An insult to the Students, staff, alumni, buildings, trees, rats, birds, computers, losers, special interest

groups, model United

Nations, hamsters, billy goats, student union, student newspaper, yearbook, the guy who fills the vending machines, security, elevators, the athletics department, and the History department of the university.

FACT: In 1988 the Panthers won second

arts, or finda prostitute. Either way, that person will save money instead of - wasting it at UPEI.

FACT: The Business Institute was founded in 1989.

OPINION: Business students are so stupid that when they go toa football game they think a quarterback is arefund. Football players are also stupid for the same reason.

FACT: In 1989, Senate approved the honours program in Psychology.

Teaching. OPINION: Isn’t that just a fancy name for detox?”

FACT: In 1992,

~ UPEI hosted the 44"

annual Learned Societies conference. OPINION: I wonder ifany losers from UPEI’s model United Nations society were invited.

FACT: The L.M. Montgomery Institute was founded in 1993. OPINION: | have to give Lucy Maude props. PEI is the only place where millions

science students don’t need acampaign to know that they have the potential to make their own supply of crack, or genetically altered house pets.

FACT:1n1994, UPEI released a study on the impact of university on the Island economy.

OPINION: The results of the study were that UPEI makes Island students very poor, and Poppa Shine filthy rich.

FACT: The Animal Welfare Unit was

Canadian Honour Roll. OPINION: Thestars of Grand Prix Wrestling have a better chance of receiving that honcur than the student athletes at UPEI this year.

FACT: In 1998, the Webster family donated $1 million to UPEI for “smart campus” initiative.

OPINION: If UPEI really hada “smart campus” we’d have more robots.

FACT: UPEI announced a minor in Theatre Studies in 1998. OPINION: \always

large central campus located in Cambridge and Boston and affiliated offices in elsewhere in the U.S. and worldwide. OPINION: UPEI’s campus is located near the Wendy’s and the Subway. Suck on that, Harvard.

FACT: Harvard University, which celebrated its 350th anniversary in 1986, is the oldest institution of higher learning in the United States. OPINION: Atleast UPEI doesn’t need Viagra to fuck its

FACT AND OPINION - UPEL MILESTONES EDITION WERSION 2.0

By: A VERY BITTER YOUNG MAN

in AUAA men’s basketball and third in men’s hockey championships. OPINION: The only winners in Urrer s

athletic department this year are the people who bet money against the Panthers.

FACT: The Main Building was re- opened after renovations in 1989. OPINION: Whenever I walk up the stairs on Main building, I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack. And! don’t trust the elevator because I usually end up being stuck on one with someone that smells funny. They should either install an escalator, or burn the place down.

FACT: The first Masters Degree was awarded in 1989. OPINION: Anyone who feels the need to be called “Master” should train in martial

OPINION: Psychology students learn a lot from rats - I mean Psychology professors.

FACT: In 1991, the Wanda Wyatt Dining Hall officially opened. OPINION: I would rather eat the crotch offalow flying duck than try the taters at Wanda Wyatt.

FACT: The Library catalogue was computerized with the installation of the BOBCAT system in 199t"":

OPINION: 19912 It all makes sense now. The BOBCAT system isn’t a cheap looking piece of crap: it’s like the grunge version of the dewy decimal system. I always

thought the library smelled like teen spirit.

FACT: In 1991, the Senate established the Centre for Enhancement of

of tourists travel to visit a home that never existed except ina fictional story. You’d think Michael Chrichton would get offhis ass and build Jurrasic Park.

FACT: The Women’s Centre opened in 1993. OPINION: The Men’s Centre was shut down after a Mexican Wrestler got assaulted.

FACT: UPEI celebrated its 25" Anniversary in 1994. OPINION: 25 years of Newfies* learning to read books is reason enough to celebrate.

*Newfies reference by DJ Scooby Dawg

FACT: UPEI announced the Potential Within Campaign for science facilities in 1994. OPINION: 'm pretty sure most

established in 1994. OPINION: It was necessary to keep vet students from spanking their monkeys.

FACT: In 1995, UPEI held a Bard-a- thon to raise money for the reconstruction of the Globe Theatre in

England.

OPINION: We should hold some sort of fund-raiser for the reconstruction of Tom Green’s globes.

FACT: The UPEI Debating Society hosted the first annual L.M. Montgomery Cup Debating Tournament in 1996, OPINION: They must have argued about stufflike who’s cuter Sarah Polley or that ugly kid from Emily of New Moon.

FACT: In 1997, twenty-four of UPEI’s student athletes were named to the Royal Bank Academic All

dreamed of becoming an actorand winning an — Academy Award, but I’ve become cynical

ever since Will Smith was snubbed for Wild Wild West.

FACT: In 1999, UPEI’s campus radio station, CIMN, was shut down by Student Union President Andrew Peppin.

OPINION. Any radio station that doesn’t play Phil Collins every hour deserves to be shut down. Idiot.

FACT: I ran out of facts about UPEI.

OPINION: Well why don’t you talk about Harvard instead?

FACT: T:S. Elliot was os editor of Harvard’s

entnews : OPINION: Elliot probably didn’t have the same problem with bananas that the Cadre’s editor has.

FACT: Harvard hasa

students. We have the Book Store to do that.

FACT: Six presidents of the United States - John Adams, John Quincy Adams, Theodore and Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Rutherford B. Hayes, and John Fitzgerald Kennedy - were

uates of Harvard. OPINION: Matt Damon went to Harvard, and he’s a hottie.

FACT: The Harvard University Gazette is Harvard’ s official newspaper, published

periodically in the summer (about 40 times per year) by the Office of News and Public Affairs.

OPINION: If youaim for the sky you might reach the stars, but if you re pissing up a tree, you'll probably upset a woodpecker.