomier, a little more powerful. You know, for the family. This is what I’ve been think- ing.

I’ve been looking at the new Terrex AV81 designed by Ireland’s Timoney Technology, and built by Singapore Technologies Kenetics. The best part of the AV81, is that it seats up to twelve people — not count- ing the required crew of two — so we can carpool with the Hugheses and the MacIntoshes. (I bet the Maclntoshes appreciate any chance they get to ride in anything other than that deathtrap station wagon of theirs.) Also, it’s air-deployable, which would be handy if I ever finish up with the ol’ pilots license. —

And in terms of safety? Well, I don’t think anything would be safer

for my family than a 6.8 metre long eight-wheeled light armoured vehicle. When everyone started driving SUVs, we switched to the Hummer, and sure, it'd be safe if we were in an accident with the MaclIntoshes’s _ station wagon, and we’d survive an SUV, but what if we were in an accident with another Hummer? A bus?

The Terrex would be fun too though! (Even though I can only get one if it’s decommissioned, so no tur- rets or weapons stations). Because of the enormous wheels, the Terrex can even drive over stairs or curbs and would probably really cushion the impact of driving over a “New Beetle”. And they’re amphibious!

I know a large armoured troop transport might be a little tough on the environment, fuel-wise and all, but I’m pretty careful about water conservation around the house, so I figure it all balances out in the end. Besides, a family’s safety is more important. This is what I’ve been thinking.

The Terrex AV81.