12 Ideas The Life of Brian by Brian Henrell
Every day I see things around me that tend to irk me in some way. It could be an errant sea gull or a newspaper article. Today it was a stop light. Actually, it wasn’t just one stop light.
It was seven.
There are too damn many stop lights in Charlottetown, and they keep adding more! Look at University Avenue. There is astop light at the corner of North River Rd, one about five hundred feet from that, one in front of the Charlottetown Mall, one in front of the university, one on Belvedere Ave, one in front of Tim Horton’s, and there are four more on the way down the street!
How is anyone supposed to get anywhere? If this trend keeps up they will abolish cars, and put the stop lights on the sidewalks. Can you imagine having to insure your running shoes for public liability and collision? Imean, most people in Charlottetown can’t drive, I’m sure they can hardly walk as well.
The point is that there are too many stop lights. I know that there have to be some government make work projects, but find something new! Eventually you won’ thave to pay for electricity, your home will be bathed in the cheery glow ofthe fifteen stop lights on your street alone. I waste more gas idling in front of one of these stop lights than I would use in the wholetrip.
Sonexttime youare sitting in frontof your tenthred light in ten minutes, give in to road rage, pull out your semi- automatic weapon of choice, and destroy that cherry red piece of sadistic machinery. Society will thank you for it.
SATURDAY AFTERNOONS!RG
The Cadre «+ 2February 1999
Just for laugha...
10 ways to annoy people:
1. Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper.
7. Sry the memo field of all your rheshe write for
Sensua Massage.
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
4. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
5. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.” 6. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophecy.” 7. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 8. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
9. Ask people what gender they are.
10. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
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